In need of a virtual hug

[nae sporran]

Morning Gill, hope you got a good sleep. This dementia does put you through a bit of a rollercoaster. It was good that you got one good day visiting your dad, I am learning to appreciate those kind of days for the harder ones to come. Good luck with the slow, steady Care Home hunting and enjoy the birthday party.
OH's daughter had a wee emergency at the weekend which I had to help clean up, but it seems to be settling down now. All the best. Rob

 

[nitalk]

My random thoughts on my mother's losing battle against the cruelty of dementia

Your day is my day, however you frame it.
It weaves a cloth slowly from patterns once clear,
Memories long hidden lie worn at its core,
Casting their shadows on today’s broken jigsaw.
I am your son, your husband, your brother,
All of them struggling to give the faint light
of a meaning to this prison.
I know you have wandered into the mist
that holds you tight in your shattered, grey shackles
of illusion and revised reality.
Where your story makes liars of the cheats and the scoundrels,
Vying to keep you from the door to your freedom.
Your day is your night, it matters not which,
You take to the bed, where no-one tells lies.
No pills, no doctors, no stumbling journeys.
Your night is my night.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi nitalk
we do what it says on the title here - so lots of sympathy for you and your mother

Gill, I hope you had a good sleep and today's visit to care home and to dad go well
Rob, glad the crisis is settling - life is 'fun'
Jenny, don't like this cold!!!! (said in pathetic voice ) - enjoying the sun today though
Heidi, hoping things settle for you
Lou, Alison ..... uncle Tom Cobley and all .... sending sunny vibes
(who was Tom Cobley?)
PS found this
http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/content/articles/2008/05/22/widecombe_fair_song_feature.shtml

 

[exhausted 2015]

Morning Gill, hope you got a good sleep. This dementia does put you through a bit of a rollercoaster. It was good that you got one good day visiting your dad, I am learning to appreciate those kind of days for the harder ones to come. Good luck with the slow, steady Care Home hunting and enjoy the birthday party.
OH's daughter had a wee emergency at the weekend which I had to help clean up, but it seems to be settling down now. All the best. Rob

Pleased that wee emergency has now been resolved rob xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Pleased that wee emergency has now been resolved rob xxx

Just a quick update, I think that I have found a really nice CH for dad today, its on the edge of the Staffordshire moorlands located on a little village green, quiet and peaceful, and only ten minutes away ,the home has an homley feel to it, not clinical with lots of corridors like some that I have looked at,it is only small but this would suit dad because of his orientation, there was a calm pleasant atmosphere , the residents were relaxed and none looked neglected, the staff all seemed dedicated.... do you think I should trust my gut feeling ??? xxx

 

[Louby65]

Absolutely gill , I certainly would . I have a good feeling too about it , albeit virtually . Hope your dad has a lovely birthday today . Will post again later as I'm off out to work . Good luck . Lou xx

 

[cat64]

Just a quick update, I think that I have found a really nice CH for dad today, its on the edge of the Staffordshire moorlands located on a little village green, quiet and peaceful, and only ten minutes away ,the home has an homley feel to it, not clinical with lots of corridors like some that I have looked at,it is only small but this would suit dad because of his orientation, there was a calm pleasant atmosphere , the residents were relaxed and none looked neglected, the staff all seemed dedicated.... do you think I should trust my gut feeling ??? xxx

Definately go with the gut feeling..............we viewed 10 before finding mums! I viewed it similarly to when I was hunting for childcare for my kids. It has to feel right! Do they have a vacancy now? Did you read the QCC report on it? Hope your Dad has a lovely birthday. x

Sounds lovely and similar to mums......feels more like a small hotel![my only worry is the future as it's a dementia care home but doesn't have the big nursing element so they wouldn't ever do oxygen/dripfeeding etc]....just crossing fingers and toes she never needs it!!


My worry is that my mum is in her sixth week in her home and she had actually put a little weight on which was lovely and now they have a major D and V bug in the home and mum has been very sick. Dementia is such a rollercoaster.

 

[nae sporran]

Sounds good Gill. I would go for it. Best of luck, Rob.

Almost forgot your dad's birthday. Hope he has a good day.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Gill
just in briefly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your dad
and a lovely present, in a way, to have found somewhere for him that you feel is right - I agree with the others, you've done the head thing by looking around, now go with what feels good - and it certainly sounds lovely

 

[exhausted 2015]

Thanks to you all

Just wanted to thank our little group for your advice about the CH and have gone ahead with it but boy everything has happened so quickly, informed sw first thing this morning shortly after someone from the home went to asess dad and he moves in tomorrow !!! LA have agreed to the funding..... I just hope my instincts are right
Also I would like to say a big THANK YOU !!! to you all for bobbing on today to wish dad a happy birthday I really appreciate it ...so thank you all again
Dad has had a lovely dad today thanks to all the staff on his ward,the party was lovely and dad had so much fuss ,he even had a gift and cards from the staff and one of the domestic staff members even made him a batch of fairy cakes .....they truly have been brilliant
hope that everyone is OK ..sorry I haven't had time to reply to each post, I've literally just sat down,I've been doing dads washing,sewing the last few name labels in his clothes and packing his clothes ect ready for tommorow
Tomorrow is going to be another emotional day just hope that I can hold it together for dads sake xxx going to upload a photo of dad today at his and the queens party xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Absolutely gill , I certainly would . I have a good feeling too about it , albeit virtually . Hope your dad has a lovely birthday today . Will post again later as I'm off out to work . Good luck . Lou xx

Glad that you have a good feeling about it too Lou xx hope your day at work was a good one xxx

 

[Louby65]

Oh Gill , what a lovely smile . You just can't beat that . That smile is telling you that you have done right by him . You are truly a wonderful daughter . Good luck tomorrow , it will be emotional but it's the right thing to do , to ensure your lovely dad stays safe and as well as he can . Let us know how you both get on . Best wishes to you both as always . Lou xx

 

[hvml]

Hello all. Please excuse me for my sporadic appearances. I'll do better.

Gill - what a wonderful birthday pic of your Dad. He looks like the cat that got the cream! Such a lovely smile. (It reminds me of my Dad's 90th when the band played - he was a trombone player for knocking on 40 years - he was rapt.) It's so great that everyone helped to make it so special for your Dad. A real day to remember - hip hip hooray ( Prince Charles said - hip hip hip hooray on telly yesterday - I always thought it was hip hip, or is there an extra hip for royalty?

I have read through the posts and found that your Dad is moving to a Care home. I know that you won't be happy with that, but it sounds like you have found a lovely place. Well done. Now a new phase will start for you and Dad and you will be able to relax into a different situation whilst all his needs are taken care of. I hope the move goes smoothly. You have done him proud!

Hi Rob. Sorry to hear that you have been having a few ups and downs. It never rains but it pours!
I see you have had the odd trip out though, which is good - well done for taking the initiative and getting out there. It's good for you both.

Hi jk. Any joy with the befriender? I think the idea of introducing her as a friend is a very good one. Softly softly! It would be a great thing for you both. My Dad had our neighbour who came once a week and I got out for a walk Those walks were epic in their significance.

Shedrech - hi to you and thanks for bringing the last part of the desiderata to the table. It's given me a new take on the morning and the general scheme of things.

Hi Lou. Yes, I am definitely looking into caring jobs, but am going to need a bit of help where I can get it. It's got more tricky as my benefits have stopped due to my change in circumstances ie oh's job, (which is going well ) so that may limit the services I can use. Have got a session to help with my CV on Monday, so that is a start - if they let me have it. I'll let you know how it goes.

Time to make oh his sarnies, so I will say hi and goodbye to all. Will pop in again soon.

Lots of love, Heidi xx

 

[nae sporran]

Morning Heidi. Good to see you dropping in. Good luck with the job hunting. It's a bit of a nuisance if DWP won't help as much. Our new Care agency put all their staff through NVQs inside a year so if you can get a job like that you will be ok. All the best. Rob

Morning Gill. Your dad looks happy with his birthday, OH loves a good smile and he certainly has one. Let us know how the move went whenever the merry-go-round stops in few days. All the best to you both

 

[Shedrech]

Morning one and all
FABULOUS photo Gill - he deserves to be spoilt rotten
and WOW that's fast - I hope the move goes well and that you both settle into a more stable routine

Heidi, it's weird, I found the Desiderata in the 70s, along with many others, and it's amazing how verses from it resonate at particular moments - so glad it served you well - why is nothing ever uncomplicated?? I hope your job situation works itself out - good news that OH's work is going well

Your poor mum Alison - it's such a worry - I know the staff in dad's home are extra vigilant when the bug strikes so I'm sure yours will be looking out for your mum - and I know what you mean about the 'nursing' element - I asked before I moved dad whether he would be able to stay in the home for end of life care, they've said they'll do all in their power and I know they have for some residents; so I've put that to the back of my mind for now - and a while ago you mentioned red sweaters for your mum as she 'likes' the one she has, I'd say kit her out in red if it'll help at all (oh dear now have Lady In Red in my head) - and well done for getting her to shower; bit of a shock seeing warts and all isn't it but we survive
apparently I'd seen my dad in the altogether as a tot, he bathed me in the tub with him - we were out somewhere cultural and I was captivated by a nude statue, excitedly I pointed to a particular part and shouted 'Daddy's got one of those' or something equally toddlerish - mum loved telling me that story - nothing's private to a 2 year old!

had a lovely visit with dad yesterday, he was a bit dozy (turned out he'd had a disturbed night, but they know how to deal with him) and was sitting alone in the sunny quiet lounge, somewhere he'd rarely been before as he took against it at one point, so I was pleased that he was out of his room and quite content - he was enjoying the sun so I suggested sitting in the garden; he agreed!! - and it was a lovely hour, so warm, and so good to feel the sun on your skin - when we went in we had a cake to celebrate the Queen's birthday and watched one of the programmes which dad enjoyed (wonderful to have family videos right from her own childhood) - and I tucked him up in bed as he was tired; he said goodnight, God bless and I felt blessed

that's all for now folks

 

[jknight]

Hi all!

Had a meeting with someone from the Dementia Advisory Service who said Mum qualifies for Attendance Allowance. She also advised paying for a befriender (for continuity) and meals on wheels (with an Age UK) volunteer coming in, daily (the AA would go a long way to pay for this) I have found a good agency (confirmed as good by the advisor)
Mum is going to be so anti but I am banking on the agency having dealt with this attitude many times before and knowing how to approach things!

Gill, belated birthday greetings to your Dad. Thinking of you both and hoping the move is smooth and stress free!

Rob, hope you, your OH and your OH daughter are OK

Jackie, Desiderata was huge when I was a teenager!! Brings back happy memories! Glad you had a good day with Dad

Alison, hope your mum is feeling better

Lou, you keep your eye on the rest of us but don't say much about yourself! Hope all is OK and sending you huge hugs just for being you!!

Heidi, lovely to hear from you! Good luck with the job hunt!!

Apologies if I have missed anyone!! Still not 100% but much better than I was

As ever, you wonderful people are in my thoughts and I am so thankful to have found you all!!!

Jenny x

 

[nae sporran]

Evening Jenny.

Glad you got somewhere with the Dementia Advice Service and you will get AA. I notice with agencies that some employees are better at prompting and persuading reluctant clients than others. Hopefully your advice is right and this will be a good agency. Good lck with it. Rob

We are all right, thanks.

 

[nae sporran]

Evening Shedrech. Nice to read about your sunny garden visit with your dad.

 

[exhausted 2015]

Its hit me so hard this evening

Sorry for being selfish again, I have read everyone's post but I just can't comment tonight, I am in need of another virtual hug please xx I cannot talk to anyone about how I am feeling not even oh tonight ,except for my tp friends
Got dad settled in today and nipped back across to see him again early evening we took our little dog ,chaos, with us because dad hasn't seen him since December, he sat on his knee and had a lot of fusses and everything felt fine, I came back home and that is when it hit me so hard,the tears have been non stop, I hate myself,if only I could do 24 hour care dad would not be there,I hope that as the days go by I will feel better....so sorry for such a miserable post xxx
Once I get my head back on I will try to support you all back , take care xxx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Morning one and all
FABULOUS photo Gill - he deserves to be spoilt rotten
and WOW that's fast - I hope the move goes well and that you both settle into a more stable routine

Heidi, it's weird, I found the Desiderata in the 70s, along with many others, and it's amazing how verses from it resonate at particular moments - so glad it served you well - why is nothing ever uncomplicated?? I hope your job situation works itself out - good news that OH's work is going well

Your poor mum Alison - it's such a worry - I know the staff in dad's home are extra vigilant when the bug strikes so I'm sure yours will be looking out for your mum - and I know what you mean about the 'nursing' element - I asked before I moved dad whether he would be able to stay in the home for end of life care, they've said they'll do all in their power and I know they have for some residents; so I've put that to the back of my mind for now - and a while ago you mentioned red sweaters for your mum as she 'likes' the one she has, I'd say kit her out in red if it'll help at all (oh dear now have Lady In Red in my head) - and well done for getting her to shower; bit of a shock seeing warts and all isn't it but we survive
apparently I'd seen my dad in the altogether as a tot, he bathed me in the tub with him - we were out somewhere cultural and I was captivated by a nude statue, excitedly I pointed to a particular part and shouted 'Daddy's got one of those' or something equally toddlerish - mum loved telling me that story - nothing's private to a 2 year old!

had a lovely visit with dad yesterday, he was a bit dozy (turned out he'd had a disturbed night, but they know how to deal with him) and was sitting alone in the sunny quiet lounge, somewhere he'd rarely been before as he took against it at one point, so I was pleased that he was out of his room and quite content - he was enjoying the sun so I suggested sitting in the garden; he agreed!! - and it was a lovely hour, so warm, and so good to feel the sun on your skin - when we went in we had a cake to celebrate the Queen's birthday and watched one of the programmes which dad enjoyed (wonderful to have family videos right from her own childhood) - and I tucked him up in bed as he was tired; he said goodnight, God bless and I felt blessed

that's all for now folks

Just been Reading through the posts again and Jackie you have managed to make me smile ...so thank you xxxx