Can I ... Should I?

[DollyBird16]

Hi
Good to hear from you.
I’m confident you’ve done loads, there are many years in the house it’s going to take a while. You’re doing an amazing job, don’t forget all the admin, you’re sorting too. I’m so impressed, don’t think I’d be able to all that you have done in such a short time. Hats off to you.
You know you’ve done a huge amount. If you listed everything down that you’ve done there would be pages.

The words are a beautiful choice.
So special when ‘He put his arms around you’ the perfect hug.

Take care of you, as always a huge load of hugs for you and pooch. X

 

[Margi29]

The second one, in the readings is so touching. Sending hugs x

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, Sam, the readings made me tear up.

I remember the stage of clearing my mother's house when I just felt overwhelmed and that it would never get better, let alone completed. There was just too much stuff and every cupboard and closet was absolutely crammed full (and the storage closet and the garage!). It was such a depressing and exhausting task and I really do feel for you. Tell the people who say you're not making progress, that maybe they would like to pitch in for a few days, or take some loads to the charity shop for you!!!

Sending many ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) your way.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Slugsta

It is hard when I get people saying I need to make a start, when I’ve been slogging away for hours. I have to check every pocket, every bag, every purse, take the “old” £5 & £10 to the bank to change it. It all takes so long.

I don’t think I’d heard either of the readings, but the second could have been written just for Mum. I think it’s beautiful

Thank you for the hugs I had a real one yesterday. So sweet. One of our neighbours is about 20, they’d just driven up as I was going out with Pooch. She got out the car, walked over to me an gave me a bone crushing hug. Totally unexpected & totally uplifting

 

[Sam Luvit]

Yes @DollyBird16 there is a lifetime to unravel & sort through, a lot of it were their memories, which I’m ok with letting go, art I have no interest in that can go, some music I’ve held back to upload so I can listen to later. After the valuation tomorrow I can get more ruthless with other things. I need to make the house presentable for photos, usable for the wake next week, then clear more. Everything seems to be held up by needing another “official” check list to be ticked off.

Tempting though it is to get a clearance person in, my things are in amongst mums, so I can’t do that. I have to do it, or I’ll not have anything at all I’ve taken a few photos ready to upload to a sale site, but it feels like so much work, I want to just gift it away, if only it was that easy

Thanks for the hugs. Pooch is especially grateful ... he is following me around, pinning me down when he gets the chance. Poor thing is very sad this week. He keeps crying, getting his teddy & crying.

 

[Sam Luvit]

The second one, in the readings is so touching. Sending hugs x

Yes, that one made me tear up, it was exactly how I felt. I knew she couldn’t get better, I knew she was in so much pain & I was praying for it to end.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amy in the US

Hope you are doing ok.

Mums room is almost done. Yay. I have one drawer left to empty & the stuff I’ve dumped in her bed. Then I have 2 beds to sell off, the new one I bought her & the replacement one I got when she came out of hospital. Ive filled a drawe (large drawer) with shoes. At a minimum £65 a pair, I’m not dumping them in a charity shop. About 12 pairs so far .....

I spent today wrapping & boxing up glasses. I’ve been accused of being a hoarder ... I’ve kept less than a dozen ... I don’t call that hoarding ...

I’ve been tempted to suggest the criticisers pitch in, but I can’t be bothered. I’ll just keep on plodding.

Hugs are great ... just what I needed

 

[AliceA]

Hi Sam. I don't think the actual stage is much use, it's more how they are at the time! I was always amazed at stories about pwd phoning the poster multiple times a day, OH couldn't use a phone from before diagnosis!
I found I had to deal with each change as it happened. Usually when I thought, well got they sussed, it's not so bad after all. Then, bang, another change. Keeps you on yourself your feet, this caring!
Keep strong!

You are right, being and dealing with the present situation is enough, it is ups and downs and ins and out. Thinking to far back or forward trips us up.

 

[AliceA]

Hi @Amy in the US

Hope you are doing ok.

Mums room is almost done. Yay. I have one drawer left to empty & the stuff I’ve dumped in her bed. Then I have 2 beds to sell off, the new one I bought her & the replacement one I got when she came out of hospital. Ive filled a drawe (large drawer) with shoes. At a minimum £65 a pair, I’m not dumping them in a charity shop. About 12 pairs so far .....

I spent today wrapping & boxing up glasses. I’ve been accused of being a hoarder ... I’ve kept less than a dozen ... I don’t call that hoarding ...

I’ve been tempted to suggest the criticisers pitch in, but I can’t be bothered. I’ll just keep on plodding.

Hugs are great ... just what I needed

A big hug in the early hours! Stuff does seem to stick like metal shavings to a magnet all small but mount up.
I feel releasing stuff to be used again in some form releases us up too in some way. Perhaps letting go of the past helps us face the future better? Keep the special things that bring a smile to your face. Let someone else have the chore of caring for the rest, use that energy to care for yourself. Another

 

[Prudence9]

Morning Sam, and everyone.

That second poem does seem to suit you and your Mum, it's lovely (made me cry too).
I'm doing exactly the same at the moment Sam, wading through drawers, pockets, cupboards, filling skips, trying to organise charity bags and boxes, find people who will take "hazardous" waste - on and on and yes, here too it looks no different really as yet.
I'm lucky in that I'm not being pressured and I do think you're amazingly stoic getting on with it all as you are. It is difficult isn't it when your things are mixed together, you do have to go through it all in case you lose your own bits and pieces!

How is your stomach now?
Poor little Pooch, it must be very strange for him.
Many (((((hugs))))) to you both, I'll be thinking of you while I've got some loud music on and drinking a helpful glass of wine (hope you have plenty of CM in) and throwing things in to bin bags!

Love and (((hugs))) to all here too

 

[canary]

I remember clearing mums home. It was hard and upsetting and took a long time
((((((hugs))))))))

 

[Margi29]

I think your really doing well with the clearing of years of both your mums and dads belongings, it's a task I would dread. Maybe brother would come at weekend and help ??? Sending hugs to you and pooch x

 

[Margi29]

Hi all

Brother stayed at mums last night, he's got tonight also to stay over with mum.

I've spoken this morning to him, mum was apparently up and down all night

Then he tells me he put a horror film on around 12 ( why would anyone put something scary on the tv for PWD just before bed ??? )

 

[love.dad.but..]

It feels like I do nothing but empty cupboards & pack “stuff” into the car to take to charity ... yet it looks no different J came round last night & nagged me to clear out the house. It was so depressing to be told I’ve not gotten anywhere

Fortunately my brother phoned to see how I was doing today, he said he can see I’ve made a big dent in the clearout That bucked me up a bit I know I have a mountain to climb, but at least someone can see I’m doing it

He also found two alternative readings, we’d both been looking, but nothing fitted, then he looked again & found these:

Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep - Mary Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die

And for the second reading - no title though & no author

God looked around his garden
And found an empty place,
He then looked down upon the earth
And saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you
And lifted you to rest.
God’s garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough
And the hills were hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whispered, ‘Peace be Thine’.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone,
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.

The second is so poignant as that’s how it felt with Mum in the last week

Both my mum and dad had a very traditional latin catholic funeral service it very much is between priest and deceased and exactly as they wanted. No eulogy .. only prayers communion and short reading from their missals so no opportunity or reason to include more. However these two I read quietly before their services as they felt very poignant ..the first sunmed up mum and dads stoic selves..the second allowed me to sum up my own thoughts at that time.

Whatever you choose will be very relevant and reflect the personal bond you shared between you and your lovely mum.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Hi @Amy in the US

Hope you are doing ok.

Mums room is almost done. Yay. I have one drawer left to empty & the stuff I’ve dumped in her bed. Then I have 2 beds to sell off, the new one I bought her & the replacement one I got when she came out of hospital. Ive filled a drawe (large drawer) with shoes. At a minimum £65 a pair, I’m not dumping them in a charity shop. About 12 pairs so far .....

I spent today wrapping & boxing up glasses. I’ve been accused of being a hoarder ... I’ve kept less than a dozen ... I don’t call that hoarding ...

I’ve been tempted to suggest the criticisers pitch in, but I can’t be bothered. I’ll just keep on plodding.

Hugs are great ... just what I needed

Clearing a house is a thankless task but I felt and you hopefully will too..that there arrives a tipping point where you can start to see the wood for the trees and that gives you a surge of motivation to carry on with everything becoming a bit easier. It was the brown wood furniture that I had most trouble donating...a lot of charities weren't interested even if in fairly good condition so it was a relief as gradually the bits found homes and the last piece...a lovely piece..was taken by a charity helping to set up first time homes for homeless persons.

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

There is always a stage, when tidying up/clearing out when things look worse rather than better. I hope you are through that stage Sam, it certainly sounds as if you have done a great job with your mum's room!

Someone else asked how your tum is now, I really hope it is improving?

Poor Pooch

How lovely to have an unexpected, but very welcome, real life hug!

We are still waiting for the plumber to come and finish off, put back the door over the boiler etc, but we do have hot water now

We have also had a second visit from a Sky engineer - who declared everything to be OK and was out again in 5 minutes - leaving both TVs unwatchable at times due to the signal breaking up. He was supposed to have gone and looked t the satellite dish but refused 'because the management company have to request it'. To add insult to injury, when I tried to phone Sky I got an automated message telling me that staff were undergoing training and I should call back later or accept a wait of 20 minutes+. I will try again later

(((hugs))) to all.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Trust me @AliceA I am clearing out as much as I can, as fast as I can. I have no desire to keep glasses I’ll never use, ornaments that just need dusting or the mountain of maps & local history books. They are going out the door as fast I as can get them. I’m finding it quite liberating in a way. I had an old friend of the family round today, he’s in the antique business & has relieved me of a lot if tut lol.

 

[AliceA]

Trust me @AliceA I am clearing out as much as I can, as fast as I can. I have no desire to keep glasses I’ll never use, ornaments that just need dusting or the mountain of maps & local history books. They are going out the door as fast I as can get them. I’m finding it quite liberating in a way. I had an old friend of the family round today, he’s in the antique business & has relieved me of a lot if tut lol.

Good, he could hire himself out on this site I am sure! One needs to get on with it but at your own pace. I do it in little snatches as it is our own stuff. My parents were different more care, we found bank notes tucked in unexpected places! LOL

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Prudence9

The house looks like I’ve been burgled today, I now have to move things around so I can see what needs to go next. At least I’ve spent a few days of solid, all day, clearing, so hopefully it will start to look clearer when I’ve closed the drawers again

I was following this friend around today, saying “no, that’s mine” every now & then. He suggested taking the pots & pans ... I said I needed them to cook with I had to firmly close my bedroom door or I’m sure he’d have been in there too

My tummy is much better now. I’m still getting some queasy moments, (no I’m not pregnant ), but I’m eating again & have dared venturing out for more than 20 minutes

Pooch is making sure he knows where I am all the time. He cries a bit too, which is sad However, when I wake up in the morning, he scrambles up to me & sniffs all over my face, like he’s checking I’m still breathing, he looks so excited while he’s doing it

Someone sent me a huge bottle of CM Spiced ... I’m well stocked up It’s very good for making me sit down at the end of the day

Hugs are great, they get me up in the morning ... along with Pooch insisting he needs to go out

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @canary

I think I’m just too busy to get upset. I don’t have time to think much beyond “do I want this?”, then go onto the next drawer

I do find myself saying “oh Mum” a lot, as I find chocolate bars, wine gums & money in various places. So far, not all together thankfully

Thanks for the hugs