My husband is 91 and apart from dementia is as fit as a fiddle. I am 85, his full-time carer but my health is worsening. I have a cleaner and gardener and have managed everything else fairly well until recently. My energy levels are half of his and he is always asking me to drive him out to a pub. He refuses to go with anyone apart from the family. He easily accepts a 'no' from me but then will suggest going out an hour later, and so it goes on. The family take him out when they can but then he wants to go again a few hours after they bring him home.
The family are increasingly worried about me. They are planning a family meeting so they can sort out how best to help and have asked me to make a list of the things I need help with. I know this seems a stupid question but I'm racking my brains to think of anything.
I have just had to start showering him daily, which embarrasses him as he says he doesn't need help so I know he would never accept a carer coming in to do anything personal for him. He doesn't need help with feeding, toileting etc, yet, and he got too anxious when I tried to introduce a 'be-friender'. He is just content to be with me.
The only thing I struggle with is the sense of isolation, sitting here all day worrying about his health, my health, and what will happen to us in the future. If I say this to my loving family they going to feel guilty and upset that due to their own work and family commitments they can't do more.
I have told them for years that they should only visit when they want to and that I never expect them to come out of duty. Now it seems like I'm piling the guilt on them and forcing them to do just that.
This seems like a stupid question considering what bigger traumas other folk on here are dealing with but I think I need an outside view please.
The family are increasingly worried about me. They are planning a family meeting so they can sort out how best to help and have asked me to make a list of the things I need help with. I know this seems a stupid question but I'm racking my brains to think of anything.
I have just had to start showering him daily, which embarrasses him as he says he doesn't need help so I know he would never accept a carer coming in to do anything personal for him. He doesn't need help with feeding, toileting etc, yet, and he got too anxious when I tried to introduce a 'be-friender'. He is just content to be with me.
The only thing I struggle with is the sense of isolation, sitting here all day worrying about his health, my health, and what will happen to us in the future. If I say this to my loving family they going to feel guilty and upset that due to their own work and family commitments they can't do more.
I have told them for years that they should only visit when they want to and that I never expect them to come out of duty. Now it seems like I'm piling the guilt on them and forcing them to do just that.
This seems like a stupid question considering what bigger traumas other folk on here are dealing with but I think I need an outside view please.