I haven't been here for a while but I don't know where else to turn. I've been having fertility treatment to try to have a baby and my 2 best friends, a married couple, have just announced they are so sickened by our decision to have children when it's *possible* there is genetic young onset dementia in my family (based on it occurring in 2 generations in a row) that they can't be friends with us anymore. My husband and I are devastated. It was a hard decision to go ahead under these circumstances and this just makes it so much harder. Has anyone else experienced this?
Cut off by friends for wanting children
- Thread starter FiveWords
- Start date
I've not had your experience but surely if they were true friends they would support you in your decision which is yours alone to make?
They may not agree but how awful to be dropped for wanting children...
I wish you all the luck in the world with your treatment xxx
They may not agree but how awful to be dropped for wanting children...
I wish you all the luck in the world with your treatment xxx
True friends would sit down and talk about it with you, not to judge, not to condemn - but to try to see the difficulties and emotions you are experiencing in having the added stress of dementia to add to the issues of having fertility treatment.
In my humble opinion, this says far more about your 'friends' than it does about you and your husband and your decision. To be honest, my gut reaction is you are better off without them but I can understand that it is difficult if you have been friends for some time and understand how hurtful it must be.
Maybe you can email or write to them to say that this is your decision, made after lots of thought and advice and certainly not made lightly. You would prefer that they respect your decision and support you, but if they feel unable to do so then this will mean that your friendship either cannot continue or only be very superficial at best.
It certainly doesn't excuse their unkind behaviour but do they have fertility issues or reasons why they can't have (further) children? Maybe there is something that you are unaware of but it still doesn't excuse their behaviour.
I join Prudence in wishing you and your husband a successful outcome to your treatment and all good wishes for any and all future additions to your family.
Take care,
In my humble opinion, this says far more about your 'friends' than it does about you and your husband and your decision. To be honest, my gut reaction is you are better off without them but I can understand that it is difficult if you have been friends for some time and understand how hurtful it must be.
Maybe you can email or write to them to say that this is your decision, made after lots of thought and advice and certainly not made lightly. You would prefer that they respect your decision and support you, but if they feel unable to do so then this will mean that your friendship either cannot continue or only be very superficial at best.
It certainly doesn't excuse their unkind behaviour but do they have fertility issues or reasons why they can't have (further) children? Maybe there is something that you are unaware of but it still doesn't excuse their behaviour.
I join Prudence in wishing you and your husband a successful outcome to your treatment and all good wishes for any and all future additions to your family.
Take care,
Just read your post and think that your friends need a reality check.
Firstly having children is a selfish act that we all wish to fulfill because we have a need to nurture. I myself didn't want children at all but I turned 30 and suddenly it was all I wanted. I was fortunate that I had no problem conceiving but I can understand how heartbreaking it can be for a couple who have a lot of love to give.
I think your friends are idiots to be frank. There are so many conditions that us as humans can fall prey to but it does not stop us from having children. Asthma and Diabetes are very common and on the increase. They can kill but does that stop people from trying for a baby. We would never have children if we considered all that can go wrong but remember for the majority of the time it doesn't. Keep that in mind.
This couple may have another agenda, but they don't have your best interests at heart. If you really value their friendship tell them how much you were hurt by what they said. See their reaction if they apologise then accept it and carry on if you can but if they labour their point and explain their stance, cut them from your life. You don't want negative people around you. Good Luck and please post when you have happier news . Big hug to you . X
Firstly having children is a selfish act that we all wish to fulfill because we have a need to nurture. I myself didn't want children at all but I turned 30 and suddenly it was all I wanted. I was fortunate that I had no problem conceiving but I can understand how heartbreaking it can be for a couple who have a lot of love to give.
I think your friends are idiots to be frank. There are so many conditions that us as humans can fall prey to but it does not stop us from having children. Asthma and Diabetes are very common and on the increase. They can kill but does that stop people from trying for a baby. We would never have children if we considered all that can go wrong but remember for the majority of the time it doesn't. Keep that in mind.
This couple may have another agenda, but they don't have your best interests at heart. If you really value their friendship tell them how much you were hurt by what they said. See their reaction if they apologise then accept it and carry on if you can but if they labour their point and explain their stance, cut them from your life. You don't want negative people around you. Good Luck and please post when you have happier news . Big hug to you . X
I'm shocked at your friends heartlessness. Whatever their opinions they are just - opinions. Such a major decision is yours and yours alone to make. These are not true friends and not good people. How could they deliberately cause you such emotional pain.
Brush them off and decide yourself.
Brush them off and decide yourself.
I am sorry for the ignorant attitude of your 'friends' somewhere in most families there is history of a repeating illness, all 4 of my grandparents died at a fairly young age all had differing cancers but neither mum nor dad died from cancer. So genetics play a part in predicting if.... but it by no means you will.
Unless you asked for their opinion it should not be given, it is a decision for you and your husband alone and I wish you every luck in the world going forward and try to forget about their ill judged remarks it is what you both want that is important not the opinions of others.
Unless you asked for their opinion it should not be given, it is a decision for you and your husband alone and I wish you every luck in the world going forward and try to forget about their ill judged remarks it is what you both want that is important not the opinions of others.
I agree with the posts above, as Father Ted says, your friends are idiots.
If they are like this now, they will be worse if you do have a child, constantly mithering you about this or something else.
Personally anyone who tries to dictate to parents about how to bring their child up, is way out of order.
I think you need to move on from this negative controlling behaviour and leave them behind.
If they are like this now, they will be worse if you do have a child, constantly mithering you about this or something else.
Personally anyone who tries to dictate to parents about how to bring their child up, is way out of order.
I think you need to move on from this negative controlling behaviour and leave them behind.
Could you get to the bottom of whether or not the early onset dementia in your family is genetic or not? My brother and I have just been told that tests have shown that my mother’s dementia is not genetic. And if it is genetic, could you seek out PGD IVF (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) - it might be worth looking into. That would ensure that your future child does not carry a gene for dementia.
As mentioned, your friends were unusually nasty to you. There will in most likelihood be a cure for dementia by the time today and tomorrow’s babies reach that stage.
As mentioned, your friends were unusually nasty to you. There will in most likelihood be a cure for dementia by the time today and tomorrow’s babies reach that stage.
I've lost alot of friends because of my mum's dementia as they don't get why I don't just "put her in a home and get on with my life ". But they are no longer my friends. Your friends are not thinking about your feelings and needs. Omg we could all get dementia who knows what is ahead for any of us? I have no children as I never met the right person. I wi
I echo what the others have said and your so called friends are the losers here. Who knows what the future will bring. You are obviously lovely people with a lot to give and any children that you have will be blessed with caring and loving parents. These friends are not worth worrying about. If they cannot support you and give you their blessing then forget them, they are not worth it. You do not need them or their opinions.
Life is not all about the what if's, The what if's may never happen. I never wanted children myself because I did not want the responsibility but I had a bit of a mishap that resulted in the most beautiful boy who turned my life upside down, changed all my well made plans and made my life absolutely worth living. Wishing you all the best and live your lives as if there is no tomorrow because you never know..
Life is not all about the what if's, The what if's may never happen. I never wanted children myself because I did not want the responsibility but I had a bit of a mishap that resulted in the most beautiful boy who turned my life upside down, changed all my well made plans and made my life absolutely worth living. Wishing you all the best and live your lives as if there is no tomorrow because you never know..
Thank you. I've had it out with them both and they absolutely cannot either support my decision nor accept it. They have ruled themselves out of my life. What more can I do? 15 years of being BFFs and now nothing. It's so hurtful.
Thank you, Father Ted, and I did, but they could not apologise or move on. They even turned the situation around onto me and said that because I'd once told them the arrival of their child had spurred me into having my own, that was really selfish of me as it had caused her some apparently agonising guilt towards my future child (yes I know, what a thing to say) to the point she is physically ill, apparently. She apparently can't forgive me for the emotions SHE is now feeling as a result of OUR decision. I've just read that back and I'm well rid of her, aren't I?
