At the end of my tether...

[Bunpoots]

You'd you don't sound selfish at all @vicx . People who haven't had to care for someone with dementia have no idea how hard it is. I find it's not this shopping or laundry or gardening that gets me down (although it does) so much as having to deal with the total lack of empathy from my dad. Especially as he tells everyone he's fine and does everything for himself

I'm self employed so I haven't had to give up work, but I'm earning less than 1/2 of what I used to and struggle with juggling my time!

It took a long time for me to get any useful input from social services and I found I got a better response from emailing than phoning. I assume because it left a "paper trail" of sorts and it wasn't so easy to fob me off. I did tell them I was walking away if I didn't get support soon (I wouldn't have but they didn't know that!)

Have you asked for a carers assessment for yourself as well as a care assessment for your mum? You're entitled to one. I think you need to keep prodding SS as those who make most noise get attention first. You definitely sound as though you need help.

I hope you're over your bug. Being ill makes it even harder to cope.

 

[Amy in the US]

Sometimes, Dr Google is not reassuring or helpful. I'm sorry.

I didn't get to the care home this past week. I was sick all week and didn't want to take my germs there (never mind that I probably got them from the care home in the first place!) and then my cousin was visiting over the weekend. When I manage to get there (not sure with work schedule this week) I will see what I find!

 

[Bunpoots]

Sometimes, Dr Google is not reassuring or helpful. I'm sorry.

I didn't get to the care home this past week. I was sick all week and didn't want to take my germs there (never mind that I probably got them from the care home in the first place!) and then my cousin was visiting over the weekend. When I manage to get there (not sure with work schedule this week) I will see what I find!

No. Dr Google was definitely not reassuring. But I've just been to see dad and he seems a little brighter today. They've had him on his feet. He took a few steps with the zimmer and was then exhausted. I'm glad they've not just given up on him. I'm hoping he'll get stronger.

He was making more sense today. Just very tired. I didn't stay long.

I hope you're feeling better now!

 

[Cazzita]

@Cazzita . It was dad's incontinence that broke me. Especially the mind-boggling lack of understanding that he was incontinent!!! I think dementia, incontinence and denial are an impossible combination. I had to get professional carer's in at that point.

Definitely get in touch with the incontinence clinic. It took a few months from referral to actually getting help for dad and what started as a trickle soon became a flood...

OMG, I just can't bear it. Horrible all round for everyone. Incontinence clinic - let's hope there is one in my town - is the next thing on my list. Thanks so much xx

 

[Cazzita]

Thank you for caring it means a lot.

Anytime @BLIP, anytime xx

 

[Cazzita]

It sounds like a referral to the continence clinic is in order @Cazzita
Maybe time to look at pull-ups?

Hello @canary, do you mean different pants to Tena Lady pants? Yes, I will definitely be looking the clinic up tomorrow. Thank you xx

 

[Bunpoots]

Dad's being discharged from hospital today. I hope he's OK. I haven't seen him yet today, and won't until tomorrow. My brother is going to fetch him and I've organised an extra care visit.

I have an appointment with the chiropractor and then I've got to wait for my helicopter fridge/freezer to be repaired.

 

[canary]

I hope hes OK too.

 

[try again]

Just to say my mum had blood tests and has been given folic acid. We shall she how much effect it has. It's certainly made her more assertive today (not that that particular character trait needs any improving!). #doingmyheadin

 

[Rolypoly]

Fingers crossed for you.

 

[Bunpoots]

Well... I eventually managed to get dad home from hospital yesterday. Chocolate teapot brother made his excuses and didn't fetch him. It was left to me as usual

I could have done with brothers muscles when we got back to dad's - I really struggled to get him out of the car. Don't know what my chiropractor would say - he told me to keep weight off my knee as much as possible for the next week or two ( and I'd only left his office 3hrs before ). I had my weight and dad's on it too

Dad is really confused and upset because he really has no idea where he is. I hope it comes back to him, or at least he settles back into being comfortable wih his surroundings. He keeps his eyes shut a lot now - I think to shut out the world

He's eating again now, and drinking a but he's so frail. If he doesn't improve I can see him ending up back in hospital.
I don't think I'll be bringing him to mine for Sunday dinner anymore. I'll have to take Sunday dinner to him instead.

 

[Grannie G]

Its a big worry for you @Bunhoots.

Be careful of that knee.

When my husband went into residential care I had to have months of osteopathy for back pain. Since I have stopped being a carer my back pain is 100% controllable.

 

[Bunpoots]

Its a big worry for you @Bunhoots.

Be careful of that knee.

When my husband went into residential care I had to have months of osteopathy for back pain. Since I have stopped being a carer my back pain is 100% controllable.

It's amazing how much we don't notice what caring is doing to us - until the load is lifted - literally!!!

I assumed my knee problems were caused by getting older and fatter but it's a strange coincidence that it's the knee on the side that dad always holds my arm on...

Apparently I have a bad back on that side too, but as that doesn't hurt I would never had known!

I went to the chiropractor's with a bad knee and came out with a bad knee, a bad back, and 2 bad ankles!! It's still only the knee that hurts

 

[Grannie G]

It's still only the knee that hurts

Don't let it become the ankle and back that hurt too.

When Dhiren was at home with me, lifting his legs to put socks and shoes on and when I walked with him, little did I realise how much he leaned on me. It all played havoc with my spine.

When he was in residential care and I visited him I always leaned towards him. Doing this daily put my spine out of sync.

It was only after he died everything came to a head.

The photo shows how I leaned towards him and day in and day out was damaging.

 

[love.dad.but..]

It's amazing how much we don't notice what caring is doing to us - until the load is lifted - literally!!!

I assumed my knee problems were caused by getting older and fatter but it's a strange coincidence that it's the knee on the side that dad always holds my arm on...

Apparently I have a bad back on that side too, but as that doesn't hurt I would never had known!

I went to the chiropractor's with a bad knee and came out with a bad knee, a bad back, and 2 bad ankles!! It's still only the knee that hurts

And your posture has probably changed as you accommodate his leaning which puts stress on different parts of your body so try to be careful...easier said than done I know when you have to be proactive and reactive. I have a bad back so have to be careful but once when dad almost fell I instinctively awkwardly grabbed him and for a few days my back suffered. Family.... I hope your dad settles to a satisfactory degree...I can't remember...does he have a care package as well as you going in?

 

[Duggies-girl]

Well... I eventually managed to get dad home from hospital yesterday. Chocolate teapot brother made his excuses and didn't fetch him. It was left to me as usual

I could have done with brothers muscles when we got back to dad's - I really struggled to get him out of the car. Don't know what my chiropractor would say - he told me to keep weight off my knee as much as possible for the next week or two ( and I'd only left his office 3hrs before ). I had my weight and dad's on it too

Dad is really confused and upset because he really has no idea where he is. I hope it comes back to him, or at least he settles back into being comfortable wih his surroundings. He keeps his eyes shut a lot now - I think to shut out the world

He's eating again now, and drinking a but he's so frail. If he doesn't improve I can see him ending up back in hospital.
I don't think I'll be bringing him to mine for Sunday dinner anymore. I'll have to take Sunday dinner to him instead.

Well I am glad you got him home @Bunpoots and I hope he settles down. I don't bring dad to my house anymore as I think he likes to stay in his own place. He too is very frail and I think he just feels safe and comfortable in his own home. You need to listen to your chiroparctor and take care of your knee or you will be no good for anyone. I know what it is like though when you don't get any help.

 

[Bunpoots]

It's a lovely photo @Grannie G. I tend to sit leaning to one side - just like that! My daughter's bad back, which was caused by her posture and a job which involved a lot of lifting has made me more aware of the way I sit so I swap sides when I remember!!

I was surprised when the chiropractor said I had a back problem I had no idea! Not so surprised about the ankles as they do twinge occasionally.

Dad has a care package @love.dad.but.. it's been upped to 4 times a day for the next 2 days - but I might have to make that permanent!
I'm glad he's home, but worried. Im at work for the next three days so difficult to see him. I know the carers will let me know if there's a problem.

I know I need to do as I'm told @Duggies-girl but with a useless brother what's the chance of that ?

My sister's on holiday so no help there either

 

[Rolypoly]

Bet that visit made you feel young...not. I’ve got a pair of crutches you can use to help take the weight off your knee. I know, about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Seriously though, do take care of your body.

It will take a while for your dad to reacclimatise, hopefully he will not feel up to misbehaving whilst you are at work. Could you suggest to your brother that he pops in, after all he didn’t pick up from hospital as promised?

BTW @Grannie G thats a lovely photo.

 

[Izzy]

I never tire of seeing that photo Sylvia. You and Dhiren made a handsome couple.

I spent a lot of time with Bill in the same pose. My left side has suffered.

 

[imsoblue]

View attachment 59717

Don't let it become the ankle and back that hurt too.

When Dhiren was at home with me, lifting his legs to put socks and shoes on and when I walked with him, little did I realise how much he leaned on me. It all played havoc with my spine.

When he was in residential care and I visited him I always leaned towards him. Doing this daily put my spine out of sync.

It was only after he died everything came to a head.

The photo shows how I leaned towards him and day in and day out was damaging.

How beautiful to see this! Thank you for sharing.