A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

I must admit the more time I spend with Dhiren the better he is, unless I can be sure he is occupied with something.
If he`s reading the paper and I know he`ll be reading it for a while, I can get on with something. The same goes for television , radio or CDs.
If he`s `not in the mood` to do anything, he sits in the chair, and ends up brooding. Then he becomes grumpy or discontented.

If I sit with him and try to draw him into something I`m doing, either read items from the paper, or ask his help with a crossword clue, he becomes much more animated. But then the questions start about houses, money, pensions, people and places. I`m no saint, and sitting with him all day long, trying to keep him interested in something/anything, drives me up the wall.

The sundowning, really does happen at sundown. Around 4.30pm., the `going home`questions start.
`This isn`t Manchester is it?`
`What is the name of this place?`
`How far is it to Manchester?`
`How do we get there?`
`Why did we come here?`
`Who else lives here?`
`How long have we lived here?`
`How much is the rent?`
`Where does Paul live?`
`I`ll go home one day.`
`I need to see my family.`
and if I`m lucky, it stops when we have dinner, and if I`m very lucky it doesn`t start again until the next day.

 

[gigi]

I must admit the more time I spend with Dhiren the better he is

I'm finding this to be true with Eric..and increasingly when he's awake he wants me there beside him.

Drawing him into activity doesn't work-his concentration doesn't last-and if it means moving from his armchair it's definitely not on!

The only time I have undisturbed is when he's asleep-which he is again at the moment-one of his really deep sleeps which tend to happen after breakfast-and again after lunch!!But I know when he wakes up he'll be strange for a while.

Last night he was awful-I had to abandon everything and sit with him. Nothing was right-(even my home made steak and kidney pie-which was delicious-honestly) Back to money again..nothing good on TV any more..have we been to Rome togetherconfused
Am I sure we've never been to Rome together..didn't matter what I said or did..last night it was all wrong..

Thismorning he's refused to go to the Day Centre-he says he's got a cold. He does have an awful cough again-maybe brewing another chest infection. He's VERY grumpy!!!

No gardening today,anyway, Sylvia-weather is awful...and tomorrow I have to walk to fetch the paper in the morning..

Lots of love Gigi xx

 

[Grannie G]

This afternoon watching the Alan Titchmarsh Show.............
Tricia Penrose was being interviewed...

D `I`ve seen her before. Who is she?`
S `She`s on Heartbeat.`
D `Heartbeat?` looking puzzled.
S `It`s a series about a village in Yorshire. Do you remember when we went to Scarborough, we went on a trip to the village where it is filmed.`
D `I remember going to Scarborough. I don`t remember that programme.`
S ` There used to be a scuffy old tramp on it called Greengrass, you used to like him.`
D `I remember Greengrass.`
S `He was played by .......? Oh I can`t remember who he is. Gosh my memory for names is awful.`
D , confiding, `So is mine.`

I had to look up the name....Bill Maynard. Unfortunately Dhiren isn`t able to do that.

 

[Lynne]

"You ain't just whistlin' Dixie" ...

I`m no saint, and sitting with him all day long, trying to keep him interested in something/anything, drives me up the wall.

Sylvie, thank you so much for that masterly understatement. I feel like that a lot of the time, magnitude x Many, & for some reason I find it comforting to hear someone else say it (particularly someone as totally dedicated as I know you to be). Having great wrestling matches with the Guilt Monster these days, and not winning very often!

Best wishes for a good day tomorrow.

 

[Cliff]

Lynne, you have hit it on the head, Sylvia manages to catch the few phrases that sum up the day,

I try to be with Dee but fail every time. But somehow she manages the day and does things. But recently it has been the endless folding and refolding and refolding and refolding something. Don't know if this is boredom, Very recently its the spreading of cheese on a paper serviette which she does meticulously then on goes the butter and the biscuit is never touched. Things are getting much slower with Dee now but we have time together and a cuddle and a few nice words.

Dee has never ever argued and will just turn away. Now we never argue we know if something is developing into Oh please drink the water oh please..... and she hides in her shell that I know so well now/

Oh how we know our partners after all these years. And Gigi am sure you find this with Eric

Love to you all and Sylvia and Dhiren - it's well past sun down now !!!

 

[gigi]

Oh how we know our partners after all these years

Sometimes Cliff..

And then again they can pop up and surprise you

But being more sensible you're right-and we're all different although there are similarities...

The good thing about spending more time with Eric and not chasing my tail is that I'm feeling "tuned in"..and I think he's more relaxed because of that..

Am still concerned about some of his "sleeps"..he has a lot of naps through the day..but some are "serious"..very deep,loses colour,mouth open,difficult to rouse..wonder could they be TIAs?
He does have VAD as well as AD..and of course I'm just settling in here...if I was at work I maybe wouldn't have noticed..

Hope you're all ok out there..Love Gigi xx

 

[Grannie G]

Have I solved the problem of sundowning?

I`m almost scared to tempt fate but I think I`ve cracked it , for the time being, anyway.

Dhiren isn`t going out now, it`s far too cold and windy, he thinks it`s like Siberia.

So whenever he asks about `going home`, I tell him we`ll go when the weather`s better and he`s happy to agree. After all, we don`t want to spend our holiday stuck in a hotel room, because it`s too cold to go out.

Complain about the weather? Not me.

 

[Cliff]

Nice one Sylvia


You get there in the end.

Never known a nice lady who didn't

Goodnight, love to you both

 

[BeckyJan]

Horrors of workmen in the house!!

Just recording how hard it is to have workmen in the house. We are having window frames and windows replaced in part of the house!! They are lovely and it would not be a problem normally, BUT when your husband has dementia - wow it is not easy!
What are they doing? (100+ times)
When are they finishing (50+ times)
Where are they working (20+ times)
It will cost a mass (110000000 times !! )
Have they finished yet? (20 times)
Can I help? (? can hardly walk how can he get up a ladder )
I wish I could do more (is there a smilie for 'exasperation'?)

and on and on and on ......

I LOVE HIM DEARLY

Jan

 

[gigi]

Jan..I empathise...

A few months before Eric was diagnosed we had our bathroom ripped out and a lovely new one fitted..all of those questions that your husband is asking -were asked then-over and over again..

Then when we had half of the lawn taken away last year and patio laid..the same..

Then when we had the computer cable connected..

The same..change isn't easy ..

Next door are having an extension soon...it's nothing to do with us..planning permission etc has been granted..I'm dreading it..

Lots of love Gigi xx..ps..hope your work will be finished soon...
and yes..we love them dearly..

 

[Cliff]

Had a new walk-in bath fitted yesterday.

Dee early in morning after the sight of dust sheets: Can't stand local workmen can't trust them etc etc etc

Workman seeing Dee for the firat time: You look very nice this morning Mrs Dee

Cliff much later: they are getting on very well with the bath !

Dee; Yes the men are nice aren't they


Problem solved

Goodnight, love to you all

 

[Grannie G]

Our house needs decorating inside and out.
We have no dining room, the extension I had planned is on the back burner.
We eat in the kitchen but have no room for guests, even family guests, but perhaps that`s just as well.
This house hasn`t been touched since we moved in 5 years ago.

 

[BeckyJan]

Sylvia:
We have been here 22 years now and spent much energy on 'putting it right'. The trouble is all these years later, things start to deteriorate and need replacement. In some ways it would be easier to move to something smaller, but I do not think David could handle it.

Cliff: How is the walk in bath? We are waiting for a level access downstairs shower to be put in - I think some time in the next few months. It will be so much easier as at present David just does not like stepping into the present shower. We will be able to put a seat in the new one (and wheelchair when and if necessary).

Never a dull moment. Good to share events with you all.
Jan

 

[Cliff]

Sylvia, we moved in here, a new house in 1991, had the builders emulsion properly decorated in 94 and the inside really needs refreshing now. But there is no way I could face the disruption so it stays as it is. Can truly understand your comments.

Jan, the walk in bath is excellent. A small step about 4" high. Dee took to it last night with no squeals at all. Waited until she used it before deciding where the grab rails should go on the wall but Dee showed no fear and felt safe even without them. No more helping a slippery eel over the bath edge.

To all, Just a point, finding a reliable work team is a nightmare. I was recommended by the occupational therapist on Dee's hospital discharge team, to contact the disabled resources centre. They have a man who acts as Project Manager, offering full choice of equipment, choice of dates and then handles everything. He charges nothing as he gets his money from the equipment supplier. But the job went on time exactly as projected.

If your resource centre or whatever have a similar arrangement - try it.

 

[BeckyJan]

disabled resources centre

What good advice Cliff. I do not think we have a disabled resources centre or at least I have never heard of one.

The level access shower is being arranged by the local Council.
We pay for it ourselves but have been guided by the Council's architect and OT. So we pay them a percentage (not massive) and they will take the hassle off my back.

The trouble is it is taking so so long. We started talking about this last July and they are still getting quotes in. I need this shower badly as David is finding it hard even to step the few inches into the present cubicle style shower.

That is the next turmoil I have to face.

Jan

 

[Grannie G]

This morning.............

I went for the papers. When I got home, Dhiren was vaccing. After he`d finished,

we had breakfast.

After breakfast he said `I will get the vac out now.`

I said nothing, but went to make the bed.

He came into the bedroom,
D `Do I need to vac, the carpet is clean?`
S `Well leave it then.`
D `Did I vac this morning?`
S `Yes.`
D `Are you sure? The carpet is clean but I don`t remember vaccing.`
S `Don`t worry about it.`
D `Worrying won`t help.`
S `Good attitude.`
D `I`ll go and make breakfast.`

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Sylvia:
I can imagine the frustration you were feeling. But reading your post I think 'lucky you' someone to make breakfast!!!!

Did Dhiren make the first breakfast?

I have spent the day cleaning up dust and debris - vac. cleaning like mad. Poor David keeps saying 'can I help?'. How I wish he could and I hate saying 'no I am fine'.

Take advantage of the help whilst you have it.
Love Jan

 

[Cliff]

I love the "can I help ? ".

I also say "Oh yes please" and scarper pdq until Dee has got bored and gone into her room to fold paper. 10 minutes of peace

 

[Cliff]

Sylvia `Good attitude.`

Can I quote you please Sylvia ?

Love to you both

 

[Grannie G]

'lucky you' someone to make breakfast!!!!

Did Dhiren make the first breakfast?

Making the breakfast is from Dhiren`s long term memory.

He does help himself to Muesli, once he`s found which cupboard it`s in, and then finds the bowl, the spoon and the Splenda...... and then I go round the kitchen closing doors and drawers. So if I get there first, I set the table and he helps himself.

Then he makes toast for himself, never takes a plate, takes bread from the freezer before checking if there`s any in the bread crock, puts the bread on the work top, sets the toaster to the highest setting, gets distracted, smoke alarm goes off, toast is stuck and burning, tries to get it out with a knife, whilst it is still switched on, tries to scrape it in the sink until I suggest he throws it away and gets fresh bread, puts fresh bread in the toaster, more crumbs on another area of the worktop, makes the toast, crumbs in the butter, then decides to make some tea, and so on and so on.

I feel disloyal writing this. It is not to show him up, it is just to show...........if I can get there first, I`m happy to make the breakfast.