My experience is that my Carer's Assessment did not focus on my husband (who has Alzheimer's) at all. His Needs Assessment was undertaken at a different time. My Carer's Assessment focused on my needs and how I felt I was coping. In fact it took place in my office at school as I was a full time headteacher at the time.
Just had my dad come to live with us he has Mixed Dementia
- Thread starter loopylyn53
- Start date
My experience is that my Carer's Assessment did not focus on my husband (who has Alzheimer's) at all. His Needs Assessment was undertaken at a different time. My Carer's Assessment focused on my needs and how I felt I was coping. In fact it took place in my office at school as I was a full time headteacher at the time.
Assessment
Hi Motherhen, I contacted the Social Services today to see how long it is going to take for my carers assessment......
I was told that it is a lengthy process and could be a good few weeks yet. I have no information as to where or who can help me with respite/day centre/care. I have not had a day outside this house (apart from Tescos) in 10 weeks!! I am really at rock bottom, if I had the energy, I would walk out of the door and not come back. Why is no one listening to me? If I had known that getting help would have been so difficult I would never have agreed to taking Dad!! I am despairing of the situation. I'm fed up with being "fed up", I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day........... I wish I could turn the clock back......
Hi Motherhen, I contacted the Social Services today to see how long it is going to take for my carers assessment......
I was told that it is a lengthy process and could be a good few weeks yet. I have no information as to where or who can help me with respite/day centre/care. I have not had a day outside this house (apart from Tescos) in 10 weeks!! I am really at rock bottom, if I had the energy, I would walk out of the door and not come back. Why is no one listening to me? If I had known that getting help would have been so difficult I would never have agreed to taking Dad!! I am despairing of the situation. I'm fed up with being "fed up", I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day........... I wish I could turn the clock back......I saw 2 pages back that your Dad does have money/savings to pay for day care. The reality is, if you have money, you have to pay and lots of us are having to bite the bullet on that, regardless of who we think "ought" to be paying for it. Some care homes offer day care, and you'd have to look up local homes online and see what their websites say, and perhaps ring them up for further information. It would relieve the pressure on you. Waiting for the slow processes of SS to tick over is costing you your mental and physical health.
I think the growing distance between you and your hubby sounds quite dangerous, and you even mentioned you are going to sleep downstairs. I could never have a parent living with me, because their need for my time and attention would mean it would "appear" as if I was married to them, not to my actual husband. Please act quickly to safeguard what you called an excellent marriage, until now.
I think the growing distance between you and your hubby sounds quite dangerous, and you even mentioned you are going to sleep downstairs. I could never have a parent living with me, because their need for my time and attention would mean it would "appear" as if I was married to them, not to my actual husband.
Please act quickly to safeguard what you called an excellent marriage, until now.
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Organising care
Hi Owly, The problem is I have no idea where to start..... A care home is no good he wont go there, but I would love to have someone come in so that I can go out for the day or something..... The Social Worker did call me 2 weeks ago to go through a few things. She mentioned respite vouchers (which is actually changing to a direct payment for 28 days respite care) she said that everyone is entitled to those and that it is not means tasted, but for any other help I think my dad will be self funding and I have no idea of costs etc., Also I would like recommendations from someone in authority, you hear of such horror stories in the media. My husband has gone out to Golf again today, gets his dinner there, so its just me and dad again today. I wish this was a dream and I could just wake up!
Hi Owly, The problem is I have no idea where to start..... A care home is no good he wont go there, but I would love to have someone come in so that I can go out for the day or something..... The Social Worker did call me 2 weeks ago to go through a few things. She mentioned respite vouchers (which is actually changing to a direct payment for 28 days respite care) she said that everyone is entitled to those and that it is not means tasted, but for any other help I think my dad will be self funding and I have no idea of costs etc., Also I would like recommendations from someone in authority, you hear of such horror stories in the media. My husband has gone out to Golf again today, gets his dinner there, so its just me and dad again today. I wish this was a dream and I could just wake up!
Hi Loopylyn, I've just been reading through your post. Sounds like you need to take some direct steps rather than wait for SS.
Please try calling these people - I'm not affiliated with them at all, but just did a quick google search for private care workers cumbria, and they look like they have potential. Yes, your dad will have to pay for this, but good grief - what are your options otherwise?! http://www.bluebirdcare.co.uk/uk_office/about/carlisle
I have read various advise about getting a Financial LPA and Health & Welfare LPA while a dementia sufferer still has the ability to do this. There are factsheets here, or try this link: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview Probably something you and your brother should do with dad together. It takes several weeks and a couple of hundred quid to register, but if you have the docs completed and witnessed now, you can keep them safe and register if/when necessary.
Good luck, and I hope some positive action helps your spirits
xx
Please try calling these people - I'm not affiliated with them at all, but just did a quick google search for private care workers cumbria, and they look like they have potential. Yes, your dad will have to pay for this, but good grief - what are your options otherwise?! http://www.bluebirdcare.co.uk/uk_office/about/carlisle
I have read various advise about getting a Financial LPA and Health & Welfare LPA while a dementia sufferer still has the ability to do this. There are factsheets here, or try this link: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview Probably something you and your brother should do with dad together. It takes several weeks and a couple of hundred quid to register, but if you have the docs completed and witnessed now, you can keep them safe and register if/when necessary.
Good luck, and I hope some positive action helps your spirits
xx
Another thought - a friend of mine put an advert in the local newsletter asking for a companion for her mum with AD. It didn't last long (mum died) but when the companion was in the house, my friend felt able to go out or take some time for herself. Also, much cheaper than registered carers! Of course, always a worry if you don't know the person at all... go with your instincts on that one!
You must understand it varies considerably across the country. You've obviously had a good experience. I've had no help from social services, they just wanted to close the case once I'd organised daycare (which is only 4 hours a day once a wk, hardly daycare more like a luncheon club) & respite (we are self funding). Even our Alzheimer's Society pulled out of our city apart from an admin office. Other charities like Carers Trust charge per hour just the same as other business care agencies. I looked into getting a sitter for a day with Carers Trust (9am - 10pm so I could go away for the day) & it was going to cost over £200
for the day. Professional carers have to have a break after 6 hours & the hourly rate goes up after 7pm.
Just to clarify I believe that Lasting Power of Attorney should be registered as soon as it is signed. It doesn't come into effect until the person loses capacity but as it can take 4 months to go be registered it's best to start early and have it sitting waiting for when it is needed.
Depressed
Hi girls (and guys) Can anyone give me some advice on how to help my dad. I noticed he was very quiet today and asked him if he was ok and he says he doesn't want to be here any more, (obviously depressed). Just wondered if anyone has dealt with this and give me some advice on how to deal with this. Thanks in advance
Hi girls (and guys) Can anyone give me some advice on how to help my dad. I noticed he was very quiet today and asked him if he was ok and he says he doesn't want to be here any more, (obviously depressed). Just wondered if anyone has dealt with this and give me some advice on how to deal with this. Thanks in advance
Meeting
On Friday I met up with two lovely ladies that I met on this forum. My husband said I came home a "changed woman"! I just needed someone to reassure me that what I was feeling was "normal". I hope that our meetings continue. Also my doctor contacted the Memory clinic and they have called me on Thursday and said because my dad has been diagnosed there isn't much they can do, but they have contacted the Community Mental Health Team and asked this site to send one of their ladies around to assess the situation, called me back the next day to say they will be in contact in a week (still no joy with SS, not impressed!) At last someone is beginning to listen to me before I lose the plot, I will keep you informed of the progress. And a big thank to my two new friends (you know who you are!) xx
On Friday I met up with two lovely ladies that I met on this forum. My husband said I came home a "changed woman"! I just needed someone to reassure me that what I was feeling was "normal". I hope that our meetings continue. Also my doctor contacted the Memory clinic and they have called me on Thursday and said because my dad has been diagnosed there isn't much they can do, but they have contacted the Community Mental Health Team and asked this site to send one of their ladies around to assess the situation, called me back the next day to say they will be in contact in a week (still no joy with SS, not impressed!) At last someone is beginning to listen to me before I lose the plot, I will keep you informed of the progress. And a big thank to my two new friends (you know who you are!) xx
Just read this whole thread and feel for you, Loopylyn. This forum is excellent and has such a wealth of knowledge. Also wanted to say to Motherhen that your post was exactly how we felt.
If you are self funding it is positive in the fact that you can decide who/when you want help ..... and able to control it to an extent. But it is tricky to find what is out there. Our local Day centre( Friday club!!) is brilliant but we only found it existed by chance.
Keep positive - remember it's this horrible disease that takes over - and you can only do so much .....
Look after yourself xxxx
If you are self funding it is positive in the fact that you can decide who/when you want help ..... and able to control it to an extent. But it is tricky to find what is out there. Our local Day centre( Friday club!!) is brilliant but we only found it existed by chance.
Keep positive - remember it's this horrible disease that takes over - and you can only do so much .....
Look after yourself xxxx
Thank you
Hollyx, Appreciate your comments, this site has been my saviour but no-one tells you about it. I just decided to "google" sites that can give advice for dementia/Alzheimers and came up with this one (thank god I did!) I have cried, wanted to run away and nearly given up and its only been the support that I have received from this site that has kept me going.
Hollyx, Appreciate your comments, this site has been my saviour but no-one tells you about it. I just decided to "google" sites that can give advice for dementia/Alzheimers and came up with this one (thank god I did!) I have cried, wanted to run away and nearly given up and its only been the support that I have received from this site that has kept me going.
Update
Had a visit from the Community Mental Health Nurse today, and they have taken my dad under their wing, they are arranging for their Social Worker to visit and organise the Respite vouchers and put me in touch with day care centres etc., in my area. The are also going to get the Occupational Health girls in to see just what he can and can't do... So progress, although I have had a real couple of bad days with him and he has made me very low..... Baby steps.......
Had a visit from the Community Mental Health Nurse today, and they have taken my dad under their wing, they are arranging for their Social Worker to visit and organise the Respite vouchers and put me in touch with day care centres etc., in my area. The are also going to get the Occupational Health girls in to see just what he can and can't do... So progress, although I have had a real couple of bad days with him and he has made me very low..... Baby steps.......
Lost the Plot
Don't know if anyone has been following my posts but..... I haven't been on for a while, I am now at complete rock bottom and collapsed Tuesday night and had to spend a night in hospital. I am so depressed, cant eat, don't want to talk (if I do I just start crying). I am trying to make sense of what is happening... I can cook, clean, make sure he gets his meds, keep going in to check he is ok make him cups of tea, try and find something on the telly for him, no problem, but his paranoia, depressed moods 24/7 have pulled me down where he is. The Social Worker is coming today and I was wondering how I should explain things to her. The community Mental Health nurse came in last Friday and when I took him to meet my Dad, he was so very suspicious of him I had a terrible weekend with him. So I am dreading the Social Workers visit today! Am I in for another **** weekend? Any advice would be welcomed with open arms, you lot on here are the only ones I can talk to xx
Don't know if anyone has been following my posts but..... I haven't been on for a while, I am now at complete rock bottom and collapsed Tuesday night and had to spend a night in hospital. I am so depressed, cant eat, don't want to talk (if I do I just start crying). I am trying to make sense of what is happening... I can cook, clean, make sure he gets his meds, keep going in to check he is ok make him cups of tea, try and find something on the telly for him, no problem, but his paranoia, depressed moods 24/7 have pulled me down where he is. The Social Worker is coming today and I was wondering how I should explain things to her. The community Mental Health nurse came in last Friday and when I took him to meet my Dad, he was so very suspicious of him I had a terrible weekend with him. So I am dreading the Social Workers visit today! Am I in for another **** weekend? Any advice would be welcomed with open arms, you lot on here are the only ones I can talk to xx
Oh loopylyn I am so sorry, you are going to have to decide something and if all this is making you ill would a CH be better, they would take the responsibility and hard work out of it and you could enjoy visits, Your health is very important and your dad would be well looked after,
I hope it goes well with the SW please tell them as it really is and get the help you deserve,
Sorry things are so bad ,
Best wishes from Jeany x
I hope it goes well with the SW please tell them as it really is and get the help you deserve,
Sorry things are so bad ,
Best wishes from Jeany x
Sorry Lyn I have not read al your posts but have an idea of the overall situation. I am not in the same boat, but my Dad has AD and still lives at home, with all day carers plus my brother lives there, but this is not ideal as bro has mental illness so I have a degree of responsibility for them both. Mum died 20 years ago.
With Dad, I have come to the gradual, sad but unavoidable realisation that I have to protect myself from him/ his AD (it's always hard to tell where the boundaries are, what is the person and what is the illness). Dad's personality (which was never 100% easy, he's had a scary temper and beat me for much of my childhood) has been distorted by the AD so the paranoia, impulsiveness, demanding persona and tendency to anger can all flare up within seconds.
So i visit every fortnight, do the POA stuff, and pay big cheques for the carers. I am more or less at peace, I know deep down if I moved in with him/ he moved in here, the arrangement would break down probably sooner rather than later.
It is hard to accept that someone who was your parent, your protector is now completely changed and quite a different person has taken their place. But maybe you need to let go of who they were, look at it practically and put things in place so you can reclaim your life. Of course I can't tell you what to do, but that may well mean him going into residential care.
With Dad, I have come to the gradual, sad but unavoidable realisation that I have to protect myself from him/ his AD (it's always hard to tell where the boundaries are, what is the person and what is the illness). Dad's personality (which was never 100% easy, he's had a scary temper and beat me for much of my childhood) has been distorted by the AD so the paranoia, impulsiveness, demanding persona and tendency to anger can all flare up within seconds.
So i visit every fortnight, do the POA stuff, and pay big cheques for the carers. I am more or less at peace, I know deep down if I moved in with him/ he moved in here, the arrangement would break down probably sooner rather than later.
It is hard to accept that someone who was your parent, your protector is now completely changed and quite a different person has taken their place. But maybe you need to let go of who they were, look at it practically and put things in place so you can reclaim your life. Of course I can't tell you what to do, but that may well mean him going into residential care.
Oh yes. Just tell them what you've written here. I am the same. Have become ill with it all & it isn't the physical stuff it's the mental stuff. On eggshells, what mood will they be in, what craziness do they believe now. What awful things have I meant to have done now. etc., etc. Have put my mum into respite this afternoon. This morning a moment of lucidity which I haven't seen in years. She was 'sticking' on stairs as I tried to coax & help her down & I said a throw away comment which I didn't think 'she'd get', 'if you carry on like this you won't be coming out of ***'[place where home is]. As we wandered through to room she said to me 'if you've to decide whether I'm in or out & I'm not begging to be in but I relieve you'! Wow! I can go ahead without guilt!? An hour & half later during giving her lunch & packing she suddenly realised she was going in & I was the daughter from hell again & had ruined her life & she's got a life to live as well you know. I said that's me you're talking about
She was in bad mood all the journey there (21miles). Once in she was happy & even trotted happily to dining room for tea, normally has it in her room. I'm hanging on to the lucid moment and remembering the other is the dementia.
I would be looking at a full time residential care option for him too. No-one is going to come up with a magic wand or a pill to change a situation like that, I'm afraid.
I admire you hugely for trying, but there's no shame in admitting it's not working out.
Good luck
I admire you hugely for trying, but there's no shame in admitting it's not working out.
Good luck
What timimg!
Thank you for all your comments, change in circumstances.... while the Social Worker was here, my dad had a massive stroke, followed by a Heart Attack. He is still with us but we have been told to prepare for the worse. How guilty do I feel? On a scale from 1 to 10 say a 20....
Thank you for all your comments, change in circumstances.... while the Social Worker was here, my dad had a massive stroke, followed by a Heart Attack. He is still with us but we have been told to prepare for the worse. How guilty do I feel? On a scale from 1 to 10 say a 20....
