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Somebody else's glasses

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by hendy, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    I have just left hospital after visiting Dad. It would have been a better visit if he'd been wearing his own glasses. I have just explained to yet another 'health professional' that without his glasses my dad just can't see a thing. Without his glasses he is visually disabled. He has suffered from vascular dementia for 5 years. He has progressed through many stages of decline. With more to come... Ensuring quality of life for Dad is an overiding factor in any decision regarding his care. The 'glasses' issue has been on-going for the last two years, when at the NH his glasses still went missing never to see the light of day again- to my knowledge anyway. I have engraved, written on, and stuck on names, put it in care plans.etc flipping etc. Why cant 'they' just get it right - for goodness sake!! Why can't 'they' give it a priority? Its such a small thing, but would improve quality of life for someone who suffers visual hallucinations and impaired judgement and spatial awarenenss. I know for a fact its happening to other patients, because my dad has often been given their glasses to wear instead! Can anybody offer advice or anything that I can do to help my dad out?
    regards
    hendy
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Hendy,
    Sorry cant offer advice.....but do understand your frustration.....mums glasses frequently went missing too.
    Helen
     
  3. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Hendy,

    You may have tried this and it's failed..but was wondering about a "string" round the neck that holds the specs..I know they are available from opticians..

    Maybe some way of personalising that string would help..colour coded or something..

    An idea?...Surely there's an answer....others may have better ideas....

    Love Gigi x
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Does your father fiddle with them? The problem sometimes is that the person takes them off or wraps them in something and away they've gone. If he absolutely has to wear them to see anything what about one of those headbands that are sold for the disabled. If you can persuade him not to try to take them off that might hold them in position.
     
  5. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Thanks all for your advice so far. We have a trip planned to the opticians on Thursday so we will be considering all the options. I suppose we will have to try them all and see which Dad seems happiest with. I'm hoping the trip itself will go without event, but staff from the hopital will becoming with us as dad's behaviour can be very volatile at the moment. One thing's for sure we wont be having the £400 varifocal lenses this time!!
    regards
    hendy
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Huh - I've got those (at least I think that's what they're called - close, middle and far anyway) and I still only use them for far (they're on the top of my head at the moment.)
     
  7. arun

    arun Registered User

    Nov 10, 2007
    25
    London, UK
    Possibly an impractical suggestion.
    However if your Dad wore shirts with button down collars.
    You could attach his glasses to one of the button holes with a eyeglass retaining strap.
    Both ends of the strap attached to one side of his glasses with the strap going through one of the button holes.
    If he removed the glasses they would hang off his collar.
    Might not look great.
    But better chances of retaining the glasses for him.

    This was a huge problem for my Mum. We had 2 pair for her.
    But she was homebound. If she misplaced one. We would give her another.
    Find the other pair and hold it till she lost her glasses again.

    Hope all goes well at the visit to the opticians.
     
  8. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Yup, same for me, never got on with them, the most expensive set of driving glasses I've got and even then I struggle with them!

    Dad's glasses went missing in the hospital, he came out with a pair but they're definitely not his though he swears blind (ahem, scuse the pun) they are and and makes me really laugh when he's trying to peer though them. Two poor old souls missing specs then. So yet another trip to the opticians, arguments about the cost, excuses as to why he can't go etc etc etc

    AJay xxx
     
  9. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    I'm also having the glasses problem with my Dad. He "lost" his after a couple of weeks in his care home - along with many other belongings, notably his shoes. I got there one day to find him wearing someone elses shoes - bright tan, whereas he has worn black for as long as I can remember - goodness knows how he didn't trip over them as they were way too big. His still haven't reappeared.

    I managed to get a copy of his glasses prescription from his last optician and ordered some more glasses on the internet - the cheapest bifocals I could get were £58. However when I saw him last weekend he wasn't wearing them, and when I gave them to him said he didn't think they were his even though I had stuck his name on, and didn't seem bothered either way. I did think about a string round his neck but he wouldn't be able to cope with that. I do worry in case he stumbles without them.
     
  10. It happened to me too

    My partner lost two pairs of glasses in his first residential home and that wasnt all that went missing. The end result was a move to somewhere else which did at least care for his property.
    However in hospital it really is time that staff there developed the empathy necessary for when dealing with people with dementia. Keeping safe basic property is so important especially when any loss leads to yet more anxiety for people who cannot express properly how they feel and what they have lost.
    To rabbit on further. I also still hear about staff in hospitals who just assume that people with dementia have the same communication skills are everyone else, though, as in dealing with 'foreigners' it is easier if you shout at them!!!!! LOL
    A friend of mine's father who has dementia and was in hospital was confronted by a member of staff who insisted on trying to do a questionnaire with this poor man. Even when told he had dementia she still soldiered on with the document (well that's the Dunkirk spirit for ya!!!!).
    My partner gave up on his glasses as the dementia became more profound but he could still see to steal the chocolate from other residents, much to the annoyance of their relatives.
    Oh well that's what being gay does to you.
    Best wishes everyone
    Roger
    LGBT Carers Group
     
  11. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi all
    Many thanks for your replies. I will definately try the suggestions. Although umbelievably frustrating and exasperating etc etc - the situation does have its humorous side.. I dont think my dad would have that much difficulty tracking down somebody else's chocolate either!! Given the chance. Your replies may prompt me to start another thread titled'somebody else's shoes' as exaclty the same thing has happened to dad as well!! Yet another thing to get on to somebody about. Will it never end??
    kind regards
    hendy
     
  12. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    A friend's mother's teeth go missing. I suppose that's worse.
     
  13. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Heh. Dad's teeth went missing until we realised that the dog had eaten them! We found the mangled remnants under the bed.

    AJay xxx
     
  14. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Hi Ajay
    Good one. Sorry it made me laugh. If your dog want any more to chew on, I have two pairs of dentures that Peter refuses to wear.
    Christine
     
  15. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Dad is in for assessment at the hospital at the moment and his glasses went missing very quickly, apparently they have a big problem with the other patients hiding them too!

    My dad's sight is awful without them too
     
  16. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Update on dad

    I've just posted on a similar thread entitled 'Update on dad'. I am filled with despair at this low level of care which is given in hospitals up and down the country. The misery and heartache which this causes to patients, wives and relatives is unbelievable.

    I was told by a senior staff nurse when I complained that yet another pair of glasses had gone missing, 'I don't know why you bring them anyway'! How unreasonable of me to try to help my husband who is already very confused to see a little better!

    All we want to do is the best for our loved ones suffering from this dreadful disease. I am tired down to the depths of my soul from the battle to have reasonable care for my husband.
    xxTinaT
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #17 Margarita, Feb 29, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2008

    What do they look like ?
    (I am short sighted) . as I am wondering if I could get one . As I keep losing my glasses , have been told that I really need to keep wearing them , but I have lost 4 so far :eek:. I have sat on one pair broke the glass . dog chewed another pair. I left one in shop they where black glass :cool:perception designer name one , so when I went back to shop they where gone ! and last pair are some where in house can't find them .

    I put them on my head still I lose them . sorry am not offering any support
     
  18. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi margarita
    I wished could think of answer for you - I still lose my reading glasses when pushed up on my forehead - there's really no hope for us at all!!
    I can say with some relief(and about time too) that Dad has been wearing his very own specs for three days on the trot. A major achievement. i did have to have a serious 'go' at a senior member of staff, which just goes to show if you dont make a fuss they don't seem to care or can get away with not caring. Its utterly exasperating and depressing. To follow an earlier reply if a nurse told me it wasn't important, does he really need them? - well I think I would have to question her nursing ability and possibly make it formal...( but that's me just getting cross again!)

    I wonder when my dad will end up with some one else's glasses on again? I think I'll give it about a week.
    best regards
    hendy
     
  19. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hendy..

    As a recently retired nurse...I think you should formally complain about that comment..

    Nurses are trained to offer holistic care..am I right in thinking that eyesight is as important to that as anything else?

    Love Gigi x
     
  20. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    hi gigi
    thanks for your reply it is unbelievable that this attitude was even voiced let alone thought. The original comment was made by Tina T. I think it shows that carers can make a difference and wield power if need be, but it is so demanding of our emotional energy, at a time when there's very little left in us !
    best regards
    hendy
     

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