@Greyone , Well, it's two years and eight months since my husband died. I'm used to it, as I got used to visiting him in the nursing home. But, I don't think it will ever be "normal". I miss little things, like taking him for tea and cake. Or watching dvds together in the evening. I have a little grandson now, and I think how much delight he would have taken in him (except of course, that with the dementia, he
wouldn't! Because reality is that with the dementia, all of my attention had to be focused on him, or he would get aggressive/sulky and literally pull me away!)
I'm making a conscious effort to focus forward, and focus on life. I took on two very sickly rescue kittens in October, and as they've grown, they've certainly given me a focus. Reason to get out of bed. (And they are now in good health, but have to be house cats. Hadn't bargained for that!) It's nice to have something besides me alive and breathing in the house! I've taken up knitting again. I'm trying to get out and walk more, and trying to connect more with friends. And of course, spend more time with family, see my brothers & their families, take my mum out. It doesn't just "happen" though. Without me making a real effort (and I'd rather not make that effort, most of the time), I would just stay at home, in my house, which is my security blanket, and go nowhere and see nobody. However, that is not going to be helpful to me, is it?
Yes, I do still carry the sadness and grief with me. I think that's something that will always be there. How have I coped in year three? Well, tbh, what is the alternative? I think the third year seems to be when we can look at things, and realise "Well, this is pants, and not at all what I expected at this stage of life. But it is how it is, and the only way is forward." Because, all the grieving in the world won't change things. My grandson's birth certainly helped with perspective. I remember my daughter being born, and being a toddler. And now, there she is in her 30s, with a toddler. And my husband was in his 80s when he died. It's the cycle of life, isn't it? It just keeps going.
I hope you continue to move through your grieving for your mum. It will always be with you, but I hope it will become easier, as time passes.