Elle3
Registered User
Hi emp I think there comes a point when you stop being able to reason with people with Dementia or the very stubborn elderly, I know because I had the same problems with my dad. So instead of asking him and trying to reason with him, I would usually just tell him what was going to happen and normally I always blamed someone else. My dad also hated his GP so he was a good one to blame, as well as the Police. I learnt to be quite devious when it came to dealing with my dad it was the only way I could get him to accept things.I put the cleaner idea to mum, but she doesn't think it will work. Nan doesn't see the point in mum cleaning so she probably won't accept it and they're both grumbling at the meals on wheels. I've suggested to mum maybe we don't involve nan and just talk things over with granddad, as hard as that is she doesn't see why it might be helpful, and I've suggested maybe we try what several others on here have tried with the cleaner that it's someone looking for a job so we're helping out a bit. Mum thinks my grandparents won't even let them in with nan being so paranoid and granddad being stubborn so that idea has gone down like a lead balloon. Thanks for the suggestion anyway, it was worth a shot. I'll see if I can keep working at it gently.
Mum's invisible sibling seems to be implying mum should be doing more to help out with making sure they eat. I'm sorry, but she already ensures they go out twice a week, cooks for them on a Sunday and plates them a meal for the next day and I've been trying to get ready meals in for them and taking them out myself when I can so I'm not sure what else this sibling expects. How about them getting down themselves and pitching in?! Arrrghh so frustrating!
I feel so sad with everything that is going on because there is no easy solution to all of this. I feel sad for my mum that she feels under all this pressure and I'm limited to what I can do around work. I'm doing what I can and I've offered to take time off to contribute more, but mum says I shouldn't have to sacrifice my time when there are others who are retired who could help out and are choosing not to. And I feel sad for my nan at the centre of it all feeling that no one comes to see her and that everyone is against her.
Just a thought regarding the cleaner, could your mum not introduce the cleaner as a friend of hers just helping her out whilst her foot heals. She could bring along the ‘friend’ for a coffee and a chat the first time, no cleaning and see how it goes. The next time the friend comes with your mum and does a bit of cleaning and just keep introducing her gradually to see how it goes.
I hope you work things out, take care. Elle x