In my 10 year battle with my husband Peter's Alzheimer's, I've noticed that in time some troubling behaviour passes as the illness progresses. Other hurdles take their place. I used to have problems with keys which Peter used to have a fascination with, sometimes breaking them off in the lock because it was the wrong key. He also would put dirty mugs and plates back in the cupboard where the clean ones are stored. Now my main problem is his incontinence and violence. He is now in the severe phase but still says "I love you" every day, despite thinking my name is John. Strangely I'm finding this phase easier to manage than the earlier confused stage. At least I know where he is and what he's doing. Like you, I feel I could do better, but I do what I can.
Take care and be easier on yourself.
Liz
Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who had to have a hotline to the locksmith! I don't know where John found the strength to break the handles and force locks with the wrong keys, but he did. And, as time went by, finding dirty mugs in the freezer became a "nothing to worry about" event, rather than the shock and fright of the early days.
Like you, I found the incontinence, violence, and complete change of personality the hardest to deal with, and the utter exhaustion, from lack of sleep, lack of energy, and utter despair, was
so hard to cope with.
We all become smothered by guilt, at times, but now, looking back, I rarely feel guilty, because I know I did the best I could,
at the time. Sometimes my best was better than others, sometimes worse, but it was all I had. I've since joined a couple of Community Choirs, and was in a concert today - singing a solo!
I found the Christmas Carol Concerts hard, singing "it's the most wonderful time of the year", when my heart was breaking, and skipped a few, and originally, I felt guilty at enjoying the show rehearsals, but I know John would have wanted me to do
something and not sit like Queen Victoria, in constant mourning. I feel he'd be pleased for me for what I did today - especially as we raised £1500 for our hospice.