Hi Carolyn, Hendy and everyone else,
I think it is important to remember that we are all different people, with different relationships with our sick family members, both before and after suffering this sad illness, and with different demands on our time. I know there are some people on this site who APPEAR to cope exceptionally well, APPEAR to know the ropes and APPEAR to have it all under control, both practically and emotionally. Perhaps one or two really do, but there isn't anyone who hasn't felt inadequate, and let's face it, it's not surprising. Here we are coping with something new, upsetting, with no sense of reason to it, certainly no cure, and no idea of how quickly the illness will progress or what worse problems will evolve.
I'm lucky compared to many. Mum still knows me, is still quite mobile, is continent, is only 15 minutes from me (and on my way to work), but I've also been through lots of the things you mention, the lost belongings (given up on the teeth, mum's forgotten she ever had any), being cold at night despite asking for a blanket, no drinking water in her room, severe skin infection (5 times), reported abuse by a care worker, no light in her toilet, no toilet seat, and for the last week no bedroom curtains (the rail fell down, no-one to repair it). And don't ask me about the hassle with the DWP!
I have a full time job, but my children are grown up, even so I am taking a year out of work to cope with everything. I have had to learn to accept that I am not superwoman and can only try my best. The same goes for everyone. We wouldn't be posting on this site if we weren't trying to do our best. And sometimes we are able to help someone in a neighbouring boat - not the same boat, ours might be a different size, shape or further along its journey.
Incidentally, my daughter is an accomplished flautist (amateur so far)- and lives in West Yorkshire!
Love to all
Margaret