Still smarting at tactless gp practice

[leslyz]

I went to my mum's care home because they wanted to update the care plan a few months ago. The person I spoke to chose to ask me if I was planning 'cremation or burial' when my mum was sitting right beside me. I was so taken aback and shocked that I answered her. It was only a few minutes later that I said I didn't feel comfortable about answering these questions whilst sitting next to my mum. My mum died this past Sunday and the people from the home I've spoken to in the last couple of weeks have been great, but I won't forget (unless I get Alzheimers [sorry]) that incident, and when I last saw my mum on the Friday the same person spoke to me again, asking me if it was going to be a cremation when my mum died. Why? What's it got to do with you?

It's been a long time since I was able to communicate with my mum, or understand her, but how do I know whether she was able to understand just what was being said on that visit?

I'm sorry you had that experience, so tactless and causing unnecessary distress. Sending my sympathies to you at the loss of your mother

 

[leslyz]

UPDATE
Here's an update following my original post last week. Thanks to the encouragement and advice on this forum, I wrote a long email to the Practice Manager. It took a while as I wanted to make the point without being too emotional. Anyway i have just had a call back from the manager apologising profusely. Apparently they usually send out a little booklet with advice and the questions to consider and arrange a mutually convenient time to speak to relatives. . Something clearly went wrong due to staff sickness or something and so that didn't get done. She did agree though that the gp himself should not have kept persisting with the questions after I'd told him it was difficult due to lack of privacy and no warning etc. Anyway it's some sort of resution I guess. I did stress that I was writing in order that they could review their process so it doesn't happen again and in fact she was grateful that I did let her know. It was emotional and caused unnecessary distress but it's been validated so I'm glad I made the effort to contact them rather than just let it niggle at me.

Thanks everyone for the support and advice. Interestingly I was actually able to discuss it with mum at the weekend and she was clear with her decisions herself. .

 

[theunknown]

Thanks to those who've responded to my messages.

 

[Dimpsy]

Good on you @leslyz, it isn't pleasant having to complain, especially if you're not a natural complainer, but there are times when a situation arises and it doesn't sit well.
It is regrettable that you were put in an uncomfortable position, and you did the right thing and surely will have prevented someone else having the same upset as you had.

You must feel more settled since you have sat and listened to your mum and know her wishes. You have made me realise I should probably have 'the talk' with my mum, but I don't want to.

 

[Sirena]

Well done @leslyz - that sounds like a positive result.

Interesting what you say about discussing it with your mum (and you too Dimpsy). My mother wouldn't have been able to understand these issues for the last couple of years so would not have been able to give a coherent response. Her language and comprehension was affected relatively early.

 

[leslyz]

@Dimpsy and @serena
Thanks guys, yes it was interesting I didn't know how the conversation would go and wasn't looking forward to it. I literally told mum that the doctors had called and been asking me and told her a little of how the call had come about (not in so much detail as here obviously) but it brought the subject into the conversation. She was pretty clear about the dnr status thing. The good thing is then it was all forgotten so not too much distress - for her at least.