I only became a member a few days ago as I began my struggle with Mum’s move to a care home on Thursday. I so hope that things are improving for you now because I am certainly finding it tough at the moment. The fact that so many people really do get it and have little strategies to share has been my saviour. I really liked the “love lies” and the fact that acknowledging that going home is what Mum wants and saying “I know you do but now is not the right time” have really helped me. A message for me to “stop enabling her wants and start implementing her needs” was a wake up call to me to really get on board with the idea that this is EXACTLY the right thing to be doing. Don’t get me wrong, I am wrung out and emotionally done in when I get home from visiting because we are on a loop of wanting to return home but I’m beginning to understand that she wants to return to pre dementia days when everything was fine. Don’t we all?!
Hang on in there because lots of us are on the same rocky ride. X
This is so what I needed to read right now, thank you.
My dad is currently in a social care bed in a nursing home following a stay in hospital. We are waiting for the care needs assessment which will determine where he ends up living - he wants to go home, I most definitely do not want that. His vascular dementia and assorted other health issues mean that independent living will never be possible again, but your comment: 'she wants to return to pre dementia days when everything was fine' sums our situation up perfectly.
Dad is so unhappy and it breaks my heart to see this each time I visit, but his needs have to come above his wants (and those of unhelpful people around him).
This forum is becoming my lifeline, thank you all for sharing your experiences.
HS1403 - there's no getting away from the emotional load of this, I hope so much that you will see some changes in your mum soon and you can both come to terms with this new way of living ?