‘Local’ driving

[Thezza]

My 84-year old husband, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, has been told by the memory consultant that he can continue to drive for now, on condition it is local, during daylight hours, and in good conditions.

I’ve just found out, by checking his email, that he’s agreed to give a talk (which is something he does) 40 miles away and that he’ll drive himself there….. It’s a journey that would involve high speed dual carriageways and driving somewhere he’s not at all familiar with. I also think he’d struggle to use a satnav and drive safely at the same time.

We had discussed this journey a couple of days ago and he agreed he would travel by train and ask to get collected at the other end. On reflection, I’m not convinced he’d be able to manage it as it’s quite a complex train journey with two changes. But he’s clearly forgotten that conversation and has told the organiser he’s going to drive himself there!

I’m torn between (1) not wanting to mess the organiser about, (2) wanting my husband (and everyone else) to be safe on the road, and (3) not wanting to stop my husband giving the talk as it’s good for his brain and social interaction. He seems oblivious to the various risks and issues, and I feel like a Grade A spoilsport. What do I do?

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Thezza

What do I do?

You make safety your priority.

Be a spoilsport. There is no risk spoilsports cost lives.

The alternative , if you can, is to either drive your husband to this meeting or accompany him on the train.

Not only will your husband find the drive stressful, he will be tired after his talk and the return journey will be an even bigger risk,

 

[Thezza]

Thank you Grannie G. I would if I could but I have to be in work that day. Taking time off for hospital appointments is one thing, but for an ‘optional’ activity such as this would be frowned upon, not unreasonably.

I think you’re right, not only about the safety aspect, but also about the impact on his stress and tiredness too.

It’s too far to use a taxi, but I wonder if I can find someone (a friend of a friend or similar) who might be able to drive him there and back for payment…..?

 

[Grannie G]

I wonder if I can find someone (a friend of a friend or similar) who might be able to drive him there and back for payment…..?

That would solve the problem. I hope you find someone.

 

[Thezza]

I just thought I’d give a post-event update. I managed to find somebody who attends our church to drive my husband to give his talk. We were able to cover his costs and pay for his time, but it just shows there are kind people out there who are willing to help So all in all, it was a great success, my husband gave his talk - which went well by all accounts - and also to engage in conversation on the journey - all good for his brain! Thank you for your support.