Thank you all for your replys... I appreciate that there are a diverse opinions with regards to this situation. That said it's great to have and informed outlook and response. When they got together myself and her son were both sat down and informed that they were going to live together but they were both to live financially indecent of each other. They had both been married before and were both receiving pensions.The lady in question wanted this as she was cohabiting with my father whilst still claiming widows pension from her previous husband. It was always discussed that they were financially independent through out the years even during the last year.... that's why it was such a massive shock to understand and comprehend that she had emptied my father's account.....
Financial misconduct
- Thread starter Phillyhing
- Start date
This has been an interesting thread but the truth is that we know nothing about the other side of the situation.
Was this woman the sole unpaid carer of a man with dementia for many years?
Does she have a home to live in now that her partner is dead?
Does her Independent financial position consist of a widows pension from her first husband?
Would her now dead partner wish to see her rewarded or penniless?
I am loathe to jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts. We have many cases on here of PWD dying without making adequate provision for those left behind. Equally during life it is often difficult for those who can see what is coming to get action underway.
Was this woman the sole unpaid carer of a man with dementia for many years?
Does she have a home to live in now that her partner is dead?
Does her Independent financial position consist of a widows pension from her first husband?
Would her now dead partner wish to see her rewarded or penniless?
I am loathe to jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts. We have many cases on here of PWD dying without making adequate provision for those left behind. Equally during life it is often difficult for those who can see what is coming to get action underway.
I know it is a hard thing to think about as you are grieving.
If he was happy for 28 years, if she cared for him, is it so different that they were not officially married? Had they have been this issue would not have arisen.
Unless you are really desperate financially it it reall worth putting yourself through the hassle of all this.
I speak not about the actual money but about you, your welfare and your life.
She may have had many expenses around the sad death of your father so felt justified.
For your self alone, is it worth it?
If he was happy for 28 years, if she cared for him, is it so different that they were not officially married? Had they have been this issue would not have arisen.
Unless you are really desperate financially it it reall worth putting yourself through the hassle of all this.
I speak not about the actual money but about you, your welfare and your life.
She may have had many expenses around the sad death of your father so felt justified.
For your self alone, is it worth it?
If she was the unpaid carer for a man for many years, well I can guess how her state of mind is, as we all know that dementia strips us of almost everything - love, life, security, hope.........Anyone in this situation needs love and care and help, whoever they are, because unless you have done this journey you won't understand how desperate and lonely us as carers can become.
I know I agree. Dementia is just such a difficult journey with so many effects on the carer.
How many times on Talking Point do we see disputes in families over money?
Sometimes it is immediate family and relatives and often it is the PWD's partner, either married or cohabiting.
Does it really matter if a couple were together for 28 years if they were married or not? Surely the time they devoted to each other is more important than that and I think any woman who has given a man all those years deserves some recognition of that and a little respect for her loyalty.
As I said in an earlier post, that there seems to be a rocky relationship between Phyllyhing and this lady. Whatever was said initially when this couple moved in together regarding their finances, things change and unless we are to know exactly what happened between them, then it is not really for us to judge.
Having been under attack from my stepsons over money even though my husband is still alive, I always feel a little disturbed when a woman in this situation cannot have right of reply.
But how do you know what the money was for? Was she paying off part of the funeral? Was this an outstanding debt to herself or someone else? Without a right of reply we don't know.
If she was paying genuine expenses she should be open about it, rather than refusing to answer.
We have no idea if the lady was an unpaid carer, or if they were happy, or what their circumstances were. Only those closest to the people concerned know what the situation is. My mother lived with a partner for over 20 years but the idea he would have been 'entitled' to anything, or done any 'care' is laughable - fortunately he pre-deceased her.
We have no idea if the lady was an unpaid carer, or if they were happy, or what their circumstances were. Only those closest to the people concerned know what the situation is. My mother lived with a partner for over 20 years but the idea he would have been 'entitled' to anything, or done any 'care' is laughable - fortunately he pre-deceased her.
I'm with Ducky on this. Whoever is dealing with probate needs to know what happened to the money withdrawn before dad died as there will possibly (probably in fact) be tax implications. As executor, you must give accurate information to the HMRC and you're responsible for paying any due taxes and for settling any debts (out of the estate).
And to be perfectly honest I'd treat the money withdrawn after dad's death as theft.
So my advice is see a solicitor and get a strongly worded letter sent to her asap. She needs to be made accountable for her actions and IF there is a good explanation for her behaviour then great.
The points about any claims she might have against the estate are valid, so it might be worth getting some legal advice around that too.
And to be perfectly honest I'd treat the money withdrawn after dad's death as theft.
So my advice is see a solicitor and get a strongly worded letter sent to her asap. She needs to be made accountable for her actions and IF there is a good explanation for her behaviour then great.
The points about any claims she might have against the estate are valid, so it might be worth getting some legal advice around that too.
