mum now bedridden and now leaving me only days left

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by catbells, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Mum now has chest infection.discussion with dr who like me mums only child has agreed to let her pass away in familiar surrounding being cared for by carers who have looked after her for 3yrs. Morphine antibiotics and something to aid breathing has been prescribed. God give me strength tp get through the next few days. Heather x
  2. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    So sorry to hear your sad news , my best wishes and prayers to you both, hoping you can take comfort that mum seems in good hands and in the best of places. You also need to look after yourself , I hope you have good family and friends around you at this time.
  3. matchstick

    matchstick Registered User

    Dec 22, 2010
    Catbells sorry to read your news,peace to you and your mum at this difficult time.
  4. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    I;ll be thinking of you and your mum, Heather, I hope your mum is as comfortable as possible and that you find the strength you need, perhaps you can gather some from TP xx
  5. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    Wishing you strength and thinking of you xx

  6. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Sorry to hear your news Heather. I hope the next few days are comfortable and peaceful for you and your Mum. I wish you strength for the days ahead and thank you for supporting me on my past posts on this website. Take care and God Bless xxx
  7. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    I wish you strength and love x
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I hope that grace, peace and serenity are yours and your mother's at this time.

    Take care of yourself.
  9. tinap

    tinap Registered User

    Nov 2, 2014
    west midlands
    Wish you strength at these sad times xx
  10. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Thank you all for yoursupport and kind thoughts. Today Mum not eating, she isn`t swallowing even carers feeling uncomfortable about attempting to feed her. She is accepting the thicken juice drinks which I feel refresh her mouth. No morphine yet. It was explain fully to me that if they feel she is in pain a district nurse will come and fit a line for continuous flow of the drug. Its al at the CH ready waiting for her. Why morphine? what is causing the pain?, the answer they gave me was possible pain from the body shutting down. If they have any doubts they will administer anyway.
    I am calmer than yesterday focussing on the situation being a positive one for Mum, this will be her release. Its not all about me, but about her.
    Our son and his partner came over tonight and we enjoyed a pizza takeway and catchup with each other. they only live 5 mins away, but they wanted to be around me. Friends and neighbours rallying around to. Its a times like this you see who your friends are, so caring and understanding.
    I don`t recall sleeping last night, but I`m so exhausted today, I think I could sleep for a week. I will buy Mother`s Day card and flowers tomorrow just in case she doesn`t make it to Sunday.
    Thank you all again
    Heather xxx
  11. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Thinking of you, Heather, as you help your mum at this final stage of her life.
    She is receiving good care, and she has you, and thankfully you too are supported.
    Wishing you peace and strength.
  12. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    thinking of you at this difficult time...your Mum is in good hands x
  13. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Hello again. Mum responsive this morning and was still accepting her liquid drink and medication, was able to look at her lovely Mother`s Day basket of flowers and I read her card, however since lunchtime she has deterioated further. Doctor called and a decision was made by all of us to withdraw her medication apart from the antibiotic and pain relief, paracetamol. No morphine yet.I left her at 2pm deep in sleep. I revisited tonight, slipping away further. Deep in sleep unresponsive to me and carers. We tried to give her antiobotic tonight, but held our breath as she could not swallow or accept the spoon as this morning. Lead carer and I agreed made a decision not to try any further. Choking was too risky and I wouldn`t allow carers to take that responsibility. I left her at 8.30pm still deep sleep saying goodbye again. She is clamy and her pallor pale. The senior carer on tonight explained when they know she is near the end of her life - a change in breathing. I have asked them to ring me if the change takes place tonight, as I feel it would be a previlege to be with her as her life ends. As her only child and only 19years between us we are close, and since she moved near us 20 years ago I have seen her everyday accept when on holiday. It has been a long haul on the dementia road (cardio vascular mixed) we have walked the path together. 8 years ago I realised we had a problem, 4years in care, 3year and4 month of which in dementia secure unit, and if I have the chance to be with her at the end I will have no regrets knowing I could not have done more for her. Love is letting go, and I remain calm, she remains calm and comfortable. Carers fantastic, They have to be commended. Residents can stay some time in the unit until the end of their lives and these wonderful dedicated carers cannot help but become close to their charges, and they too have to deal with loss.
    Thank you for your prayers for both of us
    Heather xxx
  14. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    Still thinking of you and your mum, Heather, your mum has been lucky to have you so close to her all these years, and so caring. I hope you can rest a little and be with your mum at the end. xx
  15. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    East Coast of Australia
    Sending positive thoughts your way. I remember what my Mm's last weeks wee like. It can be quite exhausting on the loved ones so take your rest when you can. I am glad your family are rallying around and others are being kind and supportive. You need that to see you through.
  16. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Wishing you strength and your mum peace.
  17. DIANE69

    DIANE69 Registered User

    Jan 7, 2014
    The last stages can be so exhausting please take care of yourself.I was torn between wanting a release for my husband and my own overwhelming grief.Take comfort in remembering all the good times you and your mum had.
  18. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I'm glad that your dear Mum is receiving all the help she needs and deserves. I'm also glad that you are getting support from family members and friends.

    May your Mum remain peaceful and calm


    Lyn T XX
  19. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Hi again
    Mum today still asleep and not responding. We can`t administer any medication at all now and her body is now not only dehydrating but missing the daily antibiotic given for UTI. She is hot. I have wet her lips with water, but no response at all. Duvet removed, bedsheet only and a fan on low power to help keep her cool.She is still sensitive to sensation because when she is toiletting, she whimpers, but its soon passed. (She has always been distressed when toiletting) - she never liked it and the difference now is that she doesn`t move her hand to her tummy anymore, in fact doesn`t move at all now.
    Still calm and comfortable. Said goodbye to her again.
    thank you all again for being there for me during this difficult time. You don`t realised how much it means to me. xxxheather:)
  20. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Your fellow TP'ears are with you Heather. Much love to you. Rose x

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