Hello again. Mum responsive this morning and was still accepting her liquid drink and medication, was able to look at her lovely Mother`s Day basket of flowers and I read her card, however since lunchtime she has deterioated further. Doctor called and a decision was made by all of us to withdraw her medication apart from the antibiotic and pain relief, paracetamol. No morphine yet.I left her at 2pm deep in sleep. I revisited tonight, slipping away further. Deep in sleep unresponsive to me and carers. We tried to give her antiobotic tonight, but held our breath as she could not swallow or accept the spoon as this morning. Lead carer and I agreed made a decision not to try any further. Choking was too risky and I wouldn`t allow carers to take that responsibility. I left her at 8.30pm still deep sleep saying goodbye again. She is clamy and her pallor pale. The senior carer on tonight explained when they know she is near the end of her life - a change in breathing. I have asked them to ring me if the change takes place tonight, as I feel it would be a previlege to be with her as her life ends. As her only child and only 19years between us we are close, and since she moved near us 20 years ago I have seen her everyday accept when on holiday. It has been a long haul on the dementia road (cardio vascular mixed) we have walked the path together. 8 years ago I realised we had a problem, 4years in care, 3year and4 month of which in dementia secure unit, and if I have the chance to be with her at the end I will have no regrets knowing I could not have done more for her. Love is letting go, and I remain calm, she remains calm and comfortable. Carers fantastic, They have to be commended. Residents can stay some time in the unit until the end of their lives and these wonderful dedicated carers cannot help but become close to their charges, and they too have to deal with loss.
Thank you for your prayers for both of us
Heather xxx