Hi everyone, am in a bit of shock. Mum's 81 (Vasc Dem & Alz) and has been in NH a few months. I noticed in the last 10 days or so she's hardly eating, being difficult with medication taking, and getting more angry, she's normally so placid. So I just put it down to maybe another downturn phase in the dementia. Nurses and carers all noticed this and have kept me updated so no qualms there, they are wonderful. I go in every day and they keep me fully up to date what she's eaten, what upsets her etc.
Last week GP suggested blood tests and he had a quiet word with me yesterday. Said markers suggest malignancy somewhere. I said do you mean cancer, he said it was very likely. No lump in boobs, but to determine it would of course mean xrays, tests (colonoscopy, endoscopy etc). My brother and I have H&W POA and have discussed before "what if" scenarios. Mum is now totally immobile, doubly incontinent (well, has permanent catheter now as bladder doesn't work), doesn't know us, and as we all know the dementia can only go one way. I told Dr we didn't want invasive tests or cause her trauma and distress, I couldn't bear it. It just feels like taking such responsibility, does anyone agree with me? Even if detected/located, what would happen - chemo, radiotherapy, surgery - I just can't see what quality of life she would have. It's beyond upsetting, but feel it's the kindest thing to do. Dr agreed, said he expects to see a marked deterioration over coming weeks, and they would keep her comfortable and pain free in NH, so palliative care. I don't want hospital if it can be avoided at all costs, and the staff are so lovely in NH and they are accredited with Gold standard end of life care, I just feel it's the best I can do for mum.
She is self funding (well we have deferred payment agreement til we sell the house) but does anyone know if CHC should be considered at this stage, or would they feel they need a "definitive" cancer site diagnosis. It almost feels obscene asking at a time like this, but if poor mum goes more than weeks into months, and she should be entitled to it, I thought I'd ask.
I have rambled much more than I set out to do, sorry, I think I'm in such shock and can't believe this is happening on top of everything. But my logical brain knows "somethings going to get her", like it will us all, and in the strangest way I just want her to be at peace and never know the worsening of the dementia. Thank you for listening x
Last week GP suggested blood tests and he had a quiet word with me yesterday. Said markers suggest malignancy somewhere. I said do you mean cancer, he said it was very likely. No lump in boobs, but to determine it would of course mean xrays, tests (colonoscopy, endoscopy etc). My brother and I have H&W POA and have discussed before "what if" scenarios. Mum is now totally immobile, doubly incontinent (well, has permanent catheter now as bladder doesn't work), doesn't know us, and as we all know the dementia can only go one way. I told Dr we didn't want invasive tests or cause her trauma and distress, I couldn't bear it. It just feels like taking such responsibility, does anyone agree with me? Even if detected/located, what would happen - chemo, radiotherapy, surgery - I just can't see what quality of life she would have. It's beyond upsetting, but feel it's the kindest thing to do. Dr agreed, said he expects to see a marked deterioration over coming weeks, and they would keep her comfortable and pain free in NH, so palliative care. I don't want hospital if it can be avoided at all costs, and the staff are so lovely in NH and they are accredited with Gold standard end of life care, I just feel it's the best I can do for mum.
She is self funding (well we have deferred payment agreement til we sell the house) but does anyone know if CHC should be considered at this stage, or would they feel they need a "definitive" cancer site diagnosis. It almost feels obscene asking at a time like this, but if poor mum goes more than weeks into months, and she should be entitled to it, I thought I'd ask.
I have rambled much more than I set out to do, sorry, I think I'm in such shock and can't believe this is happening on top of everything. But my logical brain knows "somethings going to get her", like it will us all, and in the strangest way I just want her to be at peace and never know the worsening of the dementia. Thank you for listening x