Hello All,
I am new to this forum but desperately searching around for advice.
I am full-timer carer for my mum. She is 83 years old, with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
Recently she has deteriorated. She is becoming more labile in her moods, poor prone to getting upset and crying. She usually cannot tell my why.
She is also increasingly suspicious/ feels that others don't like her/ thinks she doesn't like others.
We are supposed to be going to her sisters for Christmas. It is a 3 hour drive and we will need to stay at least 2 nights. Her sister has a very large family. There will be at least 50 people for Christmas Lunch!
Mum does not want to go. I think it is exhausting and confusing for her. She cannot remember who most people are - even her sister at times (who for some reason she has begun exhibiting animosity toward). She does not like not being in her own bed. She feels overlooked and ignored at gatherings and she cannot really participate as she can't hold a conversation and others don't really get that, so she is actually ignored a bit in reality.
I don't know if I should try to make her go or not. I have to admit, a lot of my worry comes from the feeling her family doesn't really understand how she feels, how upsetting it is for her, or the extent of her dementia. I feel like they won't understand if I say we can't go, but I feel I should do what is best for mum - or is it best to basically force her to engage socially (forcing people to do anything sounds terrible). This may be the last Christmas we can even consider going, given mum's increaslingly rapid decline. Her sister recently had a stroke and heart attack, which she has recovered quite well from, but it ads to the feeling of guilt I have about going.
Maybe I could suggest we visit at a less busy time?
Does anyone have any advice?
Thankyou
I am new to this forum but desperately searching around for advice.
I am full-timer carer for my mum. She is 83 years old, with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
Recently she has deteriorated. She is becoming more labile in her moods, poor prone to getting upset and crying. She usually cannot tell my why.
She is also increasingly suspicious/ feels that others don't like her/ thinks she doesn't like others.
We are supposed to be going to her sisters for Christmas. It is a 3 hour drive and we will need to stay at least 2 nights. Her sister has a very large family. There will be at least 50 people for Christmas Lunch!
Mum does not want to go. I think it is exhausting and confusing for her. She cannot remember who most people are - even her sister at times (who for some reason she has begun exhibiting animosity toward). She does not like not being in her own bed. She feels overlooked and ignored at gatherings and she cannot really participate as she can't hold a conversation and others don't really get that, so she is actually ignored a bit in reality.
I don't know if I should try to make her go or not. I have to admit, a lot of my worry comes from the feeling her family doesn't really understand how she feels, how upsetting it is for her, or the extent of her dementia. I feel like they won't understand if I say we can't go, but I feel I should do what is best for mum - or is it best to basically force her to engage socially (forcing people to do anything sounds terrible). This may be the last Christmas we can even consider going, given mum's increaslingly rapid decline. Her sister recently had a stroke and heart attack, which she has recovered quite well from, but it ads to the feeling of guilt I have about going.
Maybe I could suggest we visit at a less busy time?
Does anyone have any advice?
Thankyou
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