Hello all.
Mum is 80, increasingly frail, and has mixed dementia, diagnosed this spring. She seems to have gone downhill incredibly quickly this year. We have been trying to buy a flat in a retirement block near me and her grandchildren, but there have been delays and delays. However, we've gone ahead with the sale of her house so she can be nearer to us and for the meantime she will be staying in a residential home that specialises in elderly and dementia care. It might be respite care for a couple of weeks or so, but also it might turn out to be a longer term plan, given her increasing need for support.
However, she strongly disagrees with her diagnosis and does not even really identify as elderly. We went to visit the care home yesterday so she could be assessed and she was horrified to see a place 'full of sad old ladies'. I'm a bit gutted because the previous time I'd visited, it had seemed a lot more upbeat and less like a care home - I guess afternoons are maybe a bit livelier than mornings. She was fine about it yesterday, chipper even, but I think she's just being brave for now and I'm really not sure how she'll respond to actually moving in.
I'm not sure what my question is really, but I just feel awful about all of this. I'm trying to do the right thing for her, because I want her to be safe and happy. On a good day, she's good. But she's very, very forgetful and has not been managing well on her own in her current/soon-to-be-former house, and I'm not convinced she'd be able to manage on her own in a new flat, even with daily carer visits (she often has refused to let them in in her current home). Having said all of that, she has been living on her own so I don't know if I'm being fair.
But I feel a bit like we've sprung this on her because she was expecting to move into a flat. She'd like to move in with me and my family, but my other half and I work so she'd be on her own quite a lot, and we have two small kids, a load of stairs and I worry about her being safe on her own here during the day and whether my household would be safe with her habits of leaving front doors open and letting food burn on the hob.
I wish there was a care home that didn't feel so much like a care home. What will I do if she hates it? I feel like I'm letting her down but I honestly can't see another solution that works right now.
If anyone has had a similar experience, or has any general advice, I'd really appreciate hearing it. Thanks so much.
Mum is 80, increasingly frail, and has mixed dementia, diagnosed this spring. She seems to have gone downhill incredibly quickly this year. We have been trying to buy a flat in a retirement block near me and her grandchildren, but there have been delays and delays. However, we've gone ahead with the sale of her house so she can be nearer to us and for the meantime she will be staying in a residential home that specialises in elderly and dementia care. It might be respite care for a couple of weeks or so, but also it might turn out to be a longer term plan, given her increasing need for support.
However, she strongly disagrees with her diagnosis and does not even really identify as elderly. We went to visit the care home yesterday so she could be assessed and she was horrified to see a place 'full of sad old ladies'. I'm a bit gutted because the previous time I'd visited, it had seemed a lot more upbeat and less like a care home - I guess afternoons are maybe a bit livelier than mornings. She was fine about it yesterday, chipper even, but I think she's just being brave for now and I'm really not sure how she'll respond to actually moving in.
I'm not sure what my question is really, but I just feel awful about all of this. I'm trying to do the right thing for her, because I want her to be safe and happy. On a good day, she's good. But she's very, very forgetful and has not been managing well on her own in her current/soon-to-be-former house, and I'm not convinced she'd be able to manage on her own in a new flat, even with daily carer visits (she often has refused to let them in in her current home). Having said all of that, she has been living on her own so I don't know if I'm being fair.
But I feel a bit like we've sprung this on her because she was expecting to move into a flat. She'd like to move in with me and my family, but my other half and I work so she'd be on her own quite a lot, and we have two small kids, a load of stairs and I worry about her being safe on her own here during the day and whether my household would be safe with her habits of leaving front doors open and letting food burn on the hob.
I wish there was a care home that didn't feel so much like a care home. What will I do if she hates it? I feel like I'm letting her down but I honestly can't see another solution that works right now.
If anyone has had a similar experience, or has any general advice, I'd really appreciate hearing it. Thanks so much.