I really need to get a few things off my chest.....My mother hates living in a care home and is desperate to go home. She is very unhappy after being in there for 6 months now and complains about everything from the staff, the residents, the food, the room etc .. nothing is right for her in there. However, so far I have found everything in there to be good and the staff have been very reassuring and kind.
Mum is in complete denial of her condition and continually pleads with me to let her go back to her home or live with me and my family and she is convinced she could carry on like she used to. I have previously looked after my mother for a short period of time but could not cope and reluctantly had to put her in a care home on the advice of the doctor. I have tried to explain to her that I cannot cope with working full time and looking after my children as well as being a full time carer but she does not accept my problems, feelings, worries or responsibilities.
I feel so sad that we do not have any quality time any more as every time I visit her I am worn down with her expecting me to look after her seeing as though she looked after me as a child. I have tried reducing my visits and shortening our trips out, but, nothing seems to work. Each time we meet up it becomes awkward and upsetting, and she will not back down.
I cannot reason with her any more and she is so frustrated and unhappy. She will not watch tv or play any games with me or spend any time in the home and wants me to take her out of the place and back home in the car. There is only one topic of conversation now that is wearing me down completely and I am totally guilt stricken and miserable feeling that I am letting her down. She feels that I should give up work and put her first the way she did for me when I was a child and I feel guilty for letting her down and not putting her first in her hour of need.
Mum will not agree to making her room more homely with any personal things and has become depressed although on a mild anti depressant. I feel as though my mother hates me and resents me for not looking after her at my home but with family commitments and work it is impossible and feel that I would incur real hardship on everyone if I tried to look after mum again myself.
There is no sense of reasoning with my mother and I try to explain my problems to her. She just gets angry and nasty with me and I regularly leave the care home in tears and she is left feeling imprisoned and let down by me. She keeps telling me never to visit her again if I will not take her out of the home to live with me. I am not really sure what to do now. I feel as though all this worry is taking over my life. It is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I sleep at night, yet, there doesnt seem to be an answer or a solution and I seem to be tearing my hair out in frustration getting nowhere, and going round in circles all the time.
We used to be really close and I am trying to make the time we have together special and stimulate her as much as I can by taking her to nice places but I cannot make her happy any more. I feel that I should repay her for looking after me as a child and feel guilty and torn in two but I also have my children to think of and feel that I am always neglecting themby chasing off to see my mum in the care home and coming back late and bad tempered with frustration and have little time for them. I realise that if my mother lived with us it would totally change their lives and I would be denying them quality family time with me. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of becoming a carer again and feel guilty for wanting to make the most of my childrens life whilst they are still young.
I don't suppose there is a solution or an answer, but, feel I just need to off load to someone, after such a very bad day today...
Mum is in complete denial of her condition and continually pleads with me to let her go back to her home or live with me and my family and she is convinced she could carry on like she used to. I have previously looked after my mother for a short period of time but could not cope and reluctantly had to put her in a care home on the advice of the doctor. I have tried to explain to her that I cannot cope with working full time and looking after my children as well as being a full time carer but she does not accept my problems, feelings, worries or responsibilities.
I feel so sad that we do not have any quality time any more as every time I visit her I am worn down with her expecting me to look after her seeing as though she looked after me as a child. I have tried reducing my visits and shortening our trips out, but, nothing seems to work. Each time we meet up it becomes awkward and upsetting, and she will not back down.
I cannot reason with her any more and she is so frustrated and unhappy. She will not watch tv or play any games with me or spend any time in the home and wants me to take her out of the place and back home in the car. There is only one topic of conversation now that is wearing me down completely and I am totally guilt stricken and miserable feeling that I am letting her down. She feels that I should give up work and put her first the way she did for me when I was a child and I feel guilty for letting her down and not putting her first in her hour of need.
Mum will not agree to making her room more homely with any personal things and has become depressed although on a mild anti depressant. I feel as though my mother hates me and resents me for not looking after her at my home but with family commitments and work it is impossible and feel that I would incur real hardship on everyone if I tried to look after mum again myself.
There is no sense of reasoning with my mother and I try to explain my problems to her. She just gets angry and nasty with me and I regularly leave the care home in tears and she is left feeling imprisoned and let down by me. She keeps telling me never to visit her again if I will not take her out of the home to live with me. I am not really sure what to do now. I feel as though all this worry is taking over my life. It is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I sleep at night, yet, there doesnt seem to be an answer or a solution and I seem to be tearing my hair out in frustration getting nowhere, and going round in circles all the time.
We used to be really close and I am trying to make the time we have together special and stimulate her as much as I can by taking her to nice places but I cannot make her happy any more. I feel that I should repay her for looking after me as a child and feel guilty and torn in two but I also have my children to think of and feel that I am always neglecting themby chasing off to see my mum in the care home and coming back late and bad tempered with frustration and have little time for them. I realise that if my mother lived with us it would totally change their lives and I would be denying them quality family time with me. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of becoming a carer again and feel guilty for wanting to make the most of my childrens life whilst they are still young.
I don't suppose there is a solution or an answer, but, feel I just need to off load to someone, after such a very bad day today...
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