Hi All, I am new to this forum but find it useful to read that other people are feeling the same as me. I am 18 (19 tomorrow) and my Grandad was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia about 2 years ago. He is really emotional (out of character for him) and aggressive (likewise). He is changing and he doesn't know why. I can see that he is scared and I don't know how to help. I have a very close relationship with my Grandparents and I can also see that my Grandma is struggling and also has high blood pressure. My mum suffers from Depression and she is often crying or down. I feel like I have to be strong and support everyone but I am scared and I don't want to see my grandad deteriorate (inevitable). I would really appreciate advice on how to cope. I also feel I want to be with them and help them 24/7 and feel guilty when I'm not. I work a full time job and still live at home as I am still young. I feel to scared to open up to my family about how I am feeling as I know I will get upset. I can see him progressivly becoming a little worse, for example he asked the waitress 3 times how she was in the space of 10 minutes. Sorry for this being very long.
18 & coming to terms with Grandad having Dementia
- Thread starter rebeccakatie
- Start date
Hello @rebeccakatie, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney, etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. Aggressive behaviour is also covered
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney, etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. Aggressive behaviour is also covered
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
Hi @rebeccakatie.
My children were in their teens when our family started on their dementia journey. It was very hard for all of us but we learned to cope as a family.
I don’t think it’s down to you to take control of the situation and be there 24/7 although I understand the feeling that you should. From my own point of view I found it helpful when my children were there to support me emotionally by listening to my rants and helping with the housework when trying to run two homes got to much for me. Eventually I realised this was unfair to them at such a young age and someone pointed me in the direction of Talking Point which gave me a place to vent my fears and frustrations. I wonder if your mum and Grandma might find the forum helpful too?
Do your grandparents have help from carers? It can make a huge difference having a good care package in place.
Keep posting, you will find support and advice here.
My children were in their teens when our family started on their dementia journey. It was very hard for all of us but we learned to cope as a family.
I don’t think it’s down to you to take control of the situation and be there 24/7 although I understand the feeling that you should. From my own point of view I found it helpful when my children were there to support me emotionally by listening to my rants and helping with the housework when trying to run two homes got to much for me. Eventually I realised this was unfair to them at such a young age and someone pointed me in the direction of Talking Point which gave me a place to vent my fears and frustrations. I wonder if your mum and Grandma might find the forum helpful too?
Do your grandparents have help from carers? It can make a huge difference having a good care package in place.
Keep posting, you will find support and advice here.
hello @rebeccakatie and welcome
you've found exactly the right place to come and get support and get things off your mind
I wonder whether you have heard of Admiral Nurses who are there to support carers
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
you've found exactly the right place to come and get support and get things off your mind
I wonder whether you have heard of Admiral Nurses who are there to support carers
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
It is not easy looking after someone with dementia and I really think that even if it not required now, carers will be needed at some point. Unfortunately, a lot of older people (and some not so old ones) will not allow "strangers" in their home and try and struggle on by themselves, but eventually dementia is too much for just the family (however loving and willing) and it can start to cause health problems in the carers. I can understand your feeling that you should be there to look after him 24/7, but please dont do it.
Im also sending you a link to Compassionate Communication as trying to communicate with people with dementia can become difficult
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710
Im also sending you a link to Compassionate Communication as trying to communicate with people with dementia can become difficult
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710
This is extremely useful and a structure to our communication, thank you so much. I get sad when we are out and strangers remind him that he's repeated something a few times. If he does it in conversation with myself or family, we know to answer as if it was the first time he asked.
Well done, I was younger than you when my grandmother had a stroke and needed care.
First get yourself some support, a friend, an older person, realise that you alone cannot do it all.
Someone to turn too, get someone else who laughs with you too.
Some people may say poor you, but everything that happens teaches us new skills and strengths.
You will find a lot on here to help you.
As I said, very well done, you sound so caring, BUT CARE FOR YOURSELF TOO. X
First get yourself some support, a friend, an older person, realise that you alone cannot do it all.
Someone to turn too, get someone else who laughs with you too.
Some people may say poor you, but everything that happens teaches us new skills and strengths.
You will find a lot on here to help you.
As I said, very well done, you sound so caring, BUT CARE FOR YOURSELF TOO. X
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