Hi again,
The last time I'm posted was about 5 months ago,saying about feeling numb and in disbelief .Thankyou to those who replied .I haven't posted on the forum since,I think its been all part of the disbelief .Its now10 months and tomorrow would be Mums birthday,she would be 68 .
I still feel very much like this is some kind of "phase" and that Mum will be back soon.Im doing everything I can to support Dad,he is heartbroken and suddenly looks frail and old.Ive printed some lovely photos of Mum onto canvas for Dad and he loves them .Since Mum passed Dad has never asked how Im coping,I dont hold this against him as I believe he literally can't comprehend how difficult things are for me and my brother as well as him .I think he is so enveloped by his own grief which is understandable,that he can't give me and my brother emotional support.Since Mum passed Dad refers to Mum by her christian name when talking about her to us rather than referring to her as Mum .Its almost like in his mind,his wife and our Mum were two different people .Bless him Dad very much focuses on Mum when they were dating and early married .
Ithink subconsciously Im thinking "I can't fall apart as Dad needs me " .
I keep thinking about how quickly Mum deteriorated.I think Imstill shocked by it .Mum was only diagnosed 3 years ago with Early Onset Alzheimers and in the first couple of years the disease progressed very gradually .When Mum went into hospital last September with an infection,her deterioration was just so rapid ,she went from being confused but still able to make dad a cup of tea,have conversations and know all of us to then not being able to do anything except breathe by the end of December.It just blows my mind how the disease can progress so quickly .I do wonder if the lack of stimulation in hospital accelerated things .Of course I'm not blaming the staff but there weren't enough of them ,there wasn't even a tv in there so apart from when we visited,Mum was literally just laying in bed.I can't help but wonder if the lack of stimulation meant the parts of a Mums brain that were still working just died as there was no stimulation .
Mum,we are thinking of you everyday and love you .We are thinking of you on your birthday tomorrow and miss you xx
Thankyou all for this forum and support.
Lottie x
The last time I'm posted was about 5 months ago,saying about feeling numb and in disbelief .Thankyou to those who replied .I haven't posted on the forum since,I think its been all part of the disbelief .Its now10 months and tomorrow would be Mums birthday,she would be 68 .
I still feel very much like this is some kind of "phase" and that Mum will be back soon.Im doing everything I can to support Dad,he is heartbroken and suddenly looks frail and old.Ive printed some lovely photos of Mum onto canvas for Dad and he loves them .Since Mum passed Dad has never asked how Im coping,I dont hold this against him as I believe he literally can't comprehend how difficult things are for me and my brother as well as him .I think he is so enveloped by his own grief which is understandable,that he can't give me and my brother emotional support.Since Mum passed Dad refers to Mum by her christian name when talking about her to us rather than referring to her as Mum .Its almost like in his mind,his wife and our Mum were two different people .Bless him Dad very much focuses on Mum when they were dating and early married .
Ithink subconsciously Im thinking "I can't fall apart as Dad needs me " .
I keep thinking about how quickly Mum deteriorated.I think Imstill shocked by it .Mum was only diagnosed 3 years ago with Early Onset Alzheimers and in the first couple of years the disease progressed very gradually .When Mum went into hospital last September with an infection,her deterioration was just so rapid ,she went from being confused but still able to make dad a cup of tea,have conversations and know all of us to then not being able to do anything except breathe by the end of December.It just blows my mind how the disease can progress so quickly .I do wonder if the lack of stimulation in hospital accelerated things .Of course I'm not blaming the staff but there weren't enough of them ,there wasn't even a tv in there so apart from when we visited,Mum was literally just laying in bed.I can't help but wonder if the lack of stimulation meant the parts of a Mums brain that were still working just died as there was no stimulation .
Mum,we are thinking of you everyday and love you .We are thinking of you on your birthday tomorrow and miss you xx
Thankyou all for this forum and support.
Lottie x
