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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Casbow, Feb 8, 2016.
Hello mazowe, l had the same trouble with my OH with dishwasher, also washing, as soon as l put dirty dishes in the machine he would empty it and wash them in the sink, l would put washing on the line, he would bring all the washing in within 10mins, what a nightmare, if l said anything about his behaviour he would get very aggressive. I feel for you l have been there, there is no answer to it, this is one or two of many things that made me to decide to put my OH into care, l could not cope with him any longer, he is now in a better place well away from dishwashers and washing, also from wandering off, and getting lost, causing so much stress for me. We are both now safe, he is reasonably happy, and l am very happy.
Still not making any headway. I can't go down the avenue of getting the doctor to call him in for a health check - that's what I did to get him to the doctors in the first place. The added complication is that though we are both registered at the same doctors practice, we are registered with different doctors. So its not even as if I can make an appointment for myself to go and have a chat. For this reason, I also can't organise getting his tablets dispensed in a dosette (or whatever).
I've given up with the dishwasher - and basically just given up! I'm still quietly monitoring his tablets in the background - he misses 3-4 days out a week quite easily. He denies that he is not taking the tablets and I can't carry on accusing him - he just gets aggressive and angry, thankfully not physically. But we have had a few days where we are able to carry on a good quality conversation - as long as I don't talk about his medications.
I have been thinking of trying to get into sheltered housing, or similar - where I will have help nearby if required. In the past, that was well received, but now, even that topic is not allowed to be raised.
How are you Casbow? I can't remember how I discovered TP but it is brilliant. I posted when I was having major breakdown in early of morning and support was amazing. Please keep posting.
Lord help you. It is awful. My suggestions might be useless. Will the chemist dispense them in the weekly pack and advise OH that it is a good way to do it. Could you ring his doctor and say how worried you are.
I had many problems with OH meds. He needs liquid antibiotics sometimes and still I have to hide it in juice. He won't drink juice anymore. Daily meds are hidden in yoghurts. I know this is not appropriate for your OH but just sharing my experience with you.
Am lucky to have an understanding doctor and chemist. Other professionals drive me up the walls. Will say no more on that subject!
Huge hugs on way to you. Look at the sky tonight and they are zooming towards you under the brightest star.
Aisling ( Ireland)
The tablets are in a blister together. For example John had to take a chest tablet 3 times a day, 4 different heart tablets, some twice daily, others 4 times daily, and it is the chemist who sorts everything out. So some blisters held 2 tablets, others 6 etc.
In my 10 year battle with my husband Peter's Alzheimer's, I've noticed that in time some troubling behaviour passes as the illness progresses. Other hurdles take their place. I used to have problems with keys which Peter used to have a fascination with, sometimes breaking them off in the lock because it was the wrong key. He also would put dirty mugs and plates back in the cupboard where the clean ones are stored. Now my main problem is his incontinence and violence. He is now in the severe phase but still says "I love you" every day, despite thinking my name is John. Strangely I'm finding this phase easier to manage than the earlier confused stage. At least I know where he is and what he's doing. Like you, I feel I could do better, but I do what I can.
Take care and be easier on yourself.
Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who had to have a hotline to the locksmith! I don't know where John found the strength to break the handles and force locks with the wrong keys, but he did. And, as time went by, finding dirty mugs in the freezer became a "nothing to worry about" event, rather than the shock and fright of the early days.
Like you, I found the incontinence, violence, and complete change of personality the hardest to deal with, and the utter exhaustion, from lack of sleep, lack of energy, and utter despair, was so hard to cope with.
We all become smothered by guilt, at times, but now, looking back, I rarely feel guilty, because I know I did the best I could, at the time. Sometimes my best was better than others, sometimes worse, but it was all I had. I've since joined a couple of Community Choirs, and was in a concert today - singing a solo!
I found the Christmas Carol Concerts hard, singing "it's the most wonderful time of the year", when my heart was breaking, and skipped a few, and originally, I felt guilty at enjoying the show rehearsals, but I know John would have wanted me to do something and not sit like Queen Victoria, in constant mourning. I feel he'd be pleased for me for what I did today - especially as we raised £1500 for our hospice.
Brilliant Scarlett, is your solo on video, we 'd all like to see it. How worthwhile, John would be so proud. You're amazing!
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Hi Alicenutter, I recognised my Mums early story in your words and just wondered if the medications could simply go in a 'blister pack'. My Mum did the same with some medications so the pharmacist arranged for medications to be sealed in plastic trays and although the name of the medication is on the outside of the pack it doesn't say what it's for. With the car, would your husband recognise your handwriting? If so, what about writing yourself a letter of consent to use the car ....would he accept that? The paranoia and conspiracy phase is slowly starting to ease for us but it is so hard ...creative 'love lies' have been used regularly here. Good luck.