At the beginning of the year I knew the time had come to look at care homes for mum then the pandemic struck.
It was always going to be a tough decision to move her to a care home and something neither of us wanted but it’s what she needs. Given the risks and restrictions due to COVID-19 I decided to wait until things were a little more settled.
Lockdown has accelerate mums condition, no day care, trips out and having me in the house all the time. Now she wanders around all the time saying she’s frightened, terrified, can’t see, doesn’t know where she is and gets angry and chunters away, mostly cursing me ?. She gets separation anxiety and gets really upset and starts shouting if I don’t hear her and go to her straight away.
On top of this she’s started to get up throughout the night, not being able to find the toilet and it’s been hard to get her settled. It’s heartbreaking seeing her like this and increasingly difficult to deal with as I’m just not getting much sleep.
Last night was horrible. She got up at 12 pm, 1am, 2am. Each time I got her back to bed but after a while she’d get up again. Around 3am she came into my room, patting my bed, putting my glasses on moving things off the dresser, and she wouldn’t let me take her back to bed. She got angry, started shouting and grabbed my arms and wouldn't let go barring my way. I was so tired and my heart was pounding and it’s hard seeing my gentle laid back mum acting like this.
I’d spoken to an Admiral Nurse yesterday as I know she needs 24 hour care but also that she won’t go willingly. Today I was going to ring Adult Social Care and the GP to discuss the question of mental capacity.
After last night I decided to ring the memory clinic to see if they could help with mums distress before I rang the others. They had previously tried mum on Risperidone which didn’t agreed with her. Mum has vascular dementia and I knew there was no treatment but I was thinking of something like Valium. I was told there was nothing they could do.
I then rang Adult Social Care for a needs assessment and a Carers assessment. I was asked what I was expecting to get out of an assessment as if they did a needs assessment for mum then my needs would be dealt with, they didn’t offer gym membership anymore - as if I had the time or energy to go to a gym! Not being able to think straight through lack of sleep and this being new to me I didn’t know what to say. I gave my address and they said they don’t cover the area I lived in. Thank goodness.
The number I rang was given to me from the memory clinic but it was for the city ASC not the county ASC.
I then rang the correct number and got a better reception but it seems little point in involving them. As mum will be self funding at least at the beginning they said I could arrange a care home (which I already knew) and if they did it it would cost £400 and a yearly admin fee of £180. I said I was contacting them as I didn’t think mum would go willing to a care home and I had been told that she needed a mental capacity assessment. I was in tears by this time. I’ve been told the referral had been marked as priority and someone will call me in the next few days. I’ve no idea what they’ll ask as it seems there’s little or no support if you are self funding but hopefully I’ll get information about mums reluctance to move into care.
I then rang the GP and told them how upset mum was and what had happened last night and who’d I’d rang and what they said. The GP has offered to prescribe either Lorezepan or Mirtazapine. I’m ringing tomorrow after I’ve done a bit of research into these medications.
I’ve been looking after mum for over 5 years and have done the best that I can but now I’m out of my depth. I felt abandoned when she was first diagnosed (I’ve got bad news, you have vascular dementia. There is nothing we can do) and it’s been an uphill struggle ever since.
People say I’m strong but I’m not.
I hate, hate this cruel disease.
It was always going to be a tough decision to move her to a care home and something neither of us wanted but it’s what she needs. Given the risks and restrictions due to COVID-19 I decided to wait until things were a little more settled.
Lockdown has accelerate mums condition, no day care, trips out and having me in the house all the time. Now she wanders around all the time saying she’s frightened, terrified, can’t see, doesn’t know where she is and gets angry and chunters away, mostly cursing me ?. She gets separation anxiety and gets really upset and starts shouting if I don’t hear her and go to her straight away.
On top of this she’s started to get up throughout the night, not being able to find the toilet and it’s been hard to get her settled. It’s heartbreaking seeing her like this and increasingly difficult to deal with as I’m just not getting much sleep.
Last night was horrible. She got up at 12 pm, 1am, 2am. Each time I got her back to bed but after a while she’d get up again. Around 3am she came into my room, patting my bed, putting my glasses on moving things off the dresser, and she wouldn’t let me take her back to bed. She got angry, started shouting and grabbed my arms and wouldn't let go barring my way. I was so tired and my heart was pounding and it’s hard seeing my gentle laid back mum acting like this.
I’d spoken to an Admiral Nurse yesterday as I know she needs 24 hour care but also that she won’t go willingly. Today I was going to ring Adult Social Care and the GP to discuss the question of mental capacity.
After last night I decided to ring the memory clinic to see if they could help with mums distress before I rang the others. They had previously tried mum on Risperidone which didn’t agreed with her. Mum has vascular dementia and I knew there was no treatment but I was thinking of something like Valium. I was told there was nothing they could do.
I then rang Adult Social Care for a needs assessment and a Carers assessment. I was asked what I was expecting to get out of an assessment as if they did a needs assessment for mum then my needs would be dealt with, they didn’t offer gym membership anymore - as if I had the time or energy to go to a gym! Not being able to think straight through lack of sleep and this being new to me I didn’t know what to say. I gave my address and they said they don’t cover the area I lived in. Thank goodness.
The number I rang was given to me from the memory clinic but it was for the city ASC not the county ASC.
I then rang the correct number and got a better reception but it seems little point in involving them. As mum will be self funding at least at the beginning they said I could arrange a care home (which I already knew) and if they did it it would cost £400 and a yearly admin fee of £180. I said I was contacting them as I didn’t think mum would go willing to a care home and I had been told that she needed a mental capacity assessment. I was in tears by this time. I’ve been told the referral had been marked as priority and someone will call me in the next few days. I’ve no idea what they’ll ask as it seems there’s little or no support if you are self funding but hopefully I’ll get information about mums reluctance to move into care.
I then rang the GP and told them how upset mum was and what had happened last night and who’d I’d rang and what they said. The GP has offered to prescribe either Lorezepan or Mirtazapine. I’m ringing tomorrow after I’ve done a bit of research into these medications.
I’ve been looking after mum for over 5 years and have done the best that I can but now I’m out of my depth. I felt abandoned when she was first diagnosed (I’ve got bad news, you have vascular dementia. There is nothing we can do) and it’s been an uphill struggle ever since.
People say I’m strong but I’m not.
I hate, hate this cruel disease.