@Feeling unsupported
Even more than you know. My Mum looked after my Dad for 12 years at home after he had a massive stroke that left him paralyzed right upper body and arm/hand- he was right handed, and weakness in his right leg. He survived a broken hip, and an ever growing aortic anyeurism and countless other maladies. When he started having heart attacks and could no longer drag himself around on an Aframe type-Zimmer he ended up in a wheelchair and eventually a care home after Mum had a serious health scare when she had a UTI which wouldn't clear up. ( She ended up in hospital and had what I believe to be a psychotic episode that lasted several days) Even when he was in the care home he would remind Mum of things she needed to do/bring/remember, and would sometimes say to me "your Mum doesn't remember a bloody thing!" Since that had often been a bit of a family joke, I didn't really pay that much attention to it, also Dad was so angry that we had ' put him into a home' that I thought it was just 'their' banter. I know that I should be doing self -care but it has been going on so long that I have just sort of lost sight of myself. I only ever notice when I catch my reflection in a mirror lol. I am sorry to know that you are seeing your Mum in similar decline to my Mum. I just burst into tears when I saw her tonight through my eye goggles in my N95 respirator and gown and gloves. It is not guilt that I feel thinking about her when I am not there, just sorrow for which there is no solace. I really hope you are able to practice some self-care without guilt, but I am afraid that those of us like yourself who care so much have trouble letting go of whatever those feelings are that keep us questioning if we've done enough. You have been at it for 8 years with your Mum and it sounds like a journey with your Dad before that . Without knowing any more about you than your post I would say it sure sounds like you have done as much as you can to see them through. Take care.