Just had my dad come to live with us he has Mixed Dementia
- Thread starter loopylyn53
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Don't feel guilty. It's a horrendous situation but this is a blessing. Noone wants to linger, swift exit is better.Thank you for all your comments, change in circumstances.... while the Social Worker was here, my dad had a massive stroke, followed by a Heart Attack. He is still with us but we have been told to prepare for the worse. How guilty do I feel? On a scale from 1 to 10 say a 20....
So sorry for both you and your Dad.Take care and forget about guilt you love your Dad that is obvious hold his hand tell him.
I can relate to you, we sold mums house in June, bought a bungalow and hubby and I moved in with her. She could not cope alone, was isolated and not taking care of herself. No one else in my family was prepared to do anything and I could no longer cope caring long distance for mum. Though mum is marvellous for her age (93) and quite mobile still but can get giddy spells so I have to help her shower and dress incase she topples over. I do all the cooking washing cleaning etc, gp appointments, manage finances everything. We've had lots of work to on the house too so its been quite a strain these last two months. Its full on hard work and now having had so much freedom since our children flew the nest, we now have to plan everything we do, even popping to the shops. We went out to the cinema last night and left mum indoors, but the whole time we were out, I was so worried she would fall. I'm looking to get someone in to befriend mum and hopefully someone who can come and sit with mum if we go out odd weekend evenings. I put out a message on our local face book page and had a great response. I will be paying them of course and doing the relevant 'checks' on them to ensure they are trustworthy etc. But I feel its worth it and will be good for mum. She will never go to day centres, tea and chat anything like that. She tried it once and hated it. Full of old people all just sitting around, that was mums words!!! She has always been young for her age, even her looks belie her age and I guess she doesn't view herself as old. But I need to be able to have some time to myself, for my own sanity as of course its not all plain sailing and she does have serious mood swings, mainly when shes not slept well. You're not alone Loopy Lyn, and yes this forum is an absolute lifeline. Many times I've posted on here when I've been in complete and utter turmoil and despair. Its good to share xx
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Oh no, I'm so sorry I've just read further up and seen your dad is very ill. Don't beat yourself though, we are all on a learning curve. None of this is easy, there is no 'manual' on how to deal with this devastating disease so we all just do the best we can. That's it. I have wished my mum further on many occasions, thought awful thoughts when I've had a bad day, we're human, its normal. Thinking of you. Much love xx
Thank you for all your comments, change in circumstances.... while the Social Worker was here, my dad had a massive stroke, followed by a Heart Attack. He is still with us but we have been told to prepare for the worse. How guilty do I feel? On a scale from 1 to 10 say a 20....
Please, please do not torment yourself with guilt. None of this was your fault. You have tried so hard to do your best, and your dad (the person he was before dementia took its dreadful hold) would, I am sure, be the last person to want you to blame yourself in any way.
Absolutely right Witzend, please don't feel guilty, Lynn. I hope that your are ok, please let us know xxxx
Update
Firstly, let me thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the invaluable support that you have all given me on this site. As you know dad had a massive stroke on Thursday evening and unfortunately passed away this morning at 9.30am. A blessing I think, Alzheimer's/Dementia is a wicked disease and I hope that I never have to deal with it again, it robbed me of my dad, I am left feeling guilty and so sad......
Firstly, let me thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the invaluable support that you have all given me on this site. As you know dad had a massive stroke on Thursday evening and unfortunately passed away this morning at 9.30am. A blessing I think, Alzheimer's/Dementia is a wicked disease and I hope that I never have to deal with it again, it robbed me of my dad, I am left feeling guilty and so sad......
Such mixed emotions reading this and for you even more so. But guilt should not be anywhere in the mix. Reading your posts it is absolutely clear that you have done everything and more to help your Dad and must feel some gratitude and relief that he is at peace now after such a distressing time. That's not to minimise the dreadful shock and loss at all. With my MIL last year, we felt we had been bereaved twice, once when we lost her to dementia and then again when she actually died.
Sending all my sympathy to you and all your family, take care of each other in the days ahead.
Sorry to hear your news Lyn, be kind to yourself and remember all you did for your Dad. He is at peace.
I'm so sad to read your news
May that guilt monster finally know it's place, which is no where near you xx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
May that guilt monster finally know it's place, which is no where near you xx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
