Thank you everyone for your support and your fantastic advice, in particular
@Scriv for making me think assertively and
@Malalie for the video clip on how to see their behaviour differently.
This is how it went today, sorry it's lengthy.
I'm pleased to say that the Social worker is definitely on our side and is looking out for dads best interests. The meeting at the care home this morning, with the Manager and Social worker went as well as could be expected and we are all thinking about what is best for dad and how to keep him safe and secure and the SW said the last thing she wants is for dad to get passed from home to home.
The care home gave dad half a Lorazepam tablet last night about 5pm in order to relax him and help him sleep which seemed to work, although they said he was up twice in the night and was slightly incontinent. They said as dad is not used to taking medication they would rather avoid increasing the dosage and if anything both the Care Home Manager and Social worker agreed that medication is not the answer for dad, which is good to know.
It seems that the reason the GP said he was incorrectly placed was because of what the care home Manager told them. In all honesty I still believe if dad just accepted where he is and stopped trying to escape this would be the right home for him and they agreed.
The Social worker has requested an urgent assessment of dad by the Mental Health team and that should be done within 72 hours, they are going to get his bloods checked and try to test to see if he's got a urine infection and they are applying for an urgent DOLS.
The Manager said most of the problems with dad trying to get out of the building seem to occur from 12pm onwards into the afternoon and then he calms again around 6pm and accepts getting ready and going to bed around 9pm. She feels for the afternoon, dad requires one to one attention and as they do not have the staff to do this, they will have to get an agency nurse in to do this as long as I agree to the additional cost, which is around £15/hr, I of course had to agree. This will continue until I can find him another care home. If he was to stay at this home and required full time one to one, then his fees would double, which would be awfully expensive to keep him there. They did mention the NHS continuing care scheme could help with this if dad requires it long term.
The Social worker then stepped in about the agency nurse and said that she would require a daily report of the actual hours and what this person has to do, as I shouldn't have to pay for more hours than required. She said she would be asking for this if the council had to pay, so expects the same and she will monitor it for me, which is good to know.
We also discussed dad's compulsion to try and get out and wanting to get money. We have come up with a strategy to try and distract and occupy dad by giving him jobs to do in the home, ie sweeping up, gardening, doing a bit of washing up etc, anything to try and stop him being bored and wanting to leave. The Manager is going to do a job sheet for him and when he's completed the jobs they will pay him for the work, ie. he will go to the office and they will give him a pay packet with some money in it, (they have also ordered some fake cash to see if that works). I have also given dad his wallet back with just £20 in £5 notes in it just in case this has been a bit of a trigger for him wanting to get money, due to having none. So I've said if dad offers to pay for his lunch they should accept the money and later they can give him the money back as his wages, so the money continues to be circulated. Also if it gets lost or goes missing it's only £20.
After the meeting I went and sat with dad for a while, he wasn't happy today, but neither was he walking around trying to get out. He actually seemed a bit more talkative and with-it. However, he did tell me he now wants to go home, no mention of the bank, just home. He said he's fed up and bored, there's nothing to do. So we talked about the work he can do in the home and he can get paid for doing it. One minute he seemed quite positive about this, next he said they couldn't make him do anything. Also today one minute he was convinced he was still in the army and then the next still a bricklayer. When I said I had to go he seemed fine and willingly said bye.
I have also visited two EMI nursing homes today, they were just OK, I don't know if it's just me, but some care homes just seem so cold, clinical and lifeless. Also, now that I'm having to think about dad's safety and keeping him secure, my questions have certainly had to be different and I've had to be more aware of their security, ie cameras, alarms, sensors, locks etc. Both homes I viewed did not convince me they would be any better equipped than the home he is currently in, especially if dad is determined to escape. One home is on a busy main road and they have a very small garden with a wooden fence, which to be honest I could imagine dad trying to break down or try using the bench which was against it to try and climb over. I also was not convinced by the people who showed me around that they would be able to handle dad as he is now, one carer seemed quite bemused by what I was saying and asking, especially when I tell them he is 81.
The problem is there are not that many EMI nursing homes either near to me or within my dads LA, especially with vacancies and I seem to be rapidly running out of options, which isn't good.