Thank you for all your lovely messages of support. I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner, but as Karen put it, I have been camped out at the hospital all week.
My lovely John left me this morning. No, he didn’t leave me; his body is now an empty shell, but no-one can take the real John from me, he is in my heart for ever.
John was too strong for his own good, and the projected 48 hours stretched and stretched. But he was so patient, so dignified, never a murmur of complaint, only the ineffable sadness in his eyes.
I spent some of my time during the long nights writing his eulogy, and a poem for him. Does that seem strange, writing a eulogy while he was still alive? But I had the need to write about John, and that was the form it took. But the eulogy is for elsewhere. This is a paean of praise for our glorious NHS. I’ve complained about them so often, but I can’t praise too highly the palliative care we both received.
John had a private en suite room, and so did I, just along the corridor from him, as well as a fully reclining chair in John’s room. The nurses did everything possible to keep John comfortable, even bringing in a consultant from the cancer unit to monitor his cocktail of drugs. He was suctioned and turned regularly, and checked for pressure marks. Every single nurse was kindness itself to us both.
I had clean sheets, towels and nightie in my room every night, and toiletries supplied I could lie down whenever I needed, knowing I was within call. Tea and coffee on tap, and meals from the food trolley or from the staff canteen. We could not have had better treatment if we had been paying for it. I even had a dispensation to use my mobile phone, and a nurse came and checked John’s syringe driver every time I had used it.
Death from pneumonia is far from an easy option, but they made it as pain-free as possible for us both. Naturally I shall be writing to the Director of Nursing. I do realise that this might not be possible in a busy city hospital, or even at busy times here, but I do hope this sort of care will become more widespread.
Thank you all once again for your wonderful support. I will update John’s thread, and will post his poem when I am satisfied with it.
Love to all,