I lost my Mum three years ago but still wonder if I did all I could for her, she went down hill very fast or so it seemed at the time, then was diagnosed with Leukaemia on top of the dementia which gave her less time, she never wanted to go in a home so I used to visit her as often as possible in her own home and had lots of help from carers, then she got very weak and nearly went into a coma but I gave her brandy from a spoon and she recovered, it might of been kinder to let her slip away then, but the doctor was called and she was taken to hospital where they told me about the leukaemia and gave her weeks to live, considering I was her only child and close relative I took the news quite calmly, as in a way I had lost the mum I knew some time before, she was in hospital for some weeks and had blood transfusions but was wandering about and twice nearly walked out of the hospital in her pj's she also hit a nurse who tried to stop her, and was often sat behind the nurses station when I visited, it took ages to arrange the carers etc for her to come back to my house as it was more practical than me having to go to hers as I am agoraphobic too! I had her door security system moved to my house, but even with this I managed to lock myself out once and had major panics to find she had not noticed I had gone when I got in, she gradually went downhill and said some hurtful things which I know she didn't mean and it got to the point that she couldn't eat in less than a month or get out of bed to the toilet, one morning in a up moment she said she didn't think she would be here much longer and that evening she had bad pains in her stomach so I rang the doctors who sent the paramedics, it had been prearranged for the doctor to leave some medicine for her if it got to this point so she could stay at home, but the paramedics said she had to go into hospital, I went with her and my son came in to be with me, she was in a cold waiting area in a cubicle for ages, wired up to machines that showed her heart was failing, then we were taken to a fairly quiet ward, where they realised that she could not swallow, she was given morphine which from her reaction I don't believe she wanted, she had always been very intelligent and knew what it could do, the doctor took me aside and told me she only had hours left, we were taken into a side room to be alone with her, it was nice and peaceful but she was cold, my son and I sat with her for a few hours, I held her hand and she smiled at me, she fell asleep then I noticed she had stopped breathing, it was really quite peaceful and could have been worse, I think for me it was easier being at the hospital in the end, but I still wonder if I could have done more for her, it was left up to me to decide if she should have more transfusions, a very hard decision to make as they were only improving things for a very short time, and the doctors would not decide for me, in the end I didn't think it was a kind thing to do, as it would have meant more trips in and out of hospital or staying in, but did I do that for her or me? I hope it was for her but it probably was for both of us, they said I would need counselling but I never had any, my children helped me get through it all and in many ways I feel she is still with me, I just wonder could I have done more?