You are not on your own
This is my first time on this forum even though I have been reading for several months. I lost my adoptive father 25 years ago with cancer when I was pregnant and last year lost my birth mother through secondary lung cancer at 67. We had found each other 20 years ago and were very close. My adoptive mother is now 93 and I have looked after her in her own home for the last 15 years and I do work full time. I have had to battle SS to have her assessed with answers such as "We do not provide a hand holding service". Eventually through insider knowledge I contact the the memory service clinic and they encouraged me to push her GP to refer her. She went through the usual blood test and CT scan and was diagnosed with alzhemers and vascular dementia, at the time I thought all my blessings had come at once. How little did I to know or was prepared for.Prior to her diagnosis, there were several "financial irregularities", she was being targeted by companies telling her she had won money and they just needed £25.00 as an admin fee to release the winnings, her so called friends from church had a key (which I did not know at the time). They were asking her for money, ornaments have gone missing etc. She was sending cheques to utilities unsigned and for incorrect amounts, cheques were bouncing, the bank were transferring from her savings into her current account, all unknown to me at the time. One of the most concerning episodes being when I was in Spain and her phone was cut off.Finally she was admitted to hospital with a very nasty tummy incident which resulted in her carpet and settee etc being condemned. The outcome was that SS finally had to assess her and supply domiciliary care with four calls a day.In December 2013 her consumer set on fire at 10.30 pm I was called out, the result was that I stayed with her in a hotel overnight and she went into respite. From then on she has accused me, my daughter, husband and brother of all sorts and now refuses to see us. Her very naive and inexperienced advocate has supported her. She is now living totally abandoned, partially blind, suffering from constant bouts of cellulites. Through her advocate she has overturned our LPA, no money has left her bank account since Feb 2014. What the hell has she been living on, I still receive all her statements, social services have totally abandoned her. I still receive her utility bills and she makes no outgoing calls to anyone, not even her friends. I attended with the police last May and she refused to see me telling them that we were trying to "kick her out of the house, put her in a home and sell the property", frankly the property is more of a liability than an asset as it is so run down. I am living a night mare. Sorry to ramble on, but to answer your question, yes I do not want to live for ever and if my end of life care was as good as my birth mothers, I to would rather go with cancer than dementia.
Chin up x
This is my first time on this forum even though I have been reading for several months. I lost my adoptive father 25 years ago with cancer when I was pregnant and last year lost my birth mother through secondary lung cancer at 67. We had found each other 20 years ago and were very close. My adoptive mother is now 93 and I have looked after her in her own home for the last 15 years and I do work full time. I have had to battle SS to have her assessed with answers such as "We do not provide a hand holding service". Eventually through insider knowledge I contact the the memory service clinic and they encouraged me to push her GP to refer her. She went through the usual blood test and CT scan and was diagnosed with alzhemers and vascular dementia, at the time I thought all my blessings had come at once. How little did I to know or was prepared for.Prior to her diagnosis, there were several "financial irregularities", she was being targeted by companies telling her she had won money and they just needed £25.00 as an admin fee to release the winnings, her so called friends from church had a key (which I did not know at the time). They were asking her for money, ornaments have gone missing etc. She was sending cheques to utilities unsigned and for incorrect amounts, cheques were bouncing, the bank were transferring from her savings into her current account, all unknown to me at the time. One of the most concerning episodes being when I was in Spain and her phone was cut off.Finally she was admitted to hospital with a very nasty tummy incident which resulted in her carpet and settee etc being condemned. The outcome was that SS finally had to assess her and supply domiciliary care with four calls a day.In December 2013 her consumer set on fire at 10.30 pm I was called out, the result was that I stayed with her in a hotel overnight and she went into respite. From then on she has accused me, my daughter, husband and brother of all sorts and now refuses to see us. Her very naive and inexperienced advocate has supported her. She is now living totally abandoned, partially blind, suffering from constant bouts of cellulites. Through her advocate she has overturned our LPA, no money has left her bank account since Feb 2014. What the hell has she been living on, I still receive all her statements, social services have totally abandoned her. I still receive her utility bills and she makes no outgoing calls to anyone, not even her friends. I attended with the police last May and she refused to see me telling them that we were trying to "kick her out of the house, put her in a home and sell the property", frankly the property is more of a liability than an asset as it is so run down. I am living a night mare. Sorry to ramble on, but to answer your question, yes I do not want to live for ever and if my end of life care was as good as my birth mothers, I to would rather go with cancer than dementia.
Chin up x