Father's Day!

[MaNaAk]

Hello everyone!

This coming Friday will see the beginning of dad's very first taste of respite and it will last for two weeks. This would of course incorporate Father's Day and of course it will probably be one of dad's worst ever Father's Day.
I was considering bringing a present for him and the care home were saying that he needs to have visitors for the first few days at least because he could be feeling as if he has been abandoned. However adult social care have suggested that I should stay away because if he sees me he will think that I have come to take him home and they have reminded me that I need a rest. I can see their point however I know this is trivial but would anyone here suggest that my brother brings my present for him? Also this presents a problem for invisibles everywhere in that they would have to step in!

MaNaAk

 

[love.dad.but..]

I visited dad after 2 days although his stay was permanent not respite. I was ready with strategies of words and actions and flexibility if needed and I didn't want dad to feel abandoned..his opening sentence when he saw me of 'thank goodness you came back for me' made me choke as I knew it was a permanent stay but I was resolute in knowing it was in dad's best interests. However as the respite is for your needs as much as your dads perhaps take adult social care advice for this one.I can understand why each would have their own thoughts but personally I would be guided by the care home...they do this day in day out rather than text book SW however this respite is for you to rest so perhaps for this reason they are right. On the present front...maybe your brother could take a token present to mark the day and when your dad returns from respite you could do somwthing else to mark the day. He may not know when father's day is or remember that it has gone.

 

[MaNaAk]

I visited dad after 2 days although his stay was permanent not respite. I was ready with strategies of words and actions and flexibility if needed and I didn't want dad to feel abandoned..his opening sentence when he saw me of 'thank goodness you came back for me' made me choke as I knew it was a permanent stay but I was resolute in knowing it was in dad's best interests. However as the respite is for your needs as much as your dads perhaps take adult social care advice for this one.I can understand why each would have their own thoughts but personally I would be guided by the care home...they do this day in day out rather than text book SW however this respite is for you to rest so perhaps for this reason they are right. On the present front...maybe your brother could take a token present to mark the day and when your dad returns from respite you could do somwthing else to mark the day. He may not know when father's day is or remember that it has gone.

Thankyou Love.dad but,

Dad will be unaware about Father's Day and I will never stop thinking about him and as for my brothers they will have to step up!

We will definitely do something when he comes out.

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Hello MaNaAk
I would be guided by the care home on this one. Before mum went in they said to me that if she is not settling right away then they would advise me to stay away so that they can get her settled in. As Love.Dad. But says this respite is for you so take the time and the space that it gives you to recharge the batteries. You need it and deserve it!
Blondee x

 

[MaNaAk]

Hello MaNaAk
I would be guided by the care home on this one. Before mum went in they said to me that if she is not settling right away then they would advise me to stay away so that they can get her settled in. As Love.Dad. But says this respite is for you so take the time and the space that it gives you to recharge the batteries. You need it and deserve it!
Blondee x

Thankyou very much Blondee and I hope your mum is settling in well. The new care agency saw dad on a bad day on Friday but the young carer stayed until I got back so she is to be commended. Today the carer arrived and they hit it off straight away so I was very pleased but I wish I new where I am with this illness!

Hope you are relaxing as well and to end with please see my latest instalment of the lighter side of Alzheimers. All I can say is dad bought this house see he is insulting himself! I am giggling as I write this!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Will just go and read that now.
I am relaxing and you know when I came home on Friday after leaving mum I didn’t think I ever would. I miss her but no regrets and that’s weird.

Hugs x

 

[MaNaAk]

Will just go and read that now.
I am relaxing and you know when I came home on Friday after leaving mum I didn’t think I ever would. I miss her but no regrets and that’s weird.

Hugs x

Dear Blondee,

I hope your mum is settled at the care home. Tomorrow is the big day and I am looking forward to a rest but I am just praying that the home can keep dad for two weeks!.

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Dear MaNaAk
Early days yet but I visited mum on Tuesday and she was content and happy. When I said I had some stuff to put in her room she readily said ok let’s go and started leading the way. She did get a bit lost but then so did I. It’s an old house with lots of turns and corridors but she knew the general direction.
I do hope your dad settles ok and you can take the time you need to relax. One thing to bear in mind though. When I saw mum after a few days in a completely different, unfamiliar environment it made me realise just how far her dementia has progressed. I don’t mean that I thought she had deteriorated but I am used to seeing her in an environment that is very familiar to her, as you will be with your dad, and that masks it somewhat. Out of that you can see the reality.
I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Blondee

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear MaNaAk
Early days yet but I visited mum on Tuesday and she was content and happy. When I said I had some stuff to put in her room she readily said ok let’s go and started leading the way. She did get a bit lost but then so did I. It’s an old house with lots of turns and corridors but she knew the general direction.
I do hope your dad settles ok and you can take the time you need to relax. One thing to bear in mind though. When I saw mum after a few days in a completely different, unfamiliar environment it made me realise just how far her dementia has progressed. I don’t mean that I thought she had deteriorated but I am used to seeing her in an environment that is very familiar to her, as you will be with your dad, and that masks it somewhat. Out of that you can see the reality.
I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Blondee

Dear Blondee,

I took dad in today and he did say we've been here before and what are we doing here. When I left I thought I've done it he's only ten minutes walk away but when I reached our road I saw my neighbour whose husband was put in a nursing home straight after a fall. It was when I said that dad's gone into respites it started to sink in a bit and then when I had my violin pupil who is also an old school friend I must admit I did have to keep my emotions in check.

Whilst I was teaching I turned my phone of and then when I went out to have some lunch I turned it on again I found the home had tried to call. When I saw that they had tried to phone my first though, bearing in mind the trouble dad had been giving his carers, was not again so imagine my relief when I found that they only wanted to talk about his diet so that they could make him a good lunch! Anyway I asked how he was doing and they said he did go towards the door a couple of times to which I said he does stand by the door at home opening and closing it.
I then suggested that they could take him around the garden to which they said that he sat in the conservatory and admired the view.

There hasn't been a moment today when I didn't think about him for example if he had been here we would have been going out to lunch but when I saw that the home had tried to phone even if it was to discuss his diet it did make me realise that I had done the right thing. Your mum sounds quite settled and I can only hope that dad will be the same . I won't be with him on Father's Day but my brother will be able to bring my present and I will turn it into a carer's rest day if he is still in the home! They had a quiz as I was leaving so it was good that this was a distraction and I even think he may have seen me leave!

I have also enlightened my brothers about the fact that they must leave dad discreetly possibly without saying goodbye. This is a horrible illness but I can say that I am caring for dad as best I can also i forgot to say that whilst the home said that dad didn't eat much I said that he has been like this at home and his diabetic medicine (aspirin) and a weak heart muscle was probably to blame. Dad has been given another medicine to help his stomach accept the aspirin because he has been on it for a long time.

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Dear Blondee,

I took dad in today and he did say we've been here before and what are we doing here. When I left I thought I've done it he's only ten minutes walk away but when I reached our road I saw my neighbour whose husband was put in a nursing home straight after a fall. It was when I said that dad's gone into respites it started to sink in a bit and then when I had my violin pupil who is also an old school friend I must admit I did have to keep my emotions in check.

Whilst I was teaching I turned my phone of and then when I went out to have some lunch I turned it on again I found the home had tried to call. When I saw that they had tried to phone my first though, bearing in mind the trouble dad had been giving his carers, was not again so imagine my relief when I found that they only wanted to talk about his diet so that they could make him a good lunch! Anyway I asked how he was doing and they said he did go towards the door a couple of times to which I said he does stand by the door at home opening and closing it.
I then suggested that they could take him around the garden to which they said that he sat in the conservatory and admired the view.

There hasn't been a moment today when I didn't think about him for example if he had been here we would have been going out to lunch but when I saw that the home had tried to phone even if it was to discuss his diet it did make me realise that I had done the right thing. Your mum sounds quite settled and I can only hope that dad will be the same . I won't be with him on Father's Day but my brother will be able to bring my present and I will turn it into a carer's rest day if he is still in the home! They had a quiz as I was leaving so it was good that this was a distraction and I even think he may have seen me leave!

I have also enlightened my brothers about the fact that they must leave dad discreetly possibly without saying goodbye. This is a horrible illness but I can say that I am caring for dad as best I can also i forgot to say that whilst the home said that dad didn't eat much I said that he has been like this at home and his diabetic medicine (aspirin) and a weak heart muscle was probably to blame. Dad has been given another medicine to help his stomach accept the aspirin because he has been on it for a long time.

MaNaAk

Dear MaNaAk
That sounds positive. I know exactly what you mean about trying to keep your emotions in check. I’m firmly of the belief that you find the strength to do these things because your brain in some way protects itself from what it can’t deal with, if that makes sense. It’s only after it that you realise the enormity of what we have done.
And I shared that sinking feeling when the home phoned but it was only to check something about the funding.
So far so good

Blondee

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear MaNaAk
That sounds positive. I know exactly what you mean about trying to keep your emotions in check. I’m firmly of the belief that you find the strength to do these things because your brain in some way protects itself from what it can’t deal with, if that makes sense. It’s only after it that you realise the enormity of what we have done.
And I shared that sinking feeling when the home phoned but it was only to check something about the funding.
So far so good

Blondee

Dear Blondee,

I hope your mum's still okay in the care home. I phoned the care home today and I asked how dad was and they said that he asked after me but they also said that he was giggly! This gave me the indication that he was chatting up the ladies because there was only one other male resident. My brother then went to see him and he said that dad was sitting in the conservatory and he was quite cheery although he did ask to go home! Anyway all's well so far.

We get the strength from somewhere!

MaNaAk

 

[Duggies-girl]

Dear Blondee,

I hope your mum's still okay in the care home. I phoned the care home today and I asked how dad was and they said that he asked after me but they also said that he was giggly! This gave me the indication that he was chatting up the ladies because there was only one other male resident. My brother then went to see him and he said that dad was sitting in the conservatory and he was quite cheery although he did ask to go home! Anyway all's well so far.

We get the strength from somewhere!

MaNaAk

Well that's a positive @MaNaAk chatting up the ladies. At least he is interacting with others. It must be so hard for you but you have to make the most of your bit of free time, your dad will be fine by the sounds of it and you care for him so well. I don't know where we get the strength from but we do.

 

[Blondee]

Oh MaNaAk that’s so good. I’ve been thinking about you. You can’t get much better than giggly. Hope you are getting a rest.

Mum still seems to be doing ok. Going to visit tomorrow. Printed off a lovely photo of her, two aunts a cousin and I that was on my phone today and got a lovely frame so will take it with me and start gradually personalising her room.

Keep your fingers crossed and please keep us updated.

Denise

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear Duggie's Girl and Denise,

Dad loves spending time in the conservatory and giving the impression that he is on holiday as well. I hope your PWDs are okay and Denise your mum sounds like she is as relaxed as dad. Duggie's Girl my brothers are coming to me for advice on a situation they know nothing about. Also my youngest brother who lives locally but did not come and see this home with me commented about dad's small room but by then it was too late. If invisibles leave things to us they can't complain especially as dad was already commenting on the beauty of the grounds before starting respite!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Yes. You are the one who is involved so you make the decisions. That all sounds very positive and your dad sounds as if he is quite enjoying the break.
I saw mum today and was a bit upset. She was wearing someone else’s slippers and when she got up to walk she was limping heavily and complaining she was in pain when she walked. We went to the nurse in charge on the way to her room and I asked what was wrong with mums leg. To be fair it was like I’d lit a fire under them and they looked at her legs and said it was oedema, very common but that she was seeing the dr in the morning. Local dr runs a surgery every tues morning in the home.
Mum still said she was enjoying it but was looking forward to a day she could be home but I suppose that’s to be expected.
Bit perturbed though that three pairs of trousers weren’t in evidence nor were the two pairs of pjs I had taken. That will really get to me.

Will phone tomorrow to find out how it went with the dr and think I will raise the laundry question with them. I know care homes are notorious for things going missing but I don’t see that it’s something that we should have to put up with and not something that I could easily accept, if at all.

Sorry MaNaAk, I seem to have hijacked your thread again x

 

[MaNaAk]

Yes. You are the one who is involved so you make the decisions. That all sounds very positive and your dad sounds as if he is quite enjoying the break.
I saw mum today and was a bit upset. She was wearing someone else’s slippers and when she got up to walk she was limping heavily and complaining she was in pain when she walked. We went to the nurse in charge on the way to her room and I asked what was wrong with mums leg. To be fair it was like I’d lit a fire under them and they looked at her legs and said it was oedema, very common but that she was seeing the dr in the morning. Local dr runs a surgery every tues morning in the home.
Mum still said she was enjoying it but was looking forward to a day she could be home but I suppose that’s to be expected.
Bit perturbed though that three pairs of trousers weren’t in evidence nor were the two pairs of pjs I had taken. That will really get to me.

Will phone tomorrow to find out how it went with the dr and think I will raise the laundry question with them. I know care homes are notorious for things going missing but I don’t see that it’s something that we should have to put up with and not something that I could easily accept, if at all.

Sorry MaNaAk, I seem to have hijacked your thread again x

That's okay Blondee!

I hope your mum will feel better soon and let's see what the doctor says. I have a friend whose dad was in a care home and suffering from vascular dementia and her dad had trouble walking.
She said that because he was in a care home he wasn't on his feet much and this was why he had trouble. Therefore I wonder whether the doctor will recommend that the home provide some sort of physical activity which is what some of them are supposed to provide. Also I wonder what I am going to find when I collect dad a week on Friday.

When dad comes out I hope to arrange the next lot of respite care and possibly put dad's name down for when he needs more permanent care. My personal gripe is with our local surgery every time a doctor makes an alteration in his medication I find it is not included in the blister pack. I know I should check this but I can do without the extra trips to the surgery!

Good luck tomorrow

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

That's okay Blondee!

I hope your mum will feel better soon and let's see what the doctor says. I have a friend whose dad was in a care home and suffering from vascular dementia and her dad had trouble walking.
She said that because he was in a care home he wasn't on his feet much and this was why he had trouble. Therefore I wonder whether the doctor will recommend that the home provide some sort of physical activity which is what some of them are supposed to provide. Also I wonder what I am going to find when I collect dad a week on Friday.

When dad comes out I hope to arrange the next lot of respite care and possibly put dad's name down for when he needs more permanent care. My personal gripe is with our local surgery every time a doctor makes an alteration in his medication I find it is not included in the blister pack. I know I should check this but I can do without the extra trips to the surgery!

Good luck tomorrow

MaNaAk

PS: I forgot to say that dad's is still enjoying his 'holiday'.

 

[Blondee]

Oh I’m glad he’s still enjoying it. I must admit I’m surprised with the ease that mum has taken to this so far. I did want to time her move to permanent care for when she had been in respite and hopefully enjoyed it but things didn’t work that way. If it’s any help, several people who have been through this said to me to get things in place sooner rather than later as the need for full time care can happen in a heartbeat. That’s what happened with mum and I but the it all happening in a rush was maybe best.

 

[MaNaAk]

Oh I’m glad he’s still enjoying it. I must admit I’m surprised with the ease that mum has taken to this so far. I did want to time her move to permanent care for when she had been in respite and hopefully enjoyed it but things didn’t work that way. If it’s any help, several people who have been through this said to me to get things in place sooner rather than later as the need for full time care can happen in a heartbeat. That’s what happened with mum and I but the it all happening in a rush was maybe best.

Dear Blondee,

I will be organising some more respite care for dad after he comes out because I will be on holiday at the end of July and I am hoping to put his name done for permanent care for when he needs it because like you I've been advised to do this by several people. However I have been thinking about your mum's leg. Has she seen the doctor yet?

Last year dad had oedema in his legs and although he wasn't limping his legs were hard. A foot stool was recommended alongwith compression socks and this worked but it didn't tackle the source of the problem. Therefore late last year dad suffered a series of falls resulting in scoliosis in the lower lumber. Anyway a bloodtest showed that his sodium level was dangerously low and subsequent blood pressure readings were normal when he was sitting but when he stood up they plummeted . The cause of all this was his blood pressure medication which dad had to take because diabetes type 2 can cause high blood pressure. Therefore at the end of November dad had his enalapril and felodopine medication removed and he spent the night in hospital. He was put on water tablets after a weekend without enalapril he was put back on it and I was told to ensure that his flud intake did not exceed more than a daily pint.

I constantly check dad's legs because of his diabetes and to ensure that this problem does not return. I also find that when I insist on checking his feet I can also ensure that his socks are cleaned and I try to do his nails. However he can be very stubborn when he sees me with the toe nailclipper!

MaNaAk

 

[Blondee]

Hi MaNaAk
I’ve just been on another new thread. Mum saw the dr the other day and he said while there is oedema there it doesn’t warrant medication.
I can’t help worrying though that this has happened to my very sprightly six and a half stone mum albeit she is 92.
And I had a call from the home today to say she had fallen when getting up from her chair although is absolutely fine and they thought it was to do with her legs.
Can’t help thinking that 10 days after going into a home this is a real coincidence.
Denise x