Somebody else's glasses

[hendy]

Tina T
I am sorry that you are experiencing difficulties of this kind when caring for your husband. Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse for our loved ones - the despair and guilt when finding them in these circumstances is just unbearable at times. I think we should try and turn our despair, when we're ready, into anger or action - perhaps this is yet another facet to our caring role but, I find I just can't keep up the pace at times.
best regards
hendy

 

[TinaT]

The nurse who said this has had about 35 years experience as a mental health nurse. He is a very authoritarian, stern man with a no nonsense, what do you expect us to do about it attitude and he frightens the life out of me. I was fighting a battle to get Ken taken off a Section 3 and was terrified that anything I did or said would be used against me. Many of the staff are very good friends with each other and socialise after work. I also felt terribly guilty about Ken being there in the first place. In fact I still do. These are factors which affect all of us in such situations. We feel alone, small and very vulnerable. In fact I still do!

xxTinaT

 

[hendy]

hi tina
How distressing - it sounds as if this character really does need to retire and quick. It just shows how we have to choose our battles carefully.I can see how you dont want to cause trouble for Ken and getting him off the section. How terrible to feel so threatened by staff god knows what the patients must be feeling... I wished I could advise but i am sure you will know how to deal with this one thats the best for Ken
kind regards
hendy

 

[hendy]

hi all
The trip to the opticians went ok, it wasn't exactly a breeze however. Dad was more settled on the ward, so they let me take him on my own. I dont think he's going to be able to get to the opticians again though. His parkinson's type symptoms are getting worse leaving him very stiff and lacking in mobility. It was a major operation to get him in and out of the car single handed. Anyway, mission accomplished!! Dad has on order a spare pair of quite fashionable looking specs(not vari focals)I can also order an extra pair if needed in the future. Dad had is own specs on again last night so things are indeed looking up.I think Dad enjoyed his trip out, he had missed tea so we stopped at a chinese on the way and picked him up a special fried rice and chips !! When back on the ward staff settled him at a table and he ate the lot in 10 mins flat!! At least his appetite is good.

I've just done a quick count up Dad has had 5 pairs of glasses go missing so far. I have a feeling that the total will continue to rise!!
best regards
hendy

 

[lizbet]

Glasses

Hi,
Have that trouble all the time whenever visit George, always have to have search for glasses. Someone else picked them up, or he has hidden them somewhere.
Have at present got red sticky labels on them, have tried everything.
George seems to have compulsion regarding his cloths, shows them all to me when I go, and has all drawers out.
Am usually exhausted whe leaving, as seem to be busy with one thing and another all the visit. Including trying to find lost glasses, have come to conclusion no answer to it.
Lizbet

 

[hendy]

Hi lizbet
You're right and there's no end to it etiher! Its clear from everybody's posts that there is often a disregard for patients property. But its not just about property though its about keeping their dignity. Dementia in all its forms strips people of their dignity - we can't do anything about it. The very least we can do is look after them as they would have looked after themselves, if they could. I had to point this out to the senior member of staff the other day, my dad would not normally trudge about in his pyjamas all day. On a later early evening visit the staff were quick to explain that Dad was in his pyjamas because he'd just had a bath!! Which of course was fine and reasonable and I'm glad they took notice of my earlier moan. At least they listened and i'm grateful for that.
I must say that the red tape idea sounds good. I've already got into the habit of staring hard at other patients with glasses on when there's an alert for Dads missing specs!! Red tape might just help!!
best regards
hendy

 

[gigi]

but it is so demanding of our emotional energy, at a time when there's very little left in us !

Hendy/Tina,

Forgive me for mixing your threads..

I do understand how difficult it can be to complain when the situation is as above..and you feel that your loved one may be compromised by this..

Think I sounded a bit superior in my reply..not intentional..I have worked with people who like to "wield power" over those less fortunate than themselves...it makes me angry that they are allowed to get away with lesser care and attitudes..

It is an unfortunate fact that unless people do complain they will continue to do so..sometimes nursing staff can become institutionalised..

There are support groups like PALS(Patient Advice Liaison Service) who will offer sound advice and support for anyone wishing to discuss a problem..it is confidential

Hendy..hope the red tape on the specs works..a good idea...

Love Gigi x

ps...Have to add that there are also some really dedicated people ..trained nurses and carers..working out there who really do care...it's not all bad!!!

 

[hendy]

hi gigi
Thanks for posting and giving the info. Sorry if i'm moaning!! I must say that during the last five years I have seen all sorts on wards and NH!! Thankfully a lot of staff are caring and compassionate. I remember when Dad was first admitted and then diagnosed(aged 68) with vas dem and other problems!! I had so much support from the nursing staff and I will be forever grateful for this it really did mean so much. I remember it was such a difficult time. My youngest son was only 6 months old, he had himself recovered from menningitis when he was 6 weeks old, my sisters (2 of them, both of them health professionals ironicallly) had turned their back on Dad... Then followed a period of very deep distress and anguish and The staff knew I( and my husband Ken) had nobody else in the family to support Dad. Unfortunately it has to be said, there are staff that either uncaring or indifferent, they may be few in number we hope, but experiencing this attitude can be very distressing for carers. I am relieved that at present my dad appears to be receiving a good level of care now, but you stil have to be vigilant.
kind regards
hendy

 

[hendy]

Visited Dad today and thankfully he had his glasses still on, which is a relief. He really does need them as his mobility has declined.He needs all the help he can get. He couldn't get through an open doorway today. Staff have reassured me that he is receivng daily physio. I took James with me today and it was his first visit since Dad's latest admission. He's becoming accustomed to seeing other sufferers of dementia. He always says hello and smiles to them. Unfortunately James saw an assault of one patient on another(two ladies) one pinched the other. A member of staff was nearby but didn't see it. James explained what he saw. As we were leaving he said 'Will Grandpa be alright with that lady around?' I said trying to reassure 'Yes of course he will' etc. But tonight at 10.00pm( he'd been in bed 2 hours) he told me he was worried about Grandpa I tried my best again to reassure - but he's at much risk as the other patients and I just hope they can keep a close eye, but of course they didn't earlier on...
I had to ring at 9.0 pm to remind staff to offer dad one of his 'cold beers' as they hadn't done this on earlier nights
hendy

 

[Margaret W]

My mother is always missing things, glasses, teeth, purse, comb, mirror, it is usually another resident spotting them and deciding she likes the look of them. Look at other residents' chairs and see what they have got!

fortunately mum isn't "blind" without her specs, but if it were my husband I'd be shouting loud.

Hope you find them. Mum's specs usually turn up a few days later when whoever has stolen them realises they can't see through them.

Love to all

Margaret

 

[TinaT]

Gigi,

I went to PALS (Patient Advice)which is situated at the entrnce to the main hospital and was told that they only work for patients who are on the general side of the hospital. This is quite separate from the Mental Health Trust side of the hospital. So far I haven't found any organisation to support or advise in these matters for Mental Health patients.

xxTinaT

 

[hendy]

Hi TinaT and Gigi

Tina were you trying to follow up your concerns about that senior nurse? If so we definately need to know 'where to go' in the event of - whatever. I think I have an idea but I wanted to know what you thought.
kind regards
hendy

Dear Margaret
Thanks for your post. I'm getting really good at looking over other patients for Dad's stuff - its definately an acquired art.
Yesterday I was doing some of Dads washing. I came across a pair of dirty slippers which i put in the washer, of course thinking they were dads. After the wash I discovered that strangely although they had his name tippexed on they weren't actually his(wrong size)!!Perhaps I should start a new thread Washing Somebody Else's Slippers??
kind regards
hendy

 

[hendy]

Hello to any one reading
Visited Dad tonight,incredibly he still had his own glasses on. This is such a relief, it shows someone listened. Handed in somebody else's slippers freshly cleaned!
Dad was really agitated today, walking up and down and getting in and out of chairs. I had problems keeping up with him at times. Eventually stopped to have a coffee(I also smuggled him some chocolate biscuits on the QT). Asked how he had felt today
'depressed' came the answer. I just held his hand...He is so confused and incoherent and then moments of lucidity. This disease is so cruel(Vas Dem). We went into the conservatory he became agitated and walked in a circle. 'Dad do you want a love?' We had a cuddle I just wanted to take it all away. 'dont let me go Sarah'
Have to sign off now
hendy

 

[hendy]

Have tried not to worry about Dad all day, but not succeeded. Spoke to nurse on phone to explain what Dad said last night. Its really significant because staff thought he did not have insight to his condition. Of course he has and this is now of deep concern to me. I can't imagine what dad must be going through. He is seeing a neurologist today as staff think he is suffering possibly from another condition. If this is correct he is suffering from dementia and now possibly parkinsons. How bad does it have to get for my poor dad? He is so brave I just can't bear to see him suffering anymore.
hendy

 

[sue38]

Hendy, I am really sorry about your Dad.

My Dad on the surface has no insight into his condition, but at other times, I think he must know and that is why he becomes so depressed.

I hope you hear better news soon about your Dad.

 

[hendy]

Hi Sue
Many thanks for your support. Its heartbreaking to think our Dads have awareness of their condition and all its indignities and cruelties. Patients with Mental illness are very stigmatised.
Sue I think i'm going start a new thread becuase Dad was a highly skilled professional who himself helped thousands of people during his career. His life story is remarkable. However even his closest family and friends have turned their back on him to face this horror with just me for support. Such is the stigma of the illness, people just can't cope with it.
kind regards
Hendy

 

[sands]

Hello Hendy

Sorry about your poor dad, My husband is suffering from Alzheimers also.
We were on holiday from Australia staying at my sisters in Rotherham. I guess too many changes happened to him being away from home and he had a bad anger attack and was sectioned in Rotherham hospital.

I extended my holiday for 7 weeks but had to go back home on 22nd Feb. I am worried sick about him now I can,t see him.
I am hoping there is some way of bringing him back to Australia as its going to cost over 27,000 pounds, I am hoping NHS might help.

Sandra.

 

[hendy]

Hi Sandra
Goodness me Sandra what a terrible situation! You must be missing and worrying about him so much. I hope that your family in Rotherham are able to support you as much as they can. Have the NHS explained what they are able to do for you?
I hope you get some resolution to this quickly. Keep us posted
kind regards
hendy

 

[gigi]

Pals

I went to PALS (Patient Advice)which is situated at the entrnce to the main hospital and was told that they only work for patients who are on the general side of the hospital. This is quite separate from the Mental Health Trust side of the hospital. So far I haven't found any organisation to support or advise in these matters for Mental Health patients

Sorry for the delay getting back to you , Tina..and for interrupting you thread, Hendy..

It's true that PALS are sometimes seperated between mental health and general patients..am appalled that they did not point you towards a support group for Mental Health..there has to be one!
Are there any leaflets on the ward? It would be worth contacting your PCT to ask them..I know it all takes time..

In Leics we do have a local support group called LAMP...but for patients with AD they also recommend contacting the local branch of the AS with patient related queries..so maybe they could help?
Love Gigi x

 

[gigi]

Dear Sandra,

What an awful situation to be in..you must be worried out of your mind..

I hope you find all the help and support you need..

As Hendy has said..do keep us posted..

Love Gigi x