I can't cope
- Thread starter Lynne68
- Start date
In the same awful boat....
Oh dear Lynne - I understand. I cry every day at how unjust and horrid my OH is.
Ive recently had a cancer operation and still on cancer drugs - scans etc. and I
wish I hadn=t survived to live the short time left like this.
Gooby
Oh dear Lynne - I understand. I cry every day at how unjust and horrid my OH is.
Ive recently had a cancer operation and still on cancer drugs - scans etc. and I
wish I hadn=t survived to live the short time left like this.
Gooby
My husband has lived with dementia now for 11 years. My coping strategy was to take life a day at a time, yesterday cannot be changed, tomorrow we have no control over so deal with today. I also told myself a hundred times a day that my husband's behaviour was the dementia, not him. My husband finally went into a nursing home that cared for dementia with challenging behaviour.
The only thing my husband can now do for himself is open and close his eyes, no more telling me I was an idiot, it is my all my fault and he did not want to live with me or the disease but followed me everywhere, just 6 inches behind me. As he now struggles to stay awake, to swallow and sometimes breath I long for the times when he was the biggest nuisance alive, deprived me of sleep but could tell me how he felt.
It is hard living with someone with dementia and it must be even harder for them to live with it. I really wonder how either of us survived those years, but survive we did. I am now struggling with the knowledge that we are probably reaching the end of the journey. No part of dementia is easy.
Stay strong.
The only thing my husband can now do for himself is open and close his eyes, no more telling me I was an idiot, it is my all my fault and he did not want to live with me or the disease but followed me everywhere, just 6 inches behind me. As he now struggles to stay awake, to swallow and sometimes breath I long for the times when he was the biggest nuisance alive, deprived me of sleep but could tell me how he felt.
It is hard living with someone with dementia and it must be even harder for them to live with it. I really wonder how either of us survived those years, but survive we did. I am now struggling with the knowledge that we are probably reaching the end of the journey. No part of dementia is easy.
Stay strong.
Sending reply to you. I know how you feel. Am at my wits end now too. That doesn't help you at all but to know someone cares and replies really helps me. So I hope my reply helps you in some small way. Wish I could make a cup of tea for you.
Aisling
Thank you for your messages-they are much appreciated. I wish I had someone close by who has the same problems has I have, then I could visit/escape for a while.
It does help to hear of other people trying cope like me! Family and friends just don"t seem to understand what its like to live with a person with dementia. Wish there was another person with the same problems as me close by!
Thank you for your kind words. I know you are right but no matter how I try I can't see a way forward without any problems. I can only think things will only get worse!
Sending you all huge, heartfelt hugs, and wishing they could be more than just virtual ones. Wish I could help.
xx
xx
Aisling,
You were so kind to me when I joined TP. Here for you now. Please feel free to PM me. I am a good listener!
Much love
J xxx
When things are bad I make mental lists (sometimes I write them down too) of the absolute minimum that I have to do to get through the day (and that includes getting up and dressed) and then if I manage to get anything else done - make a phone call, knit a row of knitting or run a duster over a table (I have very low standards of housework 
) then that is a bonus. Then when it gets to end of the day instead of berating myself for not getting things done I can say "well, that was a bonus and so was that ...."
Thats how I get through one day at a time.
) then that is a bonus. Then when it gets to end of the day instead of berating myself for not getting things done I can say "well, that was a bonus and so was that ...."Thats how I get through one day at a time.
It isnt forever but seems like it when you are in thick of it .
I vist my mum every day in hosptal, after she fell.
Been in 3 wks this tuesday and tonight because staff talked too much instead of getting her out of bed to stretch her legs . One said it was bedtime 9.00pm ... Mum got in right mood told everybody including me to leave and wasnt given cup of tea incase she threw it.
Younjust have to plod on and hope it will end soon xxxx
I vist my mum every day in hosptal, after she fell.
Been in 3 wks this tuesday and tonight because staff talked too much instead of getting her out of bed to stretch her legs . One said it was bedtime 9.00pm ... Mum got in right mood told everybody including me to leave and wasnt given cup of tea incase she threw it.
Younjust have to plod on and hope it will end soon xxxx
All i can do is send you a big ((HUG))
I'm one of the "lucky" ones, I'm 71 this year and my dear Mum with Alzheimers will be 100!
I often think how difficult it must be for some-one much younger dealing with early onset dementia, it's bad enough for older people dealing with it all and the guilt that always comes with it.
Pauline
xx
I'm one of the "lucky" ones, I'm 71 this year and my dear Mum with Alzheimers will be 100!
I often think how difficult it must be for some-one much younger dealing with early onset dementia, it's bad enough for older people dealing with it all and the guilt that always comes with it.
Pauline
xx
I want run away from all this-I am finding that I can't tolerate my husband and what does. I'm trying to be patient but its not working.
Hi Lynne68
if it would help to actually speak to someone try the helpline
You can contact the helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.
It's open 10-4 at weekends
here's a link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365&_ga=1.118947401.1118739318.1457726994
maybe tomorrow contact your local Adult Services to tell them you are close to breakdown and need some respite?
have you chatted over with your GP about how you are feeling?
sorry if you've already done these
best wishes
if it would help to actually speak to someone try the helpline
You can contact the helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.
It's open 10-4 at weekends
here's a link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365&_ga=1.118947401.1118739318.1457726994
maybe tomorrow contact your local Adult Services to tell them you are close to breakdown and need some respite?
have you chatted over with your GP about how you are feeling?
sorry if you've already done these
best wishes
Sarahdun, Lynne68, and Aisling, I don't really know how you do it. With my mother, diagnosed at age 90 with Alzheimer's (though she had mixed dementia), it was okay for me to take her in permanently, because I knew there would be a conclusion to the difficulty, sometimes sheer misery, soon. She was mostly compliant, cheerful, and not a burden.
If it were my husband, I don't really know what I'd do. He is over 6 feet, very single-minded and independent, and pretty sure he's right almost all the time. I think I'd have to hire people to care for him so I could get some time away, but even so, I'm not sure I could care for him, because there would be no end in sight. I love him deeply: he was the one who cared for my mother with me, doing much more for her than any of my sisters and not complaining. But caring for him would have been very difficult.
I think part of it is that he is supposed to be there for the journey with me.
So my heart goes out to you all.
If it were my husband, I don't really know what I'd do. He is over 6 feet, very single-minded and independent, and pretty sure he's right almost all the time. I think I'd have to hire people to care for him so I could get some time away, but even so, I'm not sure I could care for him, because there would be no end in sight. I love him deeply: he was the one who cared for my mother with me, doing much more for her than any of my sisters and not complaining. But caring for him would have been very difficult.
I think part of it is that he is supposed to be there for the journey with me.
So my heart goes out to you all.
me too sometimes
Hi Lynne68,
Sorry your feeling like this today, it's just a rollercoaster isn't it. I had a terrible night last night slept maybe a couple of hours if that. Mum was terrible everytime I put her back to bed five minutes later she was up again. Iv posted last week that she wasn't eating lost weight and had a UTI. This morning she is a different person full of the joys of spring and eaten some breakfast and nearly all her lunch. Just take one day at a time that is what I intend to do. I take anit-depressants too at least it dose take the edge off. Keep plodding one lots of hugs xxx
Hi Lynne68,
Sorry your feeling like this today, it's just a rollercoaster isn't it. I had a terrible night last night slept maybe a couple of hours if that. Mum was terrible everytime I put her back to bed five minutes later she was up again. Iv posted last week that she wasn't eating lost weight and had a UTI. This morning she is a different person full of the joys of spring and eaten some breakfast and nearly all her lunch. Just take one day at a time that is what I intend to do. I take anit-depressants too at least it dose take the edge off. Keep plodding one lots of hugs xxx
Lynne, sorry to hear you feel so overwhelmed. I think everyone here on TP can relate to what you are saying.
I wonder if you have tried any carers' cafes or support groups or similar in your area, to give you a chance to speak to other people nearby in a similar situation to yours. I also wonder about day care, carers, and any other type of support you might be able to get for yourself. And I definitely wonder about some respite. Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? Carer breakdown is not something to be taken lightly.
I think that Age UK and the Samaritans also have helplines you can ring, if you need to talk to someone.
Best wishes to you.
I wonder if you have tried any carers' cafes or support groups or similar in your area, to give you a chance to speak to other people nearby in a similar situation to yours. I also wonder about day care, carers, and any other type of support you might be able to get for yourself. And I definitely wonder about some respite. Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling? Carer breakdown is not something to be taken lightly.
I think that Age UK and the Samaritans also have helplines you can ring, if you need to talk to someone.
Best wishes to you.
