Father's Day!

[MaNaAk]

Hi MaNaAk
I’ve just been on another new thread. Mum saw the dr the other day and he said while there is oedema there it doesn’t warrant medication.
I can’t help worrying though that this has happened to my very sprightly six and a half stone mum albeit she is 92.
And I had a call from the home today to say she had fallen when getting up from her chair although is absolutely fine and they thought it was to do with her legs.
Can’t help thinking that 10 days after going into a home this is a real coincidence.
Denise x

Dear Denise,

I suggest you make sure that the doctor knows that she has fallen because this is what happened to dad. Maybe you should ask the doctor whether any of her medication has anything to do with this. I am finding that as a carer I have to make sure that the doctor's are doing their bit as well.

I honestly don't know where we get the strength from!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Dear Denise,

I suggest you make sure that the doctor knows that she has fallen because this is what happened to dad. Maybe you should ask the doctor whether any of her medication has anything to do with this. I am finding that as a carer I have to make sure that the doctor's are doing their bit as well.

I honestly don't know where we get the strength from!

MaNaAk

Thanks MaNaAk I’ll do that. Yes I suppose that’s one of the difficult parts of someone going into care - you don’t or can’t trust anyone to do what you would have done previously.

 

[MaNaAk]

Thanks MaNaAk I’ll do that. Yes I suppose that’s one of the difficult parts of someone going into care - you don’t or can’t trust anyone to do what you would have done previously.

It also takes a while to trust someone when your loved goes into care and in my case it's dad with his diabetes. Dad comes out on Friday but I will be enquiring about more respite care at the end of next month and I will put his name down in case he needs permanent care in the future. I hope your mum is recovering from her fall.

Also I hope dad isn't too confused when he comes out!!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Thanks MaNaAk.
That was my worry when I planned for respite for mum. I know from mum being at day care that she was very confused after the day so it was best just to get her fed and off to be ASAP. Maybe if you try that with your dad it will work x

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou for your advice Blondee! I'll bear this in mind when I pick dad up.

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Dear Blondee,

I will be organising some more respite care for dad after he comes out because I will be on holiday at the end of July and I am hoping to put his name done for permanent care for when he needs it because like you I've been advised to do this by several people. However I have been thinking about your mum's leg. Has she seen the doctor yet?

Last year dad had oedema in his legs and although he wasn't limping his legs were hard. A foot stool was recommended alongwith compression socks and this worked but it didn't tackle the source of the problem. Therefore late last year dad suffered a series of falls resulting in scoliosis in the lower lumber. Anyway a bloodtest showed that his sodium level was dangerously low and subsequent blood pressure readings were normal when he was sitting but when he stood up they plummeted . The cause of all this was his blood pressure medication which dad had to take because diabetes type 2 can cause high blood pressure. Therefore at the end of November dad had his enalapril and felodopine medication removed and he spent the night in hospital. He was put on water tablets after a weekend without enalapril he was put back on it and I was told to ensure that his flud intake did not exceed more than a daily pint.

I constantly check dad's legs because of his diabetes and to ensure that this problem does not return. I also find that when I insist on checking his feet I can also ensure that his socks are cleaned and I try to do his nails. However he can be very stubborn when he sees me with the toe nailclipper!

MaNaAk

Hi MaNaAk
Exactly the same thing has happened to mum. I saw here on Monday and her legs were quite swollen. After I left, for some inexplicable reason she decided to attempt the stairs, got to the second one then fell. They discovered her blood pressure was really low and sent her to hospital as a precaution. Anyway they found she had a hairline fracture in her pelvis but it sounds like they were pretty thorough with their checks as they discovered low sodium levels and recommended her medication was reviewed. She didn’t need to stay in hospital and the next day the Dr took her off amlodipine and said to restrict her fluids, give her soft food etc. She’s mainly just been sleeping aided no doubt by the strong painkillers she’s on. Nightmare. I’m scared to answer the phone.

Is it tomorrow your dad comes home?

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi MaNaAk
Exactly the same thing has happened to mum. I saw here on Monday and her legs were quite swollen. After I left, for some inexplicable reason she decided to attempt the stairs, got to the second one then fell. They discovered her blood pressure was really low and sent her to hospital as a precaution. Anyway they found she had a hairline fracture in her pelvis but it sounds like they were pretty thorough with their checks as they discovered low sodium levels and recommended her medication was reviewed. She didn’t need to stay in hospital and the next day the Dr took her off amlodipine and said to restrict her fluids, give her soft food etc. She’s mainly just been sleeping aided no doubt by the strong painkillers she’s on. Nightmare. I’m scared to answer the phone.

Is it tomorrow your dad comes home?

Hello Blondee!

Yes! Tomorrow is the day when dad comes home and I am praying that he will get on a bit better with the carers. They do a very difficult job and I know exactly how you feel about your mum. The doctor may have removed some of her medication but it will take some time for her to recover. She will need to be careful when she gets up from a chair or out of bed but I wonder if you have had a referral to the falls clinic. They could recommend panic alarms, key safes, bed rails, bath rails and bath stools this should help to keep your mum safe and maybe put your mind at ease. Is your mum going into respite again because if not you should book it as soon as possible so that you have a little break to look forward to.

I hope she feels better soon and also I am sending my hugs to you.

Keep up the good work

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Hi MaNaAk
Fingers crossed for you and your Dad tomorrow.
Mum is in a home now - almost three weeks and continues to confound. I went to visit today and found her sitting fully dressed, chatting in the day room. The swelling on her legs was down and she seemed a bit more alert. The staff said she wanted to get up this morning so they put her in a chair and then decided to take her to where she had company. I had a new throw for her room and she decided she would take me there but we managed to keep her in place. Where do they get the resilience.
Every good wish for tomorrow. Let us know how it goes and if he’s confused get him into bed ASAP. That’s what I did with mum after day care and she was fine the next day.

Denise

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi MaNaAk
Fingers crossed for you and your Dad tomorrow.
Mum is in a home now - almost three weeks and continues to confound. I went to visit today and found her sitting fully dressed, chatting in the day room. The swelling on her legs was down and she seemed a bit more alert. The staff said she wanted to get up this morning so they put her in a chair and then decided to take her to where she had company. I had a new throw for her room and she decided she would take me there but we managed to keep her in place. Where do they get the resilience.
Every good wish for tomorrow. Let us know how it goes and if he’s confused get him into bed ASAP. That’s what I did with mum after day care and she was fine the next day.

Denise

Dear Denise,

I'm pleased that you mum is recovering from her fall and the home sounds very good with very patient staff. It will take her sometime to get over her fracture but a bit longer for her sodium and blood pressure to get back to normal.

I arrived to collect dad at 2.30 pm and he was so settled in the home that he almost started to change his mind. Anyway I packed his belongings and then I remembered another bag which the staff brought to me and we were on our way. Yes! dad was a bit confused because when I got him home he couldn't believe he was in his house and he seemed to think he owned the big one near the seaside (care home). However he forgot mum was dead so I let him sit down for a bit before he had dinner and then bed. Apart from a knock on my door at the crack of dawn he slept very well although he says he is still tired today.

Anyway this week I will be starting him at a day centre again and the carers will be coming in. However I am starting to realise that I need back-up if everything doesn't go to plan so if the day centre doesn't work the home have said that they will take him during the day at £65 per day. I am now going to add the cost of the daycentre and the carers and compare that with what the home are offering. The price of the home might come to more than the day centre and carers but if it is more beneficial to dad I think it is worth it.

One more thing though and that is whatever happened to dad's hearing aid batteries and their log book? They are no where to be found! The home says there is no sign of them in his room but there's no sign of them in his luggage! I was due to change his hearing aid batteries today but now I have to wait until Monday when the audiology department at the hospital is open and I can order a new log book before hopefully collecting any new batteries from our local clinic! When his batteries run out I will be driven mad with repeats and talking in a loud voice!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Hello MaNaAk
That all sounds positive for your dad except for the hearing aid. But if he had stayed an extra day I bet it would have turned up.
As I found, needing full time care can happen overnight. I had been told that but really didn’t think it would happen. I realised I couldn’t continue, a week later the SW agreed that mum needed full time care (we are in Scotland so a bit different with funding) and Two weeks after that mum went into the home. Very quick but that was the way I needed to do it. I found a home I really liked and they happened to have vacancies so that was it. If only it had been as easy to do it.
I hope your day care option works out.

Denise

 

[Elle3]

Hi MaNaAk

I am so pleased to read that the respite care in the home went so well for your dad and that he’s now back home with you. I hope you managed to get a good rest yourself. At least you now know that you have options that could suit both of you.

I hope all goes well at home.

Elle x

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou Denise and Elle,

Yes! I think that the hearing aid batteries would have turned up if dad had stayed an extra day and I suspect that they have fallen on the floor near the bedside cabinet because I have found the hearing aids on the floor themselves because dad has woken up and fumbled around for the bedside lamp! He's been spoilt rotten as he expected me to give him a shave today but I said I can't do it because I am a woman so he tried to do it himself and he remembered how to do it!

On a serious note as the two of you have found we have to look to the future to a time when it is no longer possible to look after our loved ones which is why I have put dad on the waiting list. He will need more care in the future and whilst I am able to care for him at the moment the will be a time when I am unable to do this. Live-in care is an option but not if dad doesn't get on with the carers so I care home may be a better option. I hope that your mum is feeling better and that she is settled in the care home Denise and Elle I hope your dad is okay. I have read a couple of your threads and I particularly remember the one about the first care home which is why I panicked when I found a message on my phone only to find that they wanted to know more about dad's diet. I think we are programmed to prepare ourselves for the worst in this dreadful scenario. I also fully understand the shock you had when your mum fractured her pelvis and why you jump when the phone rings Denise.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou Denise and Elle,

Yes! I think that the hearing aid batteries would have turned up if dad had stayed an extra day and I suspect that they have fallen on the floor near the bedside cabinet because I have found the hearing aids on the floor themselves because dad has woken up and fumbled around for the bedside lamp! He's been spoilt rotten as he expected me to give him a shave today but I said I can't do it because I am a woman so he tried to do it himself and he remembered how to do it!

On a serious note as the two of you have found we have to look to the future to a time when it is no longer possible to look after our loved ones which is why I have put dad on the waiting list. He will need more care in the future and whilst I am able to care for him at the moment the will be a time when I am unable to do this. Live-in care is an option but not if dad doesn't get on with the carers so I care home may be a better option. I hope that your mum is feeling better and that she is settled in the care home Denise and Elle I hope your dad is okay. I have read a couple of your threads and I particularly remember the one about the first care home which is why I panicked when I found a message on my phone only to find that they wanted to know more about dad's diet. I think we are programmed to prepare ourselves for the worst in this dreadful scenario. I also fully understand the shock you had when your mum fractured her pelvis and why you jump when the phone rings Denise.

MaNaAk

Dear Denise and Elle,

Please read Myss's thread entitled 'Ever Had A Falling Out With Your PWDs Care Company' and you'll realise that I might have to send dad back to the care home sooner than expected and possibly into permanent care after falling out with the second care company. I asked for a female carer and they sent a male carer. Now when dad came out of respite he was quite refreshed but when I saw a male carer at the door my heart sank as I knew dad would become agitated and he did exactly that. Only this time he pushed the carer's hands what is the point of me having a carer if they are going to do the opposite of what I asked. I admit that dad did say to the first carer that it is a man's job to care for him but he forgot that he made the previous care companies' male carers feel unwelcome. If a care company is going to pay more attention to the PWD than the carer then I don't know what I am doing here. They obviously should be talking to dad!

MaNaAk

 

[Elle3]

Dear Denise and Elle,

Please read Myss's thread entitled 'Ever Had A Falling Out With Your PWDs Care Company' and you'll realise that I might have to send dad back to the care home sooner than expected and possibly into permanent care after falling out with the second care company. I asked for a female carer and they sent a male carer. Now when dad came out of respite he was quite refreshed but when I saw a male carer at the door my heart sank as I knew dad would become agitated and he did exactly that. Only this time he pushed the carer's hands what is the point of me having a carer if they are going to do the opposite of what I asked. I admit that dad did say to the first carer that it is a man's job to care for him but he forgot that he made the previous care companies' male carers feel unwelcome. If a care company is going to pay more attention to the PWD than the carer then I don't know what I am doing here. They obviously should be talking to dad!

MaNaAk

Oh MaNaAk, I'm so sorry to read this (I have read some of the other thread, but I will catch up to see if there is more).

My dad also has issues with male carers and I had to warn the care home that dad may become aggressive with them. The problem is my dad can be unpredictable, so like today he acceptable a male carer giving him a shower, but later the same one tried to comb his hair and dad had a go at him. It's better being safe than sorry and it's upsetting when you put a request in to the care company for a female carer and they send a male, it's not good enough.

I hope you can get it sorted.

Big hugs
Elle x

 

[Blondee]

Oh MaNaAk how awful. Please try not to let this undo all the good the respite has done you. Difficult as it may seem, try to take a breath before making any decisions about the future. You are absolutely justified in taking the care company to task but make sure you are calm enough to do so. If you can get things sorted with them then it may make going forward that bit easier. If you can’t get to an arrangement where you have confidence in them. If the time comes for permanent care for your dad then you want it to be because you have done your best (which you have) but it has now gone past what you can provide. That may be the case but we are here to support you as always so please keep us up to date.
Denise x

 

[MaNaAk]

Oh MaNaAk how awful. Please try not to let this undo all the good the respite has done you. Difficult as it may seem, try to take a breath before making any decisions about the future. You are absolutely justified in taking the care company to task but make sure you are calm enough to do so. If you can get things sorted with them then it may make going forward that bit easier. If you can’t get to an arrangement where you have confidence in them. If the time comes for permanent care for your dad then you want it to be because you have done your best (which you have) but it has now gone past what you can provide. That may be the case but we are here to support you as always so please keep us up to date.
Denise x

Dear Blondee and Elle,

I have permanent care may be sooner than expected because dad is currently on the living room floor with back trouble. An ambulance has been called and so far we have waited for almost two hours. I have to say I stopped him from falling and I was going to start another thread tomorrow to ask what I would expect the dist team to suggest if my local dementia coordinator calls them again. She is coming on Wednesday and they are doing all they can to keep dad here at home but my youngest brother and I are accepting the fact that dad may have to go into the home quickly. However it is taking my other brother longer to accept this because he is concerned that I may lose the roof over my head to pay for dad's care. As far as I am concerned I know the fees are extensive although at £650 per week this is one of the cheaper homes I can do what I can to shape my own destiny once dad is happy and safe. I have probably spoken a bit of rubbish here but then I have come back home from an orchestra rehearsal and this has happened. My youngest brother sat for dad and he said that dad was quite active in the evening but it was when I tried to get dad up to bed after my brother left that this happened.

This is all very sad but I have to think that dad has other conditions at his as well as alzheimers. I will let you know what happens.

MaNaAk

 

[Elle3]

Dear Blondee and Elle,

I have permanent care may be sooner than expected because dad is currently on the living room floor with back trouble. An ambulance has been called and so far we have waited for almost two hours. I have to say I stopped him from falling and I was going to start another thread tomorrow to ask what I would expect the dist team to suggest if my local dementia coordinator calls them again. She is coming on Wednesday and they are doing all they can to keep dad here at home but my youngest brother and I are accepting the fact that dad may have to go into the home quickly. However it is taking my other brother longer to accept this because he is concerned that I may lose the roof over my head to pay for dad's care. As far as I am concerned I know the fees are extensive although at £650 per week this is one of the cheaper homes I can do what I can to shape my own destiny once dad is happy and safe. I have probably spoken a bit of rubbish here but then I have come back home from an orchestra rehearsal and this has happened. My youngest brother sat for dad and he said that dad was quite active in the evening but it was when I tried to get dad up to bed after my brother left that this happened.

This is all very sad but I have to think that dad has other conditions at his as well as alzheimers. I will let you know what happens.

MaNaAk

Oh MaNaAk, I am so sorry to hear this, I hope the ambulance arrived soon after your post, the waiting time is terrible, especially when you are dealing with an old man with Alzheimer’s who probably doesn’t really understand what is going on.

Big hugs, please keep us informed. Elle xx

 

[Blondee]

Dear MaNaAk
How terrible. I hope you didn’t have too much longer to wait for the ambulance and that you dad is more comfortable now. It’s just such a terrible situation.
Please keep us updated.
Denise x

 

[Bunpoots]

I hope your dad's OK @MaNaAk . My dad had a fall a few weeks back and we were told 2 hrs waiting time by the paramedics. Disgusting isn't it! We managed to get dad up (daughter was with me) just as someone arrived.

The good thing about the fall was we suddenly got people taking dad's situation seriously and it has lead to me getting more support in caring for him.
My dad's still at home - for now..

Let us know what happens

 

[nae sporran]

I hope you are finally home and resting now ManaAk. A & E departments can be horrendous places when you are stuck overnight, and good luck getting your dad assessed while he is in hospital.