Started out promising this morning when I rang mum 'Just checking you're up and will be ready for me to pick you up'..... "Oh yes, but if I hadn't been stood by the phone you would have woke me up." OK. The bizarre I have learnt to cope with (most days) .
Arrive more or less empty-handed - 'Thought it would be nice for you to choose some fresh things from the bakers etc while we are out ...' ...'Oh yes, that would be nice .....' Allow myself to fall into comfort zone that this morning's excursion will be a pleasant one ..... until we get into the car and she belches several times ... with neither warning nor apology (mum would be mortified) - and the stench ....... I say nothing but discreetly wind the window down for air .....
Arrive at local 'precinct' and park up - next alarm bell .... she has no idea where we are ....been 100s if not 1000s of times ....... then I notice her walking ... well, you wouldn't call it walking .... even 'shuffling' would be a kind way to describe it ...... the oblivion that she is brushing against gorse bush as we ever so slowly wend our way down the disabled ramp ....... most people are kind and understanding but the jamboree for a charity promotion means there are children running round with balloons ..... 'Is something special going on? Have I missed Christmas?' - and my heart is sinking ..... panic I have a panic attack myself coming on but I can't abandon her ....... the nice man in the fluffy outfit handing out the balloons and shaking his collection tin sees fit not to approach me and mum for a donation .... I figure he realises we have other priorities ....... Bless that man .......
Attend to scheduled appointment and suggest we just choose a few fresh goodies and go home .... 'No, no, I don't need anything ....' Just wants to go home ..... and when home just wants to shut me out ....... 'Go on, you get off' .......
'Her world' seems to be coming just that - a world of not-so-splendid isolation and sadness ..... I just don't know what to do anymore ......
Sorry for the ramble ..... bit weepy..... Karen, x
Arrive more or less empty-handed - 'Thought it would be nice for you to choose some fresh things from the bakers etc while we are out ...' ...'Oh yes, that would be nice .....' Allow myself to fall into comfort zone that this morning's excursion will be a pleasant one ..... until we get into the car and she belches several times ... with neither warning nor apology (mum would be mortified) - and the stench ....... I say nothing but discreetly wind the window down for air .....
Arrive at local 'precinct' and park up - next alarm bell .... she has no idea where we are ....been 100s if not 1000s of times ....... then I notice her walking ... well, you wouldn't call it walking .... even 'shuffling' would be a kind way to describe it ...... the oblivion that she is brushing against gorse bush as we ever so slowly wend our way down the disabled ramp ....... most people are kind and understanding but the jamboree for a charity promotion means there are children running round with balloons ..... 'Is something special going on? Have I missed Christmas?' - and my heart is sinking ..... panic I have a panic attack myself coming on but I can't abandon her ....... the nice man in the fluffy outfit handing out the balloons and shaking his collection tin sees fit not to approach me and mum for a donation .... I figure he realises we have other priorities ....... Bless that man .......
Attend to scheduled appointment and suggest we just choose a few fresh goodies and go home .... 'No, no, I don't need anything ....' Just wants to go home ..... and when home just wants to shut me out ....... 'Go on, you get off' .......
'Her world' seems to be coming just that - a world of not-so-splendid isolation and sadness ..... I just don't know what to do anymore ......
Sorry for the ramble ..... bit weepy..... Karen, x