I'm new to posting on the forum but have been reading posts regularly for sometime and its provided so much support when I didn't know where to turn. My mum is only 72 but has had vascular dementia for many years following cervical cancer when she was 59. I've been her main carer for a number of years giving up work to be with her as she's my best friend. Mum has a number of health issues including chronic infected leg ulcers on both legs, heart failure, diabetes and the dementia. She has spent the majority of this year in hospital but to infected leg ulcers. During her recent admission she developed C-diff infection and things went down hill. She is now clear of c-diff but remains in our little local cottage hospital. Since a week last Sunday she has taken a dramatic downturn. She has not eaten anything and has only been taking sips of drinks until today when she would not drink at all. She sleeps most of the time and is hard to wake. Over the past week her speech has got worse and today she can barely speak. She was a very large lady and five weeks ago was 22 stone. She's now 17 stone. How do you know when it is approaching the end? Do people recover from this? They wanted to give her a feeding tube but my mum had previously done an advanced decision so no artificial hydration or nourishment. Its her wish to be natural. I'm not sure what happens next? Can anyone share experiences? Its breaking my heart seeing my mum suffer for so long. She is a tough cookie and very strong lady but she's had enough and now needs to be at peace. How long can this last? I'm trying to prepare myself in the best way i can do. Advice greatly appreciated x
Mum not eating now not drinking
- Thread starter Jumbledthinking
- Start date
JT, can you talk with the medical staff directly about your concerns? It sounds to me like this might be crucial.
You may also gain some support and knowledge from this pamphlet, which can help you know what to expect.
I'm so sorry, what a difficult time.
You may also gain some support and knowledge from this pamphlet, which can help you know what to expect.
I'm so sorry, what a difficult time.
Thank you Celiathepoet. The pamphlet is great. I'd recommend anyone read in this situation. Difficult time made harder through not knowing! I will get the courage to speak to the medical staff when I go back in shortly and ask them.
Hi Jumbledthinking
sorry to read of your mum's present situation
at such a time no wonder you chose your TP name
it's good that you've been reading round TP and found how much support there is here
I wonder if you've come across the factsheets; this may be of help alongside CeliathePoet's pamphlet
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=2709
sending you much sympathy
best wishes to you and your mum
sorry to read of your mum's present situation
at such a time no wonder you chose your TP name
it's good that you've been reading round TP and found how much support there is here
I wonder if you've come across the factsheets; this may be of help alongside CeliathePoet's pamphlet
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=2709
sending you much sympathy
best wishes to you and your mum
Thank you for your reply and info sheets. Was really helpful. I've been spoken to by the hospital sister today and told my mums kidneys are failing and they don't think she has many days left now. She seems so peaceful and not in distress. The nurse said they would open the just in case pack of medicine if needed but for now she's peaceful. Will see what the night brings but thank you for your replies.
Dear Jumbled, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm afraid I don't have any words of advice unlike our friends above, so I'm just sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's kind words. Instinct and feelings are funny things! I just knew something was happening. I've sat with my mum since yesterday morning trying to feed her teaspoons of juice to wet her mouth. The consultant has spoken to me today and as things have deteriorated so quickly, they are putting a syringe driver in later for pain relief. She's currently in our locally little hospital but the consultant talked about making plans to move her home which could take 5 to 10 days....I really don't think she has that long but who am I to know. Making her comfortable is all I can do right now and treasure every moment I'm having with her. She stroked my cheek and used all her effort to tell me I was beautiful. I live my mum so much and just want her pain and suffering taken away from her and for her to be at peace. I will see what the night brings but I will be firmly be her side. Thank you for the support. The forum helps so much to know I'm not alone. Love and best wishes to all experiencing this journeys x
Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's kind words. Instinct and feelings are funny things! I just knew something was happening. I've sat with my mum since yesterday morning trying to feed her teaspoons of juice to wet her mouth. The consultant has spoken to me today and as things have deteriorated so quickly, they are putting a syringe driver in later for pain relief. She's currently in our locally little hospital but the consultant talked about making plans to move her home which could take 5 to 10 days....I really don't think she has that long but who am I to know. Making her comfortable is all I can do right now and treasure every moment I'm having with her. She stroked my cheek and used all her effort to tell me I was beautiful. I love my mum so much and just want her pain and suffering taken away from her and for her to be at peace. I will see what the night brings but I will be firmly be her side. Thank you for the support. The forum helps so much to know I'm not alone. Love and best wishes to all experiencing this journey x
Talk to her, touch her, thank her for all she has done for you, tell her that you love her...... and tell her that she can leave you. This is all you can do for Mum now. .... and if she is at peace and comfortable, you can rest easier too.
You have done so well, this bit is hard....and yet I found it easy too. My Mum was ready to go, she wanted to be with her Mamma.
Thinking of you and holding you in my thoughts and prayers.x.x.
You have done so well, this bit is hard....and yet I found it easy too. My Mum was ready to go, she wanted to be with her Mamma.
Thinking of you and holding you in my thoughts and prayers.x.x.
(((((hugs))))). Remember that the hearing is the last to go and even if she appears unresponsive she will still be able to hear you, so talk to her and play her favourite music.
Thinking of you.
Thinking of you.
The emotional rollercoaster continues. They have upped the drugs in the syringe driver as my mum has been screaming in pain and very restless. Its heart breaking agony for anyone in this situation watching suffering to someone you love so much. Mum is now fast asleep as I'm typing this and looks so peaceful. When will this rollercoaster end? Love to all x
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Tell her everything you want to say. I rubbed scented cream into my mums hab
Nds and feet and on her throat. She sort of smiled and gave a deep sigh of relaxation. I also sprayed her favourite perfume ( chanel no5) and brushed her hair. Do all the intimate things only a daughter can. Sending you strength and love Quilty
Nds and feet and on her throat. She sort of smiled and gave a deep sigh of relaxation. I also sprayed her favourite perfume ( chanel no5) and brushed her hair. Do all the intimate things only a daughter can. Sending you strength and love Quilty
The end of the journey
My mum passed away at 12.20 today. It has been a hell of a week. I begged, pleaded and prayed to whatever god there may be to relieve her suffering. You often read obituaries that say that so and so passed away peacefully in their sleep but it wasn't the case for my mum. She's a fighter and was to the very end. Dementia is a horrific illness and my thoughts and prayers are with everyone going through this. My mum is now at peace. X
My mum passed away at 12.20 today. It has been a hell of a week. I begged, pleaded and prayed to whatever god there may be to relieve her suffering. You often read obituaries that say that so and so passed away peacefully in their sleep but it wasn't the case for my mum. She's a fighter and was to the very end. Dementia is a horrific illness and my thoughts and prayers are with everyone going through this. My mum is now at peace. X
