(This is my first thread; it's a bit long-winded, but please stick with it for my question at the end.)
That's what my lovely mum said to me on Tuesday.
Mum had been a bit cantankerous in the morning when I was trying to change her night pull-ups for day pull-ups and kept slapping my hand away when I tried to help.
Mum is the gentlest of souls, but like many people with dementia, the last year has been an ordeal for her and not being able to take her out to socialise or engage in normal activities, shopping, lunch out etc, has bought on a decline, more steeply in the last few weeks.
Her easy going nature has just vanished; if I say white, she'll say black. No amount of encouragement will entice her to go out for a walk, sometimes she won't eat a meal - her favourite cheesy mushroom omelette just left on the plate.
And she back chats something terrible - 'Mum, don't forget to clean your teeth' says I, ' I've already cleaned them' says she. 'No mum, your toothbrush is still on the side of the basin with toothpaste on it' says I. 'Well, that must be somebody else's, because I've cleaned mine' and so we go round in circles.
Is this the normal path of dementia? Some days she's so awkward I would swear blind she's just trying to wind me up, which brings me back to Tuesday.
So, we'd had a tussle over her knickers - and I won that one! Clean pull-ups on and she was settled with a cup of tea.
I asked her if she knew who I was and she said, " Oh, you're just someone who's here all the time". I told her my name and that I was her daughter and she replied "So what".
I've suspected for a while that she'd lost the link of who OH and I are, but I was a bit taken aback to hear it said out loud.
In a way, it's opened the door to moving mum into respite for a week or two.
Apart from a couple of over-nighters when one or other of our daughters Grandma sat, OH and I haven't had a break in the four years mum has been with us. We had a particularly difficult 2020 and now that mum needs care 24/7, we are feeling very frazzled. Our lives seem to revolve around mum and what she wants or needs and OH and I haven't felt like a couple for months and months. The things I do for mum now, I wouldn't expect my girls to do, so the only option is a care home stay.
I know it's silly, but I've been very against putting her into respite, thinking she would miss us, miss being with us, but now I'm not so sure she'll even notice. The lady who runs our Memory cafe said to me that everyone deserves a break, so I'm going to toughen up a bit and put us first - which brings me to my question.
There is a care home very close to where we live, who will have a respite room available in a week's time and OH and I are going for a look around on Sunday.
This respite malarkey is all new to us and we've got a heap of questions BUT the sticking point is mum will have to be isolated for two weeks.
Can I ask if anyone has put their loved one through a care home isolation period; if so, did it have any adverse effects?
Now that I've accepted mum going into temporary care, to hear that she'll be confined to her room is making me rethink the whole situation, and to be honest, that little glimmer of excitement of time alone as a twosome is being snuffed out. The only option I can think of is a three week stay, so she would have a week spent with other residents, doing activities or whatever. But would three weeks away make it harder for her to settle back at home?
We're in a bit of a quandary and would be ever so grateful to hear your opinions please.
That's what my lovely mum said to me on Tuesday.
Mum had been a bit cantankerous in the morning when I was trying to change her night pull-ups for day pull-ups and kept slapping my hand away when I tried to help.
Mum is the gentlest of souls, but like many people with dementia, the last year has been an ordeal for her and not being able to take her out to socialise or engage in normal activities, shopping, lunch out etc, has bought on a decline, more steeply in the last few weeks.
Her easy going nature has just vanished; if I say white, she'll say black. No amount of encouragement will entice her to go out for a walk, sometimes she won't eat a meal - her favourite cheesy mushroom omelette just left on the plate.
And she back chats something terrible - 'Mum, don't forget to clean your teeth' says I, ' I've already cleaned them' says she. 'No mum, your toothbrush is still on the side of the basin with toothpaste on it' says I. 'Well, that must be somebody else's, because I've cleaned mine' and so we go round in circles.
Is this the normal path of dementia? Some days she's so awkward I would swear blind she's just trying to wind me up, which brings me back to Tuesday.
So, we'd had a tussle over her knickers - and I won that one! Clean pull-ups on and she was settled with a cup of tea.
I asked her if she knew who I was and she said, " Oh, you're just someone who's here all the time". I told her my name and that I was her daughter and she replied "So what".
I've suspected for a while that she'd lost the link of who OH and I are, but I was a bit taken aback to hear it said out loud.
In a way, it's opened the door to moving mum into respite for a week or two.
Apart from a couple of over-nighters when one or other of our daughters Grandma sat, OH and I haven't had a break in the four years mum has been with us. We had a particularly difficult 2020 and now that mum needs care 24/7, we are feeling very frazzled. Our lives seem to revolve around mum and what she wants or needs and OH and I haven't felt like a couple for months and months. The things I do for mum now, I wouldn't expect my girls to do, so the only option is a care home stay.
I know it's silly, but I've been very against putting her into respite, thinking she would miss us, miss being with us, but now I'm not so sure she'll even notice. The lady who runs our Memory cafe said to me that everyone deserves a break, so I'm going to toughen up a bit and put us first - which brings me to my question.
There is a care home very close to where we live, who will have a respite room available in a week's time and OH and I are going for a look around on Sunday.
This respite malarkey is all new to us and we've got a heap of questions BUT the sticking point is mum will have to be isolated for two weeks.
Can I ask if anyone has put their loved one through a care home isolation period; if so, did it have any adverse effects?
Now that I've accepted mum going into temporary care, to hear that she'll be confined to her room is making me rethink the whole situation, and to be honest, that little glimmer of excitement of time alone as a twosome is being snuffed out. The only option I can think of is a three week stay, so she would have a week spent with other residents, doing activities or whatever. But would three weeks away make it harder for her to settle back at home?
We're in a bit of a quandary and would be ever so grateful to hear your opinions please.