Hello
@Jacs321
I’m sorry you lost your mum recently. I feel that, when we lose someone close, we hold ourselves together while organising the burial and dealing with all the paperwork. Then we hold ourselves together a bit more for the actual burial and dealing with more paperwork and all the practical things we need to do. After that, we perhaps allow ourselves to fall apart or maybe wait a bit longer, as we go back to work, look after others, get on with everyday living. Grieving can be a slow process, often interrupted.
There are no rules or a best way to get through it. Like you, I have been grieving for my mum for a long time, since her dementia took hold, and I wondered if perhaps I had no more tears left. Now I have just lost her altogether and am not really sure how to feel. I think I am doing very well and everyone says how strong I am. I expect I will fall apart when I least expect it.
I’m not sure now is the time for you to be watching videos of your mum’s funeral. You’ve already been through that. You don’t need to keep reliving it. I’ve been looking at photographs of my mum when she was young, looking happy and trying to focus on her life before dementia. It’s still painful but I am trying to replace the dreadful more recent memories with happier ones. I expect our mums would prefer us to have those happier memories in our heads.
You can always share with us here and tell us how you feel. We understand.
Sending you a strengthening hug ?