Vascular dementia and a change in cognition

[Monday’s child]

I have been asking for advice for a while now and I have learnt a lot, adjusted my approach and reactions accordingly and things have been ticking along relatively nicely for a good few months.

Mum has vascular dementia diagnosed after a few worrying/distressing episodes about 18 months ago.
As everything has been on an even keel for a while, I sometimes forget there is dementia in the mix and think this just how my mum is at her age 88; she has always been strong willed and difficult to get on with, thinking she knows it all and she does it all, both her long term and short term memory have been ok although she does make things up and has the ability (or not) to pick and chose what she remembers which is more annoying than anything else but to strangers etc who have to call on her she seems to come across as perfectly fine.

I have both POAs; organise everything as she is also disabled, and manage all my mum's banking now behind the scenes. I say behind the scenes as mum thinks she is very much independent and very much in control of everything, she is always phoning people, the bank, the gas board etc etc to 'sort' things that have already been sorted.
I have moved all but her current account online to limit the calls to the bank, but due to her obsession with her money she receives her current account statement in the post and scrutinises, underlines, adds up the figures etc which was all fine and kept her 'happy'.

Apologies for the ramble but I would like to ask about a change to the situation yesterday.
So did mums shopping put it all away etc etc. Firstly there was a disagreement as who am I to tell her she wouldn't be able to use a smart phone (she has never had a mobile, computer or anything and I dread to think of what would happen if she could by some miracle have access to the internet) she said she was always at the bank sorting out her finances (many years ago now). Anyway she became quite agitated and produced last month's statement on which she has highlighted and added together two supermarket shops which were two weeks apart and asks me what are they playing at, £180 for two weeks groceries, I tried to explain to her that the last shop was for the following two weeks so it was £180 for four weeks but she was not able to take this on board and would not accept it. I also think, as I know my mum, she thinks she is paying for my shopping.

I don't really know what I want to ask; is this a worrying change and should I be talking to the Gp or doing anything else?

 

[jimkd]

I have been asking for advice for a while now and I have learnt a lot, adjusted my approach and reactions accordingly and things have been ticking along relatively nicely for a good few months.

Mum has vascular dementia diagnosed after a few worrying/distressing episodes about 18 months ago.
As everything has been on an even keel for a while, I sometimes forget there is dementia in the mix and think this just how my mum is at her age 88; she has always been strong willed and difficult to get on with, thinking she knows it all and she does it all, both her long term and short term memory have been ok although she does make things up and has the ability (or not) to pick and chose what she remembers which is more annoying than anything else but to strangers etc who have to call on her she seems to come across as perfectly fine.

I have both POAs; organise everything as she is also disabled, and manage all my mum's banking now behind the scenes. I say behind the scenes as mum thinks she is very much independent and very much in control of everything, she is always phoning people, the bank, the gas board etc etc to 'sort' things that have already been sorted.
I have moved all but her current account online to limit the calls to the bank, but due to her obsession with her money she receives her current account statement in the post and scrutinises, underlines, adds up the figures etc which was all fine and kept her 'happy'.

Apologies for the ramble but I would like to ask about a change to the situation yesterday.
So did mums shopping put it all away etc etc. Firstly there was a disagreement as who am I to tell her she wouldn't be able to use a smart phone (she has never had a mobile, computer or anything and I dread to think of what would happen if she could by some miracle have access to the internet) she said she was always at the bank sorting out her finances (many years ago now). Anyway she became quite agitated and produced last month's statement on which she has highlighted and added together two supermarket shops which were two weeks apart and asks me what are they playing at, £180 for two weeks groceries, I tried to explain to her that the last shop was for the following two weeks so it was £180 for four weeks but she was not able to take this on board and would not accept it. I also think, as I know my mum, she thinks she is paying for my shopping.

I don't really know what I want to ask; is this a worrying change and should I be talking to the Gp or doing anything else?

Definitely talk to her GP, it needs to be documented so that actions like medication, investigations can be done and build up a picture of her true state. They do often present a normal face to the outside world but the medical and social practitioners need to see the reality to help out in time.

 

[SeaSwallow]

If you are worried about a change in your mum's cognition it might be a good idea to have her check out for a UTI as this can have bad effect on someone with dementia.

 

[Rowan23]

My dad is currently the same, scrutinises every letter that comes through the door. Bank statements are of particulr interest to him.
Just playing devils advocat here, but I dont think its that unreasonable to question a £90 2 week shop for a single person.

 

[Carmenjane]

My dad is currently the same, scrutinises every letter that comes through the door. Bank statements are of particulr interest to him.
Just playing devils advocat here, but I dont think its that unreasonable to question a £90 2 week shop for a single person.

It was £180 for four weeks though

 

[Lawson58]

It was £180 for four weeks though

And your mum would have no idea of the prices of things either so unable to make a realistic judgement.

 

[Yankeeabroad]

Your mom sounds similar to my dad. He questions a lot of bills — we & he have sat at his insurance agents office, investment advisor’s, bank, etc. to “bring down his payments” I’m lucky that all these people are pretty understanding and treat him professionally.

His logic around payments comes and goes — it’s all part of the disease. He tends to go in steps downward, so suddenly is more confused about a situation that he handled ok before. I don’t get too worried about it unless there are other changes in him as well. There will also be better and worse days regarding logic and we often leave something unanswered until another day when he is clearer. I find my dad’s logic is sensitive to amount of activity in the previous days, outside light (or lack of), mental stimulation (how much conversation has he been around), and quality of sleep.

I do monitor the situation and guess I keep a mental tally to know when to take another responsibility quietly away (he doesn’t realise I’ve stopped the paper credit card bills), tell the caregiver to intercept some post, or think about stepping up care.

I can see how the timing of the supermarket shop charges can be very confusing— if it’s for 4 weeks, why did the charge show up with a 2 week interval? It’s a routine thing that’s changed which can be hard to grasp sometimes. My dad saves his receipts for everything and sometimes it works to reference those to clear up the situation.

 

[Monday’s child]

My dad is currently the same, scrutinises every letter that comes through the door. Bank statements are of particulr interest to him.
Just playing devils advocat here, but I dont think its that unreasonable to question a £90 2 week shop for a single person.

Hi in truth that is probably about 12 days but does include all the household bits as well; the days of trying save money and bargain hunt for my mum have long gone plus I do not have the time and so now I do online delivery to her house or a collection and she has whatever she wants to keep the peace and protect my sanity. For example she will only drink bottled Evian water £5.50 for 6, devours Activia and Actimels as they are easy, has to have finest Victoria sponge, fresh salmon steaks, fillet steak as she can manage to heat those herself with frozen sachets of mixed vegetables, she can just about boil eggs, fresh cold meats and cheeses etc etc. She doesn't eat very much but what she does have is easy, quick and I know she will eat it as she chose it. I agree it is expensive. She cannot stand unaided and doesn't have the strength to cut vegetables or prepare anything from scratch. I think the issue for me was the sudden inability to understand the statement not so much what she spends on food (I have long gone past caring about that and thankfully money is not an issue for her)

 

[Monday’s child]

Your mom sounds similar to my dad. He questions a lot of bills — we & he have sat at his insurance agents office, investment advisor’s, bank, etc. to “bring down his payments” I’m lucky that all these people are pretty understanding and treat him professionally.

His logic around payments comes and goes — it’s all part of the disease. He tends to go in steps downward, so suddenly is more confused about a situation that he handled ok before. I don’t get too worried about it unless there are other changes in him as well. There will also be better and worse days regarding logic and we often leave something unanswered until another day when he is clearer. I find my dad’s logic is sensitive to amount of activity in the previous days, outside light (or lack of), mental stimulation (how much conversation has he been around), and quality of sleep.

I do monitor the situation and guess I keep a mental tally to know when to take another responsibility quietly away (he doesn’t realise I’ve stopped the paper credit card bills), tell the caregiver to intercept some post, or think about stepping up care.

I can see how the timing of the supermarket shop charges can be very confusing— if it’s for 4 weeks, why did the charge show up with a 2 week interval? It’s a routine thing that’s changed which can be hard to grasp sometimes. My dad saves his receipts for everything and sometimes it works to reference those to clear up the situation.

Thanks; gosh this is getting confusing shop on 9th lasted until I shopped on the 23rd which would last for the next two weeks so the spend would cover a 4 week period. I am the same I have gradually moved things to online, actually everything but the current account statement has to stay for the moment. Unfortunately I had to stop the carers as it was too stressful listening to the continuous complaints from both the carers and my mum.