Not looking good

[dizzywizzy]

Dad has not been good all week, Monday things changed. His behaviour went really obsessive and almost manic, usually as sign that he has had another TIA. He started to become quite quiet, not usual for him, and then yesterday we got a call from the NH to say he wasn't eating or drinking. By the time I got there in the afternoon, he was not recognising me or my sister, something he has always retained. And was just sat not interested in anything and sleeping loads.
Obviously nobody can tell us if this is the beginning of the end, but they are reacting as if it is. We have always been clear that he is to have no interventions and they are respecting this, he is offered food but when he refuses nobody is forcing him. The Dr put in place all the med he needs to keep him pain free a few weeks ago, as he has been suffering extreme pain with angina and we were warned he could just have a massive heart attack at anytime.
We know he could rally round as its happened before, but somehow this feels different , its like the fight has gone out of him and believe me , he is one of life's real batterers . This is the first time I have felt he has given up.
I think we may loose him this time and in the quiet of the middle of night, I am surprisingly ok about it. If anything my fear is that he will rally and he will be back to having no real quality of life and his confusion and fear will return, I suppose it makes me a bad person, sorry but I really hope this is it for his sake.

 

[Izzy]

Good morning Dizzywizzy. I'm so sorry to read about your dad. I hope he is as peaceful as possible.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Hello Dizzywizzy, I'm very sorry to hear that your dad is so poorly. I wonder if he might have a urinary tract infection? I hope he has a peaceful day.

 

[rajahh]

I donot think you are abad person at all. You show me you are a loving daughter. Jeannette

 

[dizzywizzy]

Thanks,

Deborah, he has been checked for an infection and all was ok, the NH is very good keeping on top of those sorts of things.

I think the fight has just gone out of him , he is still the same this morning, so I think its going to be another day of sitting quietly with him. I may take a book or something with me today.

 

[Grannie G]

At least your dad is painfree dizzywizzy which is really as much as you can hope for at this stage.

It sounds like you are at peace with yourself , which is good. x

 

[Noorza]

Dizzy I always think that when they are so poorly and no hope is left that they'll recover and have any quality of life that letting them go, accepting it is their time, hard as it is, is the last final kindness you can give to your loved ones. Just to let nature take its course and let them know they are free to stop the battle now. x

 

[LizzieT]

I too am sitting with my father, who is also refusing all food and drink after a downturn in the last 6 weeks. I also hope for both our sakes that it is not for too much longer, but it is peaceful here and a privilege to be able to be with him and I wish that also for you.
Lizzie

 

[Witzend]

It doesn't make you a bad person at all, quite the reverse, IMO. If we love someone, why would we want their lives prolonged when all it is going to mean is yet more suffering?

 

[dizzywizzy]

I am so sorry Lizzie you have been going through this for so long, Its only a couple of days for me and I am already mentally exhausted. I hope it continues to be a peaceful time for you both and that its not much longer for you , take care x

Dad was a bit brighter today had a cup of tea, but still very tired and confused.

 

[grobertson62]

Dizzie and Lizzie just 3 months ago i was where you are now.sat with dad waiting.
There had been times when hed been ill before and rallied
The last time he asked me if the NH was his home. I was honest this time and said yes.
After that it felt like he had given up
It was a privilidge to be with dad
I pray for you both that you will find and strength and comfort for what is to com
Gil

 

[dizzywizzy]

My Dad is really rallying he started eating again with a small amount of soup yesterday and some chocolate today. He is fighting back, but very confused and was trying to figure out how to get home today. He does hate being in the NH and has no concept of why there is a need for him to be there, I find that the saddest part.

 

[dizzywizzy]

Goodness me, what a week. I have heard the expression on here of roller coaster ride, and that sums up my week
Sunday I was feeling that Dad had turned a corner and was getting through this latest crisis, then yesterday the NH rang and we were told he had deteriated over night. I rushed up to expect to see him on deaths door to find him sitting in his chair, eating cake and chatting.
I am not underestimating the seriousness of his conditions and he is physically not doing well, but its so up and down, one minute he is barely conscious and the next up and walking with assistance to the toilet.
I cried all the way in the car going to see him, telling myself I had to pull myself together so I could be strong for him and then when I arrived and saw he was better than I had expected, I felt emotionally exhausted. Roller coaster really is the right expression

 

[hcginger]

I know how you feel dizzywizzy I am going through the same thing with my Great Auntie - i feel so drained by it all as you prepare yourself for the end then the next day they seem fine, every time I go see my Auntie its different so i never know what to expect. We have been like this up and down now on more or less a daily basis for 9 weeks!

I have had break down crying fits in front of her which I know is really bad as you want to be strong for them but sometimes the stress and emotions just take over.

I am so sorry you are going through this but don't beat yourself up for feeling the things you are feeling as you just want whats best for him!

xxx

 

[dizzywizzy]

My Dad is still very unwell, he has stopped eating again. He is in a lot of pain and when awake very angry. We a still waiting for the results of a best interest meeting to decide what medical intervention, if any, should take place. The NH has been good, but a little slow to respond to the changes in his care.
I am feeling I am making things worse when I visit, he is trying to make an effort and this seems to be causing him more distress. I was going to cancel my holiday but have decided to take a break, for how long I don't know. As we are not going out of the country and are only a couple,of hours away, I will pop down and visit a couple of times anyway. My sister and the NH have encouraged me to do this, both have promised me they will let me know if he gets any worse and to be clear with me if I need to return at any time.
I think its just a matter of waiting but have been warned that it could go on for quite some time as he is still fighting .

 

[angecmc]

Hi Dizzywizzy, sorry to hear your Dad is so poorly, you are right to take this break, it is what your Dad would have wanted I hope you are able to have a relaxing time, take care xx

Ange

 

[dizzywizzy]

Physically Dad has made a huge recovery, but his mental health has suffered. I feel awful but I wish he hadn't recovered. We are back to where we were a few weeks ago but the last little bit of quality of life and dignity he had, has now gone. I hate what this is doing to him and I wish so much that he didn't have to suffer this way.

 

[Noorza]

Physically Dad has made a huge recovery, but his mental health has suffered. I feel awful but I wish he hadn't recovered. We are back to where we were a few weeks ago but the last little bit of quality of life and dignity he had, has now gone. I hate what this is doing to him and I wish so much that he didn't have to suffer this way.

Please dont feel awful, your feelings are so understandable, you just want your dad's suffering to be over, there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[dizzywizzy]

Gosh I hadn't realised it was so long ago all this started. We have had months of ups and downs, dad fights everything but he is so weak, he hardly eats or drinks, how he has the energy to keep going I have no idea. I feel I want to say it him to give up and stop fighting, its must be so distressing for him, but he won't let go and I can't bring myself to tell him its ok to leave us. I just get weepy

 

[Nanak]

My Mum was like that at the end Dizzy.
I visited the UK in June/July and said my goodbyes. I told her so many times while I was there that it was ok and we would all look after each other.
She fought to the end and it was August before she passed away. I don't know how she hung on that long.
It is a difficult time and my thoughts are with you

Kim