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Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,808
0
Hi @Dimpsy I'm so glad things are working out for you. You sent me a kind message when I was feeling quite low and encouraged me to get back to my knitting, which is almost complete now. Thank you. I hope you have a lovely time.
Hello @Justmary I'm so pleased that you are feeling happier, I still think of you when I'm knitting, have you got your next project planned? It's such a calming, repetitive motion, although my preference is sewing, pushing a needle through material is almost hypnotic and I can feel my blood pressure coming down. I thought if mum stays in the CH, I'm going to leave some knitting in her room as she likes to watch me.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,407
0
Southampton
Rant away @Snuffette, I haven't been on TP for a week and I hope your mum is on the mend. Isn't it shocking when behaviour changes so suddenly.
My mum has been in the home for two weeks now, and yes, you clever people, the belt is a handling belt, used to assist movement, although we were told it wasn't used for mum and couldn't think why it was in her room (?) we have given them the benefit of doubt, as all the things we have asked for have by and large been done, for instance putting shoes on during the day, not sitting in slippers and her hearing aids are in every day and the batteries are being changed.
We have visited mum every day and watched the change in her as she has settled a bit. She stayed in her room for ten days but is coming downstairs to be with the others now. Her stubbornness has gone and she lets the carers care -first shower this morning, so progress is being made.
We paid for another weeks respite, but it really feels as if mum has settled, the problem is me.

I'm finding it so difficult to let her go, the house feels empty without her and I hate the carers who are looking after her because it should be me.
OH and I have so much free time, it's extraordinary how much of our day and night was taken up with sorting mum out and we don't quite know what to do with ourselves.
I feel such a sense of loss, which is ridiculously stupid as she's alive and kicking not five minutes walk away and I can see her and take her out as much as I want.
Deep down, I am starting to think mum is in the best place now. We have talked to a local dementia care agency who said they would be able to take over mum's care if she came home (at a huge cost, mind you), but mum really enjoys the view and people watching from her window, she's as happy with the carers as she is with me and has plenty of people to talk to.
My best interest would be for mum to come home, we always hoped she would be with us for the duration, but being honest, mum's best interest is maybe to stay where she is.
I'm not a brave person, I've always been too soft for my own good. As many of you have said, it's the toughest of decisions to have to make, organising someone else's future life, so I'll have to dig deep and learn to share her. The home are having a Garden Party at the weekend to which we are invited, it will be an opportunity to see if mum really is settling.
i didn t like the thought of a restraining belt. she seems to have settled in nicely. its a big change and its going to take time for you to adapt like when children leave home. at least your mum is accepting care and having showers. your concerns have mainly been addressed. have a nice time at the garden party. there may well be more activities you are invited to in the summer which could broaden your knowing other residents families. you will have something in common. unlimited visiting so you get to be her daughter again instead of a carer
 
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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,178
0
South coast
The garden party sounds lovely, I do hope the weather holds!
Im glad the manager has addressed your concerns - that is a mark of a good home. It takes time for everyone to get used to someone moving into a care home. The resident has to get used to the new surroundings/routine/people, the home has to get used to their needs and quirks, and you have to get used to then being there too. It takes a lot of adjustment all round.

BTW, lots of things tend to go walkabout in dementia homes. There is not much you can do about it. I could quite picture another resident picking up the handling belt, popping in to say hello to your mum and just leaving the belt behind. Its definitely the sort of thing my mum would have done.
xxx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,407
0
Southampton
i didn t like the thought of a restraining belt. she seems to have settled in nicely. its a big change and its going to take time for you to adapt like when children leave home. at least your mum is accepting care and having showers. your concerns have mainly been addressed. have a nice time at the garden party. there may well be more activities you are invited to in the summer which could broaden your knowing other residents families. you will have something in common. unlimited visiting so you get to be her daughter again instead of a carer
im sorry if i caused offence, it should have read i didnt and i dont like the thought of restraining belt. i feel really bad if you thought i meant differently im sorry
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,808
0
im sorry if i caused offence, it should have read i didnt and i dont like the thought of restraining belt. i feel really bad if you thought i meant differently im sorry
Of course you didn't cause any offence @jennifer1967, I'm really grateful for your comments. It's strange isn't it, I worked in a care home, which was a lovely job, but it's very different when it's your own loved one who is in a home, you see things in a different light.
The Garden Party was fun.
Mum was dressed and downstairs, enjoying a Pims when I arrived (✓vg) but only one hearing aid in and was given a ham sandwich for tea; when are the words "she's a vegetarian" going to sink in?
On the plus side, she only needs one carer for dressing/going to bed and she seems to be using a walker. Mum's in for another week, but it seems inevitable that she won't be coming home. One of the carers sent me a video of the residents "chair dancing" to music and mum is clearly animated and joining in. It's that bit of filming that's keeping me going.
I
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,844
0
Dorset
Your reports sound good @Dimpsy and although you are finding it hard to undo the apron strings maybe this is where you have to let your Mum venture off out into a new world just as she had to do for you so many years ago, knowing it is probably the best thing for her but difficult for you!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,021
0
I think it's time to let go and let the home do the caring. the fact your mum is enjoying the activities and the garden party was fun are plus points. Do keep on about the hearing aids though, as you don't want her to be unnecessarily isolated. And as for the ham sandwich, I'd flag that up as well. I'm a vegan/vegetarian and I'd be very unhappy to be given a ham sandwich. I guess your mum doesn't have allergies but if she did carelessness around diets could be very serious indeed.
 

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