Sit your OH down at the computer with the So Bizare thread open. Leave him reading it and then ask him if he is coming to look at care homes with you.
Good idea!
Sit your OH down at the computer with the So Bizare thread open. Leave him reading it and then ask him if he is coming to look at care homes with you.
I echo this ^^^^^ .....with bells on
No your not a bad daughter!
Your self preserving you self, and I don't blame you, my mother moved in with me 3 weeks ago and it's full on, bloody hard work, and unlike your mum, we don't have any money or a house to sell, so my mum moved out of the sheltered ACCOM she was in and moved in with us, after going wandering and missing 12 times in 5 months, 2 days before New Year's Eve, I had to go and retrieve her at 4.30 in the morning, and found her wandering the streets in her nighty and dressing gown, that was it, enough was enough, so now she's here, and I haven't stopped in 3 weeks, I've hardly seen my hubby or kids, it's just all been about mum, and then last night she had a bad turn and started being really nasty to me, which made me think, what the hell am I doing all this for, my mum and me aren't exactly what you call close, and we never have been, but we aren't self funding and can't afford care home fees, so it's cheaper her being here, how long I can do this for, time will tell.
But your not a bad daughter, so you do what you have to hon
I hope it all works out for you
Xx
This thread has been very comforting! I am an only child with a mother in the early/mid stage of dementia. I have been thinking a lot about future care. I don't think I can care for mum in my home. I feel bad but I would rather keep her, in her own home, for as long as possible and then move her to a good care home. I know it will be right for mum and for me but I still feel like a rubbish daughter......
Thanks again to people who have replied to this thread. My mother is self funding as she has about 50 thousand in the bank and no property. I actually went and saw a lovely residential care home today and I asked for a member of staff to come and assess my mother on Friday with a view to having her visit for a "short holiday" and see how she gets on. I'd feel so much better if she were there - only problem is - I haven't yet raised the issue with her at all and have to brace myself in time for Friday. But I've posted about that on another thread
As inheritance for grandchildren, a lovely thought in your Mums part but seriously it is your mum who needs care now. It is her money.Grandchildren' inheritance should be the least of your thoughts now.
This is a good point from Meanie They eat well have meds on time are warm and have company and look well cared for and go out and have a good time on trips from the home, they usually cannot remember where they have been but have a good time whilst there.
I think my mum would/will be much better looked after in a home than staying at home with me, partly because she'll be in the company of other old people and able to wander around at will, whereas I work from home and on the computer (online meetings etc) and would be leaving her in another room for hours while I get on with stuff -then when I have finished work, I'd just be tired and wanting to chill out rather than feed, bathe and entertain her
I can see that if she is in a residential home I could visit her as I do now but it would be less of a hassle as shopping, clothes washing and bathing would all be done at the home and no longer by me