Two years to get this bad. What now?

[Gnasher]

Hi:

Sorry about your eye, hope it gets better soon - but look on the bright side you currently have two visions of your lovely wife complaining, yelling, arguing etc etc etc. and when your vision returns to normal you'll only have one. But serious I think you miss socializing with friends and are upset, frustrated, tired and even a bit angry that you are housebound and can't go out when you would like I know you love your wife and she loves you too. She's most likely frustrated too. You are both eating off each others frustrations and the circle goes round & round. Don't know how mobile your wife is but my husband is still able to get around. We have a library meeting that we go to, also on bus trips and walks. Is there something like that where you live (just to get out of house), she might enjoy meeting other people. What are her interests? You need to get away from each other for awhile (an hour or two every few days).

For her lack of eating, have you tried nutritional drinks. We have this nutritional drink called Boost, it's for older people who don't eat enough. It comes in different flavours and actually tastes like a milkshake. Tastes better when cool. Be crafty & try your acting skills, drink one yourself first and she might want one too.

Good Luck.

Sometimes I have to look twice at these posts to ensure I did not write them. I suppose that is one of the reasons I like TP because I know so many people are experiencing exactly the same as me.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[AL60]

Hi:

Sorry about your eye, hope it gets better soon - but look on the bright side you currently have two visions of your lovely wife complaining, yelling, arguing etc etc etc. and when your vision returns to normal you'll only have one. But serious I think you miss socializing with friends and are upset, frustrated, tired and even a bit angry that you are housebound and can't go out when you would like I know you love your wife and she loves you too. She's most likely frustrated too. You are both eating off each others frustrations and the circle goes round & round. Don't know how mobile your wife is but my husband is still able to get around. We have a library meeting that we go to, also on bus trips and walks. Is there something like that where you live (just to get out of house), she might enjoy meeting other people. What are her interests? You need to get away from each other for awhile (an hour or two every few days).

For her lack of eating, have you tried nutritional drinks. We have this nutritional drink called Boost, it's for older people who don't eat enough. It comes in different flavours and actually tastes like a milkshake. Tastes better when cool. Be crafty & try your acting skills, drink one yourself first and she might want one too.

Good Luck.

Hi. I never realised how I missed the socialising, I'm not even getting much me time. She tends to stay up later, I think the lighter nights have something to do with that. Roll on autumn, ha only kidding. We've tried all kinds of things to try to interest her in eating. The dr suggested the nutritional drinks, oh I'll try that, picked some off the supermarket shelf, took one look at the ingredients and put it back, proclaiming, I'm not having That!!!. As for going out, she doesn't want to know. On the third Tuesday of every month she goes with friends to the local townswomen's guild. It's the first thing I put on the calendar, I look forward to it. Its a night off. Tonight is that Tuesday, she didn't go. Oh well, there's always next month. I'm still waiting for that sitting service to start. I've no doubt she'll be upset over that too but this time I'm putting myself first. She thinks she wants a cup of tea, that's my cue to put the kettle on, might even have one myself as for the eyesight, from where I'm sitting in can see two of her, really, I can only cope with one. Kettle, go, now. Al

 

[Caz60]

You're not alone in learning how to put yourself first it's got to be done .My hubby didn't want any help showering but I needed a rest so I put it in place and now its3 times a week and it's routine .
He also goes to daycare twice a week ,didn't want to go but said he would try it.He hasn't worked out why he goes he thinks he should be working but he goes and it makes such a difference .The staff are very encouraging and help make them relax and feel wanted .
This is my 3rd week of thinking about me and I love it and I'm more tolerant with my hubby .bless him .xx

 

[dancer12]

You're not alone in learning how to put yourself first it's got to be done .My hubby didn't want any help showering but I needed a rest so I put it in place and now its3 times a week and it's routine .
He also goes to daycare twice a week ,didn't want to go but said he would try it.He hasn't worked out why he goes he thinks he should be working but he goes and it makes such a difference .The staff are very encouraging and help make them relax and feel wanted .
This is my 3rd week of thinking about me and I love it and I'm more tolerant with my hubby .bless him .xx

Hi:

Why do they do stuff with other people and when we suggest it it's NO I DON'T FEEL/WANT TO DO IT and we accept it. Are they too comfortable with us? Do others have special powers?

Just wondering.

 

[Caz60]

Hi,
Not really sure why but a person other than the partner or loved one gets through to them .
My friend has problems occasionally getting her hubby with alzheimers to go to daycare but they send a collection bus with a person on the staff and sure enough he ends up going .I'm starting to get a bit more positive in my speech to my hubby rather than ask I put it to him different and don't always listen for an answer.Not sure how long this calmer situation will last but life is a bit easier with help .xx

 

[dancer12]

Hi,
Not really sure why but a person other than the partner or loved one gets through to them .
My friend has problems occasionally getting her hubby with alzheimers to go to daycare but they send a collection bus with a person on the staff and sure enough he ends up going .I'm starting to get a bit more positive in my speech to my hubby rather than ask I put it to him different and don't always listen for an answer.Not sure how long this calmer situation will last but life is a bit easier with help .xx

Hi:

Thanks for info. Maybe I'll get there eventually. Now it just seems to be arguing back & forth and we are saying the same thing. Maybe it is the way I say things to him, could be he picks up tone in my voice. I'm just so frustrated sometimes.

 

[Caz60]

Hi:

Thanks for info. Maybe I'll get there eventually. Now it just seems to be arguing back & forth and we are saying the same thing. Maybe it is the way I say things to him, could be he picks up tone in my voice. I'm just so frustrated sometimes.

Hi,
A typical situation was one of that he didn't understand why he was at "day club"he said I don't do anything and I'm supposed to be working arnt I?
I looked at him for a few seconds and suddenly said ." I think we'll go for a cake and coffee or a bit of lunch ,let's go .He nodded and said OK. That situation was gone and I treat a lot of his conversation
similar to that
I'm not saying it works for everyone but distraction stops arguing for sure .

Love not hugsxx

 

[dancer12]

Hi,
A typical situation was one of that he didn't understand why he was at "day club"he said I don't do anything and I'm supposed to be working arnt I?
I looked at him for a few seconds and suddenly said ." I think we'll go for a cake and coffee or a bit of lunch ,let's go .He nodded and said OK. That situation was gone and I treat a lot of his conversation
similar to that
I'm not saying it works for everyone but distraction stops arguing for sure .

Love not hugsxx

Hi Caz60:

You seem to have this down to an art. You sound more patient than I ever will.

 

[dancer12]

Hi. I never realised how I missed the socialising, I'm not even getting much me time. She tends to stay up later, I think the lighter nights have something to do with that. Roll on autumn, ha only kidding. We've tried all kinds of things to try to interest her in eating. The dr suggested the nutritional drinks, oh I'll try that, picked some off the supermarket shelf, took one look at the ingredients and put it back, proclaiming, I'm not having That!!!. As for going out, she doesn't want to know. On the third Tuesday of every month she goes with friends to the local townswomen's guild. It's the first thing I put on the calendar, I look forward to it. Its a night off. Tonight is that Tuesday, she didn't go. Oh well, there's always next month. I'm still waiting for that sitting service to start. I've no doubt she'll be upset over that too but this time I'm putting myself first. She thinks she wants a cup of tea, that's my cue to put the kettle on, might even have one myself as for the eyesight, from where I'm sitting in can see two of her, really, I can only cope with one. Kettle, go, now. Al

Hi:

I know the feeling. I just get upset when he stays up past 10pm. That's my time to get caught up on my soap operas. He stays up later and then I stay up later and have to get up earlier in the morning. And the circle goes on & on. That's life now I guess. I never could/would have predicted this. All happens for a reason. Just have to figure out what it is.

Have a nice day.

 

[AL60]

Hi, once again. Today has seen another milestone on the dementia 'journey'. On the face of it it isn't much of one. But to me it was significant. This morning she came to me to ask me once again how to open the shampoo bottle. It was already open as she'd broken the top in frustration. I showed her once again how to use it. Then it happened. I asked her if she wanted me to help to wash her hair, yes please , she replied.
I started this post late last night, I was about to submit when my tablet decided to go offline. So , it's the morning after now. The start of another day. I can think of lots of things to do, but I can also think of more reasons not to do them. My wife is up and about now so I'll finish here and go and prepare for the first task of the day. Meds. Wish me luck with that Al.

 

[Cat27]

I hope you have a good day Al.

 

[Caz60]

Hi Al ,
Have a good day and keep smiling .xx

 

[dancer12]

Hi, once again. Today has seen another milestone on the dementia 'journey'. On the face of it it isn't much of one. But to me it was significant. This morning she came to me to ask me once again how to open the shampoo bottle. It was already open as she'd broken the top in frustration. I showed her once again how to use it. Then it happened. I asked her if she wanted me to help to wash her hair, yes please , she replied.
I started this post late last night, I was about to submit when my tablet decided to go offline. So , it's the morning after now. The start of another day. I can think of lots of things to do, but I can also think of more reasons not to do them. My wife is up and about now so I'll finish here and go and prepare for the first task of the day. Meds. Wish me luck with that Al.

Hi:

Funny how we can find so many reasons to put things off and not to do them. It's the little things that mean the most at times. All the best.

 

[Izzy]

It's always hard when you realise you've taken another step. Wishing you both a good day.

 

[Brid John]

I have a partner with Dementia

I am pleased to find this site My wife has dementia and I have difficulty getting the Doctor to understand my wife's problems.
She eats very little solid food. I keep her going on Complan and milky drinks the latest drink I have found to please her are fruit smoothies with milk banana and soft fruit. This keeps her from losing weight so every time we go to see the Doctor he is satisfied she is OK.
She is dizzy and feels nausea's all the time and wants to lay down much of the day. I can not find any help in getting anything to combat this problem.
I have just skated over things but hope to find others going through similar problems

Brid John

 

[AL60]

I am pleased to find this site My wife has dementia and I have difficulty getting the Doctor to understand my wife's problems.
She eats very little solid food. I keep her going on Complan and milky drinks the latest drink I have found to please her are fruit smoothies with milk banana and soft fruit. This keeps her from losing weight so every time we go to see the Doctor he is satisfied she is OK.
She is dizzy and feels nausea's all the time and wants to lay down much of the day. I can not find any help in getting anything to combat this problem.
I have just skated over things but hope to find others going through similar problems

Brid John

Hi. Well you've certainly come to the right place. My wife also has dementia, we're fortunate to have a good dr. I'm also having problems finding something that my wife likes to eat. Her choices seem to be getting narrower and narrower all the time. If the dr suggests something she's all for giving it a go, until it's presented to her, then all I get is im not eating that! Her latest is cheese and potatoes, either baked or boiled. Occasionally it's pizza or other times bacon toast. Although just recently, just bacon. I'm trying to talk her into multivitamin tablets. As soon as she sees what's on the label, out they go. One thing is certain, she can't go on like this. She's lost far to much weight already. I'd best go, it's nearly morning. Al.

 

[AL60]

Hi. I feel as though im losing the will to post. In fact, losing the will to do most things. I've just started the third week of not being able to drive and find myselr going stir crazy. Yet still they assure me the double vision will sort itself out very soon. If only the same could be said for my wifes dementia. That seems to be going worse by the week. The battles we have over medication you wouldnt believe. Last night she had another of her rages that i dont help with her medication. I do help, the problem is that she thinks she knows what she's doing, last night i finally managed to convince her that the final tablet in the box was for Saturday evening. Hallelujah, she's got it. But she's still not taken it, it has been left on the table ready to take this morning as last night she had a bit of a headache, nothing like the one I had. So, ive no doubt that first thing today it will start over again with the question, what day is this tablet for. Then there's the mealtimes, another source of great frustration. Last night it was too hot, i simply suggested leaving it to cool for a few minutes, no chance, she attempted put it in the microwave on a minutes defrost, however, being unable to get the microwave to work she threatened to put her tea in the bin. I suggested she sit down and try again, of course her meal was perfect by now, not too hot, not too cold, just like goldilocks and the three bears. Trouble is that every mealtime is getting to be the same and its always my fault. Between medication and mealtimes are the quiet 'ish times but even they can have their moments. Oh well, another day looms, how to fill this one? I'll think of something to do, I'd take her for a for a walk, but its too cold, yes, you heard me right, too cold. Perhaps if she ate properly she wouldn't feel cold. It's no good trying to explain that though, I know that she wouldn't understand. So I'll just carry on taking the blame for her being cold all the time. Honestly, everything really is my fault. Now would be a good time to finish off this post, Sunday morning, seven am , put the kettle on and have a quiet cuppa before anyone else is up, that's the plan for the first hour of the day anyway Al.

 

[BR_ANA]

Feeling cold is a common symptom on dementia.

 

[dancer12]

Hi. I feel as though im losing the will to post. In fact, losing the will to do most things. I've just started the third week of not being able to drive and find myselr going stir crazy. Yet still they assure me the double vision will sort itself out very soon. If only the same could be said for my wifes dementia. That seems to be going worse by the week. The battles we have over medication you wouldnt believe. Last night she had another of her rages that i dont help with her medication. I do help, the problem is that she thinks she knows what she's doing, last night i finally managed to convince her that the final tablet in the box was for Saturday evening. Hallelujah, she's got it. But she's still not taken it, it has been left on the table ready to take this morning as last night she had a bit of a headache, nothing like the one I had. So, ive no doubt that first thing today it will start over again with the question, what day is this tablet for. Then there's the mealtimes, another source of great frustration. Last night it was too hot, i simply suggested leaving it to cool for a few minutes, no chance, she attempted put it in the microwave on a minutes defrost, however, being unable to get the microwave to work she threatened to put her tea in the bin. I suggested she sit down and try again, of course her meal was perfect by now, not too hot, not too cold, just like goldilocks and the three bears. Trouble is that every mealtime is getting to be the same and its always my fault. Between medication and mealtimes are the quiet 'ish times but even they can have their moments. Oh well, another day looms, how to fill this one? I'll think of something to do, I'd take her for a for a walk, but its too cold, yes, you heard me right, too cold. Perhaps if she ate properly she wouldn't feel cold. It's no good trying to explain that though, I know that she wouldn't understand. So I'll just carry on taking the blame for her being cold all the time. Honestly, everything really is my fault. Now would be a good time to finish off this post, Sunday morning, seven am , put the kettle on and have a quiet cuppa before anyone else is up, that's the plan for the first hour of the day anyway Al.

Hi:

You are not alone. At times I wish I could just take a bat and swing away freely at this illness until I have no tears and energy left in me. This taker of dreams and disrupter of lives. But it's not visible, not something that I can put my hands on and squeeze the life out of. I think I'll take up boxing and invest in a punching bag I wish it was so simple. I wish I had an answer for you, (how to get remotivated). The arguing and the constant bickering are the worst. It just never stops. I guess we all have to take one day at a time, keep posting and keep hoping for more good days than bad. In the meantime I'm going to invest in a speed bag to get out my frustrations. If a speed bag appears in outer space, IT'S MINE.

 

[AL60]

Hi again. You're right, its the frustration of arguing with the person you've known and loved for so many years, knowing you're not going to get them to understand, sometimes the most simple things. Sometimes I manage to smile, like earlier this evening she took a bottle of fruit juice from the fridge and complained she couldn't get the top off the bottle. I dutifully Removed the top and transferred the contents into a cup. I think that was the mistake, she took the cup, complained that it was cold and she couldn't possibly drink it and then poured it away. She Then went to put the kettle on saying that this time she'd make her own. No arguments from me, I'd had enough at that point. Next time I'll use a glass though It's been a long day today . Tomorrow could potentially be an even longer day. My sister in law has acquired an allotment. She's asked us both if well go with her tomorrow to help out. Now, with my wife's newfound reputation for being known as a destroyer of plants, there might not be many more Invites. that's it for now, it really does seem a long time since this morning. Al