Hi,
This is my first ever post..
I have moved back home where my mother and father live in the marital home..married for 28years. Father has been diagnosed with vascular dementia recently but has been having signs for quite a few years. My mother is perfectly healthy and has looked after him since marraige.
My father has many problems that are linked with the dementia I list just afew so you all get the jist..
Lights fires and sets thigns alight,
blows up microwave cooking meals too long,
wont keept clean, wont get out of pjs, wont wash
blows the electrics in the house,
invites strangers in the house from the street,
etc
My father has been accusing mum of having men in the house and running off for years leaving him, that she has stolen from him, that she steals...shoes..food..all his clothes basically anything he thinks of that day. None of that is true...he is also convinced she tried to poison him years ago with laxatives and she was even investigated by police ( this was before we realised he had dementia ) and nothing was found.
Basically my dad doesn't get on with mum any more, he shouts at her aggressivly all the time, intimidates her, bullies her and and she just accepts he can't help it.
Dad was sectioned ( 2 ) 3 months ago after badgering his GP... from the minute he was there he started saying she was trying to kill him and stelaing from him etc. The hospital not once involved my mother or myself in any meetings, we were kept in the dark and said if he wants to tell us whats going on it's his place to not theirs. They have had meetings regarding what is happening to him ie release or a care home without us being present and social services have said he is coming home this coming tuesday. Mum has said he is a danger to himself but they donn't care.
Dad has a son in America where he has been for over 40 years and doesn't ever get involved with dad and visits for 30mins every 5 years and makes a call a week for 2 mins. however the son, my step brother has told SS that mum has stolen from him and she IS a danger and they are siding with him and involving him and not us!
Mum had the house phone placed on incoming calls only as dad was a nuisence...the son in america complained about this and they "upheld" that mum was guilty of psychological abuse because of the phone!!...is this right?!
I'm sorry i've gone on and one but it seems that social services have pushed us aside and done EVERYTHING behind our backs, they think my mother who has done everything to care for my dad is the bad guy. Can they legally do this...she is his NOK and if they don't agree I live with him and have his best interests over his son in America how knows nothing.
Also the son in america got a solicitor to go and see dad in the hospital to get a divorce...dad didn't want a divorce and didn't even know he was coming!...the solicitor wont discuss anything and I believe that he is applying to the court of protection to access his finances! I can't get any legal advice because a solicitor is already involved with my father..so I basically have no idea what is going on with the person I love and live with!
Someone with some advice please help me...this situation is making my mother ill and we don't know where we stand and what to do..
Thanks,
Jenna
This is my first ever post..
I have moved back home where my mother and father live in the marital home..married for 28years. Father has been diagnosed with vascular dementia recently but has been having signs for quite a few years. My mother is perfectly healthy and has looked after him since marraige.
My father has many problems that are linked with the dementia I list just afew so you all get the jist..
Lights fires and sets thigns alight,
blows up microwave cooking meals too long,
wont keept clean, wont get out of pjs, wont wash
blows the electrics in the house,
invites strangers in the house from the street,
etc
My father has been accusing mum of having men in the house and running off for years leaving him, that she has stolen from him, that she steals...shoes..food..all his clothes basically anything he thinks of that day. None of that is true...he is also convinced she tried to poison him years ago with laxatives and she was even investigated by police ( this was before we realised he had dementia ) and nothing was found.
Basically my dad doesn't get on with mum any more, he shouts at her aggressivly all the time, intimidates her, bullies her and and she just accepts he can't help it.
Dad was sectioned ( 2 ) 3 months ago after badgering his GP... from the minute he was there he started saying she was trying to kill him and stelaing from him etc. The hospital not once involved my mother or myself in any meetings, we were kept in the dark and said if he wants to tell us whats going on it's his place to not theirs. They have had meetings regarding what is happening to him ie release or a care home without us being present and social services have said he is coming home this coming tuesday. Mum has said he is a danger to himself but they donn't care.
Dad has a son in America where he has been for over 40 years and doesn't ever get involved with dad and visits for 30mins every 5 years and makes a call a week for 2 mins. however the son, my step brother has told SS that mum has stolen from him and she IS a danger and they are siding with him and involving him and not us!
Mum had the house phone placed on incoming calls only as dad was a nuisence...the son in america complained about this and they "upheld" that mum was guilty of psychological abuse because of the phone!!...is this right?!
I'm sorry i've gone on and one but it seems that social services have pushed us aside and done EVERYTHING behind our backs, they think my mother who has done everything to care for my dad is the bad guy. Can they legally do this...she is his NOK and if they don't agree I live with him and have his best interests over his son in America how knows nothing.
Also the son in america got a solicitor to go and see dad in the hospital to get a divorce...dad didn't want a divorce and didn't even know he was coming!...the solicitor wont discuss anything and I believe that he is applying to the court of protection to access his finances! I can't get any legal advice because a solicitor is already involved with my father..so I basically have no idea what is going on with the person I love and live with!
Someone with some advice please help me...this situation is making my mother ill and we don't know where we stand and what to do..
Thanks,
Jenna