Sleep patterns

[Mily24]

Hi
My mum has early onset alzheimers, she has started going to bed at 6pm. She has a little dog that's aging and can not cope with being locked in a room from 6pm until 9am without being let out. We have tried everything to try and keep her up for an extra hour, phone calls, calling in etc to no avail. I live 1 1/2 hours away from my mum and even tried to stay on the phone with her for an hour, but she just cuts me off and unplugs the phone.
I've bought her a clock that tells her the time of day and its has an alarm for bedtime, ive left posters up asking her to let the dog out, but she just doesn't look at them no matter how obvious!
She has carers, but they literally come in do her meds and go, they say they have let the dog out, but I'm not sure they do. The dog is wetting the bed every night. Any advice would be helpful. Ps I have booked a vets appointment, but they have already said she needs to go out more. The dog is my mums world so I cant rehome her.

 

[Batsue]

You can get dog nappies, I used them on an elderly jack russel when we were canal boating and could not risk him getting caught short.

 

[love.dad.but..]

This suggestion is dependant on a lot of factors of how receptive or safe your mum would feel to do it...but can anyone pop in late evening and either walk the dog or let out into the garden or pay a dog walker to do same

 

[Mily24]

You can get dog nappies, I used them on an elderly jack russel when we were canal boating and could not risk him getting caught short.

I did think of that, but then my mum may take them off her, which she is likely to do or possibly not take them off her in the morning.

 

[Mily24]

This suggestion is dependant on a lot of factors of how receptive or safe your mum would feel to do it...but can anyone pop in late evening and either walk the dog or let out into the garden or pay a dog walker to do same

The dog sleeps in my mums room, it would mean a stranger going into her bedroom at night, not sure how she would react to that. Its a good idea if I can get a reliable walker that my mum likes.

 

[MorryLou]

Hi
We are in the same situation , having dogs and my mum who has mild dementia lives with us. What I would say is that though you are just about hanging on to the situation as it stands, it will only get worse. My mum also goes to bed early and has started to go even earlier.
We have got to the stage where I can't leave the dogs alone with my mum.
She wouldn't remember to let them out and she wouldn't recognise if they had soiled the floor either. She tries to feed them inappropriate foods and basically can't look after them.
Even though this little dog is aging and is used to your mum, please see that it's needs are not being met. It is wetting the bed, which is not only unhygienic, but it is a sign of stress.
Hope you find a way to keep mum and dog happy.

 

[Mily24]

Hi
We are in the same situation , having dogs and my mum who has mild dementia lives with us. What I would say is that though you are just about hanging on to the situation as it stands, it will only get worse. My mum also goes to bed early and has started to go even earlier.
We have got to the stage where I can't leave the dogs alone with my mum.
She wouldn't remember to let them out and she wouldn't recognise if they had soiled the floor either. She tries to feed them inappropriate foods and basically can't look after them.
Even though this little dog is aging and is used to your mum, please see that it's needs are not being met. It is wetting the bed, which is not only unhygienic, but it is a sign of stress.
Hope you find a way to keep mum and dog happy.

Thank you for your reply. At the moment it feels like I am holding on to many threads with my mum. Id hoped that there could be a different answer regards the dog, my mum would be devastated if I had to rehome her and I am not sure the dog would cope either. I have booked an appointment at the vets this week I will see what they say.

 

[Amy in the US]

The only solution I can think of is to employ someone to come to the house and let the dog out, both in the late evening and early morning.

You can have a key safe fitted so your mum doesn't have to let them in.

You could have the bedroom door removed, so she can't shut the dog in at night. (Not to say that she might not barricade the doorway with furniture or something, but possibly worth a try.)

Or, find the dog a new home. I appreciative that your mother won't respond well to this but the animal deserves to be well looked after. Dementia and pet ownership can be a tricky mix, even when the person with dementia doesn't live alone.

I've done the long distance carer thing and it's tough, you have my sympathies. You might have greater peace of mind if you considered increasing the support your mum is getting: sitters, carers more often and for a longer period of time, a cleaner, day care/lunch club, and so on.

Hope you find a solution. Best wishes.

 

[Shedrech]

I wonder whether your mum might stay up a bit longer if you could arrange a dog walker for around 6pm (no idea whether any will work that late) so she lets the dog out with the walker and waits to go to bed until the dog is back
could the dog at least sleep in a dog bed either on the bed if your mum insists or beside her bed - then if the dog wets, at least it's not on your mum's bed - who cleans up after it every morning? your mum's bed and bedclothes will be soiled too - is it definitely only the dog wetting the bed ie is your mum covering with an excuse?

 

[MorryLou]

I think it is an excellent idea to get the dog checked over. The vet may have some other ideas to help the situation as they may have encountered it before. Take care!

 

[Mily24]

The only solution I can think of is to employ someone to come to the house and let the dog out, both in the late evening and early morning.

You can have a key safe fitted so your mum doesn't have to let them in.

You could have the bedroom door removed, so she can't shut the dog in at night. (Not to say that she might not barricade the doorway with furniture or something, but possibly worth a try.)

Or, find the dog a new home. I appreciative that your mother won't respond well to this but the animal deserves to be well looked after. Dementia and pet ownership can be a tricky mix, even when the person with dementia doesn't live alone.

I've done the long distance carer thing and it's tough, you have my sympathies. You might have greater peace of mind if you considered increasing the support your mum is getting: sitters, carers more often and for a longer period of time, a cleaner, day care/lunch club, and so on.

Hope you find a solution. Best wishes.

I have a key safe already for her carers to use. I have tried to get her to day centres, lunch club etc, but she just won't go, she folds her arms and closes her eyes to anything that she does'nt like....which is a lot! The dog was my dads, I do not want to have to re-home her, but I have to do whats best for the dog and my mum. I have tried a dog sitter, but I've been let down on several occasions. My mum has some weeks were she is more stubborn than others I don't know if this is a common trait or not. Hopefully the vet will have some advice, she has a memory assessment next week so I have a list of questions for them too.
Thank you for your advice

 

[Mily24]

I think it is an excellent idea to get the dog checked over. The vet may have some other ideas to help the situation as they may have encountered it before. Take care!

Thank you! Hopefully he will

 

[Mily24]

I wonder whether your mum might stay up a bit longer if you could arrange a dog walker for around 6pm (no idea whether any will work that late) so she lets the dog out with the walker and waits to go to bed until the dog is back
could the dog at least sleep in a dog bed either on the bed if your mum insists or beside her bed - then if the dog wets, at least it's not on your mum's bed - who cleans up after it every morning? your mum's bed and bedclothes will be soiled too - is it definitely only the dog wetting the bed ie is your mum covering with an excuse?

I have tried every day to get her to stay up later, I have tried ringing her every twenty mins to remind he to stay up, she just unplugs the phone. The carers change her bedding every day, I have a waterproof cover on her duvet and an endless supply of bedding. It is the dog thats wetting the bed and her own bed.

Thank you for your help

 

[Mily24]

I took my mums dog to the vets and she is going to do some blood tests, she needs some teeth out etc, but she has suggested the thought of rehoming her. I have been so upset all weekend about this. I went to mums on Saturday as always with food and to clean the house do errands etc and bearing in mind my mum goes to bed around 6.30pm, my mum was up eating breakfast I asked where the dog was and she replied "what dog" I found the dog locked in her room! It breaks my heart as the dog has been her whole life since my dog died and now she thinks my dad is still alive and doesn't recognise the dog! Can anyone suggest the best way to re-home her? Do I explain what I have done and why or do I just take everything of the dogs and not say anything, except maybe tell her she's at the vets or groomers if she asks....will this pacify her enough or will she be upset? The reason I am so upset is more the symbolism of it all, the dog is my last link to my dad also she's getting worse, all the questions are coming up now, how long until I have to move her out of her home. She has a memory assessment this week so I guess I have some questions for them...its just so horrible.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Mily24
a sad decision for you to make
I do think though that the fact that your mum had forgotten about the dog is an important indicator - it isn't fair on any animal to be locked in a room and forgotten, and who knows what might happen during the times you aren't there eg locked out and forgotten - so for me that's the signal to put the dog's needs to the front
can you speak to the vet and ask what the process is? - and then do it without discussing it with your mum, which isn't easy on you but may be better for your mum than setting up a negative emotion that she may return to - and then if she does ask, say you took the dog to the vets, which isn't a lie exactly, just fudges the timescale
I'm sorry that this will mean that you lose the dog too

 

[Mily24]

hi @Mily24
a sad decision for you to make
I do think though that the fact that your mum had forgotten about the dog is an important indicator - it isn't fair on any animal to be locked in a room and forgotten, and who knows what might happen during the times you aren't there eg locked out and forgotten - so for me that's the signal to put the dog's needs to the front
can you speak to the vet and ask what the process is? - and then do it without discussing it with your mum, which isn't easy on you but may be better for your mum than setting up a negative emotion that she may return to - and then if she does ask, say you took the dog to the vets, which isn't a lie exactly, just fudges the timescale
I'm sorry that this will mean that you lose the dog too

Thank you for replying
After speaking to her carers and the memory service they feel that taking the dog away is the best option and to tell my mum as you said that she has gone for a walk, at the vets etc etc until there comes a time that she will stop asking about her. I'm concerned she may think she's let her out and can't find her so go looking for the dog, she is quite housebound and tends not to leave the living room very often unless taken out by someone, but I guess its possible.
The dog will be going to visit someone who will potentionally be a new owner (I need to make sure she's happy wherever I put her) prior to re-homing.

 

[Shedrech]

not easy for you, @Mily24 but best for your mum's dog - I'm glad there's a potential new owner already and hope you find you are happy with the new home - you will then be sure the dog will live out the rest of it's life as cherished as she has always been

 

[Tin]

You are doing the right thing, in the end rehoming or you taking the dog to your home are the only options. I moved my mum and her little dog in with me. Both needed looking after, mums deterioration had knock on effects for the dog and their home became a mess and unsafe for both of them. After my dad's death, mum became obsessed with her dog and although it was a comfort to her, the dog was suffering from all the over protective attention. wrong kind of care, etc.

It has not been easy, after 4 years mum is still obsessed with the dog, but at least I am here to step in and the dog now looks to me for everything. over the years the dog has stopped sleeping on mum's bed and rarely sits next to her. We have a vet appointment coming up, little dog needs all teeth removing and 2 lumps looked at. I have known about these things for some time, but have not had the strength to leave dog at vet's for operation, but it is now the eleventh hour I have to do this, worries me because for a long time mum has never been separated from her and the dog is not young, no options this has to be done.

Again, you are doing the right thing as painful and upsetting as this is for you. Hopefully the rehoming will be a success and you will be able to keep in touch with 'new family'. Brace yourself though, because you will be bombarded with the questions about where the dog is, try to stay strong. Let us know how things go.

 

[love.dad.but..]

With good care the dog will settle and your mum will gradually adjust and likely forget once she runs out of steam with her questions. So be ready for her to be pushing her repeat button! However you have made the right decision for both

 

[Mily24]

You are doing the right thing, in the end rehoming or you taking the dog to your home are the only options. I moved my mum and her little dog in with me. Both needed looking after, mums deterioration had knock on effects for the dog and their home became a mess and unsafe for both of them. After my dad's death, mum became obsessed with her dog and although it was a comfort to her, the dog was suffering from all the over protective attention. wrong kind of care, etc.

It has not been easy, after 4 years mum is still obsessed with the dog, but at least I am here to step in and the dog now looks to me for everything. over the years the dog has stopped sleeping on mum's bed and rarely sits next to her. We have a vet appointment coming up, little dog needs all teeth removing and 2 lumps looked at. I have known about these things for some time, but have not had the strength to leave dog at vet's for operation, but it is now the eleventh hour I have to do this, worries me because for a long time mum has never been separated from her and the dog is not young, no options this has to be done.

Again, you are doing the right thing as painful and upsetting as this is for you. Hopefully the rehoming will be a success and you will be able to keep in touch with 'new family'. Brace yourself though, because you will be bombarded with the questions about where the dog is, try to stay strong. Let us know how things go.

Thanks
I didn't think it would be so hard, mums Alzheimer's has deteriorated so quickly I've hardly had chance to take it all in. She loves the dog and tells me she's her whole world and even said it would kill her not to have the dog. This breaks my heart, I am really worried in case it makes her worse.