Cut off by friends for wanting children

[love.dad.but..]

Thank you, Father Ted, and I did, but they could not apologise or move on. They even turned the situation around onto me and said that because I'd once told them the arrival of their child had spurred me into having my own, that was really selfish of me as it had caused her some apparently agonising guilt towards my future child (yes I know, what a thing to say) to the point she is physically ill, apparently. She apparently can't forgive me for the emotions SHE is now feeling as a result of OUR decision. I've just read that back and I'm well rid of her, aren't I?

I would go further and say that she in all honesty was not that great a friend to have had all those thoughts about you...well rid

 

[FiveWords]

I'm shocked at your friends heartlessness. Whatever their opinions they are just - opinions. Such a major decision is yours and yours alone to make. These are not true friends and not good people. How could they deliberately cause you such emotional pain.

Brush them off and decide yourself.

Thank you, I appreciate your kind support.

 

[FiveWords]

So sorry you've had such a shock. My father died at 43, as did my husband, and my uncle died at 32. They all left children and widows. Your friends have no guarantees.

I know. One of them lost a parent to a heart attack in his fifties but they're not concerned about that. They're seemingly only concerned about MY child inheriting things :-(

 

[father ted]

FiveWords, I hope that all the supportive, affirmative replies have reassured you that sometimes the people we think of as our friends aren't really. You do not deserve to be judged for wanting what many people take for granted. I wish you all success and suggest that you find a support group for couples going through fertility treatment too. They will understand and share all that you are going through and be tremendous support.
All the very best to you. X

 

[FiveWords]

I am sorry for the ignorant attitude of your 'friends' somewhere in most families there is history of a repeating illness, all 4 of my grandparents died at a fairly young age all had differing cancers but neither mum nor dad died from cancer. So genetics play a part in predicting if.... but it by no means you will.

Unless you asked for their opinion it should not be given, it is a decision for you and your husband alone and I wish you every luck in the world going forward and try to forget about their ill judged remarks it is what you both want that is important not the opinions of others.

Thank you, I really appreciate your support. X

 

[FiveWords]

I started to reply to people individually but there are so many of you I can't keep up! Thank you so much for your kind supportive words, I feel a lot better for it. I will not be maintaining any contact with these friends because why would I want to be friends with people like that, even if it was someone else they'd done it to? I'm obviously well rid of them and I now need to heal and move on.

 

[northumbrian_k]

You could worry your whole life, always looking out for some genetic 'time-bomb' until something unexpected hits you from the blind side. Or you could take the more reasonable view that, as there are so many other things that can 'possibly' go wrong in life it is not worth worrying. It is far better to think about all the things that can go right and that includes adding children to a family. You are right to drop the 'friends'. Best of luck with your fertility treatment.