Thanks for everything so far.
Heres the plan so far, following what you have all so kindly taken the trouble to reply with.
I have told him I am moving him into another room .( I'm not moving as we have just bought a great new Relyon bed and I'm not giving that up ) I've told him and he said said that's fine. He said he might go out soon anyway?.
So one decision made many more to go.
I must add I don't think he will be physically abusive but all the bedroom doors lock anyway . B & B .
I really don't think he thinks I will have men in , he cant really believe that I am looking , as we have always done everything together and I still try and encourage him to come out ( not in my me time with my girlfriends ) with me as it may help him in some small way.
The marriage was fine before this AZ got a grip but now he has so little comprehension of what is going on I doubt Relate will help and it is all my fault anyway.
I do need to see a solicitor I know , and maybe Social Services but not sure about that one. CMHT are not much use.
His doctor phoned me for a chat last week so she is aware of what happening. But what can they do. He truly thinks he can manage alone and doesn't need or want me or anyone else. Care is no option at all at the moment .
I know I am at rock bottom but somehow this small step has made me feel better. A small weight lifted.
It is all so sad really as I do still love the man he was and feel desperately sorry for him.
I try to be positive. I take all of the criticism, shouting , abuse and vicious verbal attack about our son being a thief and stealing something everyday he knows exactly what things have been stolen and where from . That I talk about him behind his back , that I am trying along with our son to push him out and get rid of him .( I may add here that our son doesn't live with us and he rarely calls because of his dad, I do go to his as that is lovely for me to see him and just try to get back to some sort of normal for a while) That I am trying to control his life, he knows what I am doing. He has been threatening to leave me and go his own way for years and now he is leaving me and will find another woman who will be everything I am not ( where he will find such a wonderful person I'm not sure ,but strangely I am not bothered ). I went out last night with a girl friend for a drink which we have done maybe once a month for years, today he asked me who I had "pulled " , tempting as that might seem , it has never crossed my mind . Although I think I am reasonably attractive, oddly I have never been asked ,(maybe two older women in a very nice country hotel , sitting on a two seater settee in an out of the way corner deep in conversation doesn't give off the right vibes ! ) .
My son and daughter both think I am loosing the plot as I am constantly stressed, trying to do what is right. Worryingly they may be right .
So here's the question. No sympathy please just how you would deal with it.
Is today the day I give up. Move into another bedroom Do my own thing and let him muddle on . The farm we live on is up for sale ( because he can no longer cope since our son moved out ) so when it is sold I can go and get my own place and a life . He wants to move to another county so he can get back to all his old friends, who he never sees. He is 70 this year but very physically fit if this is relevant I'm not sure..
One thing is for sure it cant carry on like this .
No he wont have help, he wont talk to anyone , he wont join any group ( not sure he could anyway ) he goes no where sits staring into space most of the day. And no he doesn't have a problem , that in his words , couldn't be solved if he got away from his family ( he adores our daughter , who lives with her fiancée 20 miles away ).
How can this happen ?
Things have been going along fine ish.We have agreed a sale on the house, agreed a purchase of a nice house in a village. But I was awoken today by oh saying once again he wants nothing to do with our son , what have I done with the money , I bought our car without asking him just went and bought it with our son, bought an expensive gold locket without asking him , ( all these things were purchased but with him wholly involved many years ago ) . He's not signing anything until he has seen " the man " who hes spoken to on the phone !as I am giving his money away. He's not moving with me he is going back to our home county where " all his friends are ". I lost it I'm afraid , told him that's fine I will be happy to l ive on my own , I went out for the day on my own went and had a lovely lunch on my own. I am really worn out and wonder if I can cope much longer , I am drowning. What can I do ,I know its not his fault but its not mine either. He's 70 at the end of the month, I'm 57.
Our finances are shared. Although he keeps saying he had all the money when I met him And keeps referring to his money . All bank accounts etc are joint and have been for the past 27 years. But if he won't sign we will loose the sale and that would be a total disaster. I may be delusional but I'm not sure he's bad enough to involve social services.
I try to be positive. I take all of the criticism, shouting , abuse and vicious verbal attack about our son being a thief and stealing something everyday he knows exactly what things have been stolen and where from . That I talk about him behind his back , that I am trying along with our son to push him out and get rid of him .( I may add here that our son doesn't live with us and he rarely calls because of his dad, I do go to his as that is lovely for me to see him and just try to get back to some sort of normal for a while) That I am trying to control his life, he knows what I am doing. He has been threatening to leave me and go his own way for years and now he is leaving me and will find another woman who will be everything I am not ( where he will find such a wonderful person I'm not sure ,but strangely I am not bothered ). I went out last night with a girl friend for a drink which we have done maybe once a month for years, today he asked me who I had "pulled " , tempting as that might seem , it has never crossed my mind . Although I think I am reasonably attractive, oddly I have never been asked ,(maybe two older women in a very nice country hotel , sitting on a two seater settee in an out of the way corner deep in conversation doesn't give off the right vibes ! ) .
My son and daughter both think I am loosing the plot as I am constantly stressed, trying to do what is right. Worryingly they may be right .
So here's the question. No sympathy please just how you would deal with it.
Is today the day I give up. Move into another bedroom Do my own thing and let him muddle on . The farm we live on is up for sale ( because he can no longer cope since our son moved out ) so when it is sold I can go and get my own place and a life . He wants to move to another county so he can get back to all his old friends, who he never sees. He is 70 this year but very physically fit if this is relevant I'm not sure..
One thing is for sure it cant carry on like this .
No he wont have help, he wont talk to anyone , he wont join any group ( not sure he could anyway ) he goes no where sits staring into space most of the day. And no he doesn't have a problem , that in his words , couldn't be solved if he got away from his family ( he adores our daughter , who lives with her fiancée 20 miles away ).
From what you have said I think it's plain that he is. Probably things have deteriorated over a long period and you maybe need an outsider to recognise the problems. I would start with the GP as SS tend to be overwhelmed and won't act promptly unless someone is in physical danger. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get some help x