Hi
I just need to rant and get this all of my chest somewhere I know people can relate to some of my issues!
Both my elderly parents have dementia.
My dad has been temporarily put in a respite care home by social services as the 4 x a day carer visits were not enough and he keeps falling. His mobility is very bad and he never uses his zimmer frame.
My mum is at home still and social services are sorting out a live in carer who will hopefully start next week.
My mum often leaves the house without shoes, her bag, money, keys. I get constant phone calls from "no caller id" and know it is always the police or social services.
I can never relax because I never know who's going to call me. The police seem to think because I only live about 20 minutes drive away that I can drop everything at all times of day and night and go and collect her.
Or if they drop her home they expect me to go round before they leave to check she's OK.
I know they have her best interests at heart but I cannot go on like this.
I am only 32, I have 2 young children and 1 of them has Autism. I strongly suspect my youngest has ADHD. Put it this way, my life isn't easy anyway!
What makes it all worse is that I have never got on with my mum. She has been very emotionally abusive all my life. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable in her presence as am waiting for critiscism. I used to see her once a week and hated and dreaded this but now I am having to see her much more regularly.
Even if I am not with her physically I am dealing with a doctor's phone call, or speaking to social worker, or the police are ringing.
I am trying to do a college course at the moment too.
I have worked up the courage to tell the police twice now that I cannot deal with this all the time and they need to think of the situation as if I didn't live so nearby.
I have a half brother who lives in France and 2 half sisters that live a 4 hour drive away.
None of them help. They just say they wish they could but can't because of distance.
I feel constantly guilty that I could do more than I do. For example if I meet a friend I feel I should be doing something for them instead!
Today I tried to meet a good friend I haven't seen for months and as soon as I arrived the police rang and asked me to go and get her!
Because of my mums aggressive behaviour when visiting my dad at the care home she now isn't allowed to visit unsupervised. I am the only 1 to take her so even more burden on me.
I am sure I wouldn't feel this resentful if she had been a good mum to me but she's made my life hell the last few years even before the dementia.
I also have no idea how to help them financially. They wouldn't agree to power of attorney before and it's past that point now. I've applied for court of protection but very slow going.
Their care bills must be at least £10000 already and now they'll be getting a live in carer.
I don't know where any of their paperwork is! It would take me days on end to find it and try and make sense of it and with young kids that's almost impossible.
I know if I don't try and do something the council will take their house. But part of me thinks I don't have the time or energy to prevent this.
I also want some time out at the weekends with my own family.
I am so preoccupied with all this I feel I'm not emotionally there for my kids like I should be. My youngest is only 4!
Last weekend we spent both whole days there sorting out their entire house ready for a live in carer to move in! My boys were going insane with boredom whilst this happened! We end up shouting at them. It's not fair.
I am now refusing to answer phone calls to any number I don't recognise! But still find it stressful hearing phone ring and then wondering how to respond to the current crazy situation if they leave a message.
Maybe I sound selfish I don't know.
Rant over!!!
I just need to rant and get this all of my chest somewhere I know people can relate to some of my issues!
Both my elderly parents have dementia.
My dad has been temporarily put in a respite care home by social services as the 4 x a day carer visits were not enough and he keeps falling. His mobility is very bad and he never uses his zimmer frame.
My mum is at home still and social services are sorting out a live in carer who will hopefully start next week.
My mum often leaves the house without shoes, her bag, money, keys. I get constant phone calls from "no caller id" and know it is always the police or social services.
I can never relax because I never know who's going to call me. The police seem to think because I only live about 20 minutes drive away that I can drop everything at all times of day and night and go and collect her.
Or if they drop her home they expect me to go round before they leave to check she's OK.
I know they have her best interests at heart but I cannot go on like this.
I am only 32, I have 2 young children and 1 of them has Autism. I strongly suspect my youngest has ADHD. Put it this way, my life isn't easy anyway!
What makes it all worse is that I have never got on with my mum. She has been very emotionally abusive all my life. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable in her presence as am waiting for critiscism. I used to see her once a week and hated and dreaded this but now I am having to see her much more regularly.
Even if I am not with her physically I am dealing with a doctor's phone call, or speaking to social worker, or the police are ringing.
I am trying to do a college course at the moment too.
I have worked up the courage to tell the police twice now that I cannot deal with this all the time and they need to think of the situation as if I didn't live so nearby.
I have a half brother who lives in France and 2 half sisters that live a 4 hour drive away.
None of them help. They just say they wish they could but can't because of distance.
I feel constantly guilty that I could do more than I do. For example if I meet a friend I feel I should be doing something for them instead!
Today I tried to meet a good friend I haven't seen for months and as soon as I arrived the police rang and asked me to go and get her!
Because of my mums aggressive behaviour when visiting my dad at the care home she now isn't allowed to visit unsupervised. I am the only 1 to take her so even more burden on me.
I am sure I wouldn't feel this resentful if she had been a good mum to me but she's made my life hell the last few years even before the dementia.
I also have no idea how to help them financially. They wouldn't agree to power of attorney before and it's past that point now. I've applied for court of protection but very slow going.
Their care bills must be at least £10000 already and now they'll be getting a live in carer.
I don't know where any of their paperwork is! It would take me days on end to find it and try and make sense of it and with young kids that's almost impossible.
I know if I don't try and do something the council will take their house. But part of me thinks I don't have the time or energy to prevent this.
I also want some time out at the weekends with my own family.
I am so preoccupied with all this I feel I'm not emotionally there for my kids like I should be. My youngest is only 4!
Last weekend we spent both whole days there sorting out their entire house ready for a live in carer to move in! My boys were going insane with boredom whilst this happened! We end up shouting at them. It's not fair.
I am now refusing to answer phone calls to any number I don't recognise! But still find it stressful hearing phone ring and then wondering how to respond to the current crazy situation if they leave a message.
Maybe I sound selfish I don't know.
Rant over!!!